GINX'S   BABY. 


En  quid  agls?  duph'ci  in  diversum  scinderis  hamo 
Hunccine  an  hunc  sequeris? 

Nam  et  luctata  canis  nodum  abripit,  attamen  illi 
Quum  fugit  a  collo  trahitur  pars  longa  catena  ! 


GINX'S    BABY 


23irtfj  an& 


A   SATIRE. 

rf^**- 


BOSTON: 
JAMES    R.    OSGOOD    &    CO., 

(LATE  TICKNOR  &  FIELDS,  AND  FIELDS,  OSGOOD,  &  CO.) 
1871. 


Boston : 
Stereotyped  and  Printed  by  Rand,  A  very,  <^  Frye. 


PREFACE. 


CRITIC.  —  /  never  read  a  more  improbable  story  in  my 
life. 

AUTHOR.  —  Notwithstanding,  it  may  be  true. 


NOTE  TO  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 


THREE  or  four  weeks  after  the  publication  of 
(S  Ginx's  Baby,"  the  author  is  called  upon  by  the 
publishers  to  revise  it  for  a  second  edition.  In 
this  notoriety  of  the  fortunes  of  "  Ginx's  Baby," 
the  most  deep  and  real  satisfaction  comes  from 
the  general  recognition  of  the  sincere  and  earnest 
purpose  of  the  history.  This  sufficiently  neutral 
izes  the  misunderstandings  or  misjudgments  of 
some  two  or  three  critics. 

To  those  who  have  criticised  the  book  in  the 
modern  fashion,  the  author  has  only  most  gently 
to  deprecate  that  they  should  have  felt  themselves 
constrained  to  make  objections  when  they  obviously 
had  none  to  make.  To  take  an  instance :  One  not 
unkindly  critic  declares  that  the  author  "  OFTE^ 
mistakes  invective  for  satire,"  —  a  remark  so  para- 

7 


8        NOTE  TO  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 

doxical  as  to  require  solution.  The  author  is  con 
scious  of  having  deliberately  used  both  invective 
and  satire  ;  but  the  error  of  confounding  them  he 
returns  to  the  critic.  The  same  judge  observes, 
"  The  only  man  described  in  the  book  who  has  any 
indefinite  (qucere,  definite  ?)  remedies  to  propose 
for  the  diseases  of  modern  civilization  is  a  gener 
ous-hearted  fanatic,  rather  than  a  judicious  states 
man  ; "  and  he  records  his  suspicion  that  Sir 
Charles  Sterling's  most  impracticable  suggestions 
are  "especially  dear  to  the  author."  Did  it  not 
occur  to  the  critic  that  the  author  intended  to  rep 
resent  in  Charles  Sterling  a  "  generous-hearted 
fanatic,"  and  that  his  intention  is  clearly  written 
on  every  page  of  the  baronet's  exaggerated  talk  ? 
A  man  made  an  enthusiast  by  too  keen  a  sensi 
tiveness  to  wrong  and  sorrow  is  not  an  unnatural 
,  or  unadmirable  character :  nay,  much  wisdom 
may  play  brightly  through  the  thunder-clouds  of 
his  passion. 

Lastly,  the  author  desires  to  set  himself  right 
with  the  reader  on  one  point  in  which  it  seems  he 
is  likely  to  be  misunderstood.  The  editor  of  "  The 
Spectator,"  otherwise  applauding,  had  referred  to 


NOTE   TO   THE    SECOND    EDITION.  9 

the  passage  on  the  "Timbuctoo  question,"  pp. 
115,  116,  as  "  utterly  and  basely  wrong."  In 
"  The  Spectator  "  of  June  4  appeared  the  following 
letter  from  the  author ;  commending  which  to  his 
readers  and  critics,  he  confides  to  their  consciences 
the  second  edition  :  — 

TO  THE  EDITOR   OF  "THE   SPECTATOR." 

SIR,  —  In  your  kindly  notice  of  my  little  book  on  Satur 
day  last,  you  did  me  an  unintentional  though  an  almost  de 
served  injustice.  Will  you  allow  me  to  relieve  myself  from 
it  without  doffing  my  incognito  ?  You  have  read  a  passage 
on  "  the  Timbuctoo  question  "  as  an  expression  of  that  ex 
treme  and  ignoble  radicalism  which  would  subordinate  the 
honor  of  the  nation  to  its  wealth.  Perhaps  my  incautious 
anger  has  left  the  passage  open  to  that  interpretation  ;  but  I 
wish  to  disclaim  it.  I  revolt  from  that  doctrine  as  much  as 
you  ;  and,  if  you  knew  my  name,  you  would  perhaps  recog 
nize  one  who  has  publicly  and  practically  striven  to  refute  it. 

My  mind,  when  I  wrote  the  passage  referred  to,  was  indig 
nantly  alert  to  the  contrast  between  the  fury,  vigor,  and  sac 
rifice  so  quick  for  such  an  enterprise  as  that,  and  the  mourn 
ful  debility  of  zeal  in  the  redress  of  our  own  home  sorrows. 
I  may  be  "  sometimes  unjust :  "  God  knows  I  wish  I  were  all 
untrue.  Besides,  you  will  allow  me  to  think,  as  I  do,  that  a 
little  politic  management  and  expenditure  might  have  res- 


10  NOTE    TO    THE    SECOND    EDITION. 

cued  the  Abyssinian  captives  without  an  expedition  costing 
ten  million  pounds.     Otherwise,  I  agree  with  you  that   a 
people  unchary  of  its  honor  at  any  sacrifice  is  fit  only  to 
be  enslaved  by  some  nobler  race. 
I  am,  sir,  &c., 

THE  AUTHOR  OF  "  GINX'S  BABY." 


COOTEOTS. 


PART    I. 

WHAT  GINX  DID  WITH  HIM. 

PAGE. 

I.  Ab  Initio         .        .        ....       *       ...  13 

II.  Home,  Sweet  Home .  15 

III.  Work  and  Ideas 19 

IV.  Digressive,  and  may  be  skipped  without  mutilating  the 

History .        .21 

V.  Reasons  and  Resolves .        .      24 

VI.  The  Antagonism  of  Law  and  Necessity     ....      25 

VII.  Malthus  and  Man .        .29 

VTH.  The  Baby's  First  Translation       .        .        .        ...      33 

PART   II. 

WHAT  CHARITY  AND  THE  CHURCHES   DID  WITH  HIM. 

I.  The  Milk  of  Human  Kindness,  Mother's  Milk,  and  the 

Milk  of  the  Word 35 

II.  The  Protestant  Detectoral  Association       .       .       .*      .      41 

III.  The  Sacrament  of  Baptism 43 

IV.  Law  on  Behalf  of  Gospel »       .44 

V.  Magistrate's  Law .      49 

VI.  Popery  and  Protestantism  in  the  Queen's  Bench       .        .      52 

VTI.  A  Protester,  but  not  a  Protestant        .        ...        .55 

VIII.  "  See  how  these  Christians  love  One  Another !  "       .        .56 

IX.  Good  Samaritans,  and  Good-Samaritan  Twopences         .      62 

X.  The  Force ;  and  a  Specimen  of  its  Weakness    ...      64 

XI.  The  Unity  of  the  Spirit  and  the  Bond  of  Peace        .        .      68 

XII.  No  Funds,  no  Faith,  no  Works 76 

XIII.  In  Transitu 77 

11 


12  CONTEXTS. 

PART  IH. 

WHAT  THE  PARISH  DID  WITH   HIM. 

PAGE. 

I.  Parochial  Knots;  to  be  untied  without  Prejudice      .        .  79 

II.  A  Board  of  Guardians 80 

HI.  "  The  World  is  my  Parish  " 84 

IV.  "Without  Prejudice  to  Any  One  but  the  Guardians  .        .  85 

V.  An  Ungodly  Jungle 88 

VI.  Parochial  Benevolence ;  and  Another  Translation    .        .  92 

PART    IV. 

WHAT  THE  CLUBS   AND  POLITICIANS   DID  WITH  HIM. 

I.  Moved  on        .        .        •        .        »        .        .        •        .        .  95 

H.  Club  Ideas 96 

III.  A  Thorough-paced  Reformer,  if  not  a  Revolutionary       .  101 

IV.  Very  Broad  Views 106 

V.  Party  Tactics,    and   Political   Obstructions    to  Social 

Reform     .       .        ..,.•«        .        .        .    113 
VI.  Amateur  Debating  in  a  High  Legislative  Body  .        .        .119 

PART   V. 

WHAT  GINX'S  BABY   DID  WITH  HIMSELF. 

The  Last  Chapter *,      -       •    123 


GINX'S  BABY. 


PART     I. 

WHAT    GINX    DID    WITH    HIM. 
I.— As  INITIO. 

r  1 1HE  name  of  the  father  of  Ginx's  Baby  was  Ginx. 
•*-  By  a  not  unexceptional  coincidence,  its  mother  was 
Mrs.  Ginx.  The  gender  of  Ginx's  Baby  was  masculine. 
On  the  day  when  our  hero  was  born,  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Ginx  were  living  at  Number  Five,  Rosemary  Street,  in 
the  city  of  Westminster.  The  being  then  and  there 
brought  into  the  world  was  not  the  only  human  entity  to 
which  the  title  of  "  Ginx's  Baby  "  was  or  had  been  ap 
propriate.  Ginx  had  been  married  to  Betsy  Hicks  at 
St.  John's,  Westminster,  on  the  twenty-fifth  day  of  Oc 
tober,  18 — ,  as  appears  from  the  "marriage  lines  "re 
tained  by  Betsy  Ginx,  and  carefully  collated  by  me  with 
the  original  register.  Our  hero  was  their  thirteenth 
child.  Patient  inquiry  has  enabled  me  to  verify  the  fol 
lowing  history  of  their  propagations.  On  July  25, 
the  year  after  their  marriage,  Mrs.  Ginx  was  safely 
delivered  of  a  girl.  No  announcement  of  this  ap- 

13 


14 


peared  in  the  newspapers.  On  the  10th  of  April 
following,  the  whole  neighborhood,  including  Great 
Smith  Street,  Marsham  Street,  Great  and  Little  Peter 
Streets,  Regent  Street,  Horseferry  Road,  and  Strutton 
Ground,  was  convulsed  by  the  report  that  a  woman 
named  Ginx  had  given  birth  to  "  a  triplet,"  consisting 
of  two  girls  and  a  boy.  The  news  penetrated  to  Dean's 
Yard  and  the  ancient  school  of  Westminster.  The 
dean,  who  accepted  nothing  on  trust,  sent  to  verify  the 
report ;  his  messenger  bearing  a  bundle  of  baby-clothes 
from  the  dean's  wife,  who  thought  that  the  mother 
could  scarcely  have  provided  for  so  large  an  addition  to 
her  family.  The  schoolboys,  on  their  way  to  the  play 
ground  at  Vincent  Square,  slyly  diverged  to  have  a  look 
at  the  curiosity ;  paying  sixpence  a  head  to  Mrs.  Ginx's 
friend  and  crony,  Mrs.  Spittal,  who  pocketed  the  money, 
and  said  nothing  about  it  to  the  sick  woman.  This  birth 
was  announced  in  all  the  newspapers  throughout  the 
kingdom,  with  the  further  news  that  her  Majesty  the 
Queen  had  been  graciously  pleased  to  forward  to  Mrs. 
Ginx  the  sum  of  three  pounds. 

What  could  have  possessed  the  woman,  I  can't  say ;  but, 
about  a  twelvemonth  after,  Mrs.  Ginx,  with  the  assist 
ance  of  two  doctors  hastily  fetched  from  the  hospital  by 
her  frightened  husband,  nearly  perished  in  a  fresh  effort 
of  maternity.  This  time,  two  sons  and  two  daughters 
fell  to  the  lot  of  the  happy  pair.  Her  Majesty  sent  four 
pounds.  But,  whatever  peace  there  was  at  home,  broils 
disturbed  the  street.  The  neighbors,  who  had  sent  for 
the  police  on  the  occasion,  were  angered  by  a  notoriety 
which  was  becoming  uncomfortable  to  them,  and  began 
to  testify  their  feelings  in  various  rough  ways.  Ginx 


HOMEj    SWEET    HOME.  15 

removed  liis  family  to  Rosemary  Street,  where,  up  to  a 
year  before  the  time  when  Ginx's  Baby  was  born,  his 
wife  had  continued  to  add  to  her  offspring  until  the  tale 
reached  one  dozen.  It  was  then  that  Ginx  affection 
ately  but  firmly  begged  that  his  wife  would  consider  her 
family  ways,  since,  in  all  conscience,  he  had  fairly  earned 
the  blessedness  of  "  the  man  who  hath  his  quiver  full  of 
them ;  "  and  frankly  gave  her  notice,  that  as  his  utmost 
efforts  could  scarcely  maintain  their  existing  family,  if 
she  ventured  to  present  him  with  any  more,  either  sin 
gle  or  twins  or  triplets  or  otherwise,  he  would  most  as 
suredly  drown  him  or  her  or  them  in  the  water-butt, 
and  take  the  consequences. 


II.— HOME,  SWEET  HOME. 

THE  day  on  which  Ginx  uttered  his  awful  threat  was 
that  next  to  the  one  wherein  number  twelve  had  drawn 
his  first  breath.  His  wife  lay  on  the  bed,  which,  at  the 
outset  of  wedded  life,  they  had  purchased  second-hand 
in  Strutton  Ground  for  the  sum  of  nine  shillings  and 
sixpence.  Second-hand  !  —  it  had  passed  through,  at 
least,  as  many  hands  as  there  were  afterwards  babies 
born  upon  it :  twelfth  or  thirteenth  hand,  a  vagabond, 
botched  bedstead,  type  of  all  the  furniture  in  Ginx's 
rooms  and  in  numberless  houses  through  the  vast  city.  Its 
dimensions  were  four  feet  six  inches  by  six  feet.  When 
Ginx,  who  was  a  stout  navvy,  and  Mrs.  Ginx,  who  was, 
you  may  conceive,  a  matronly  woman,  were  in  it,  there 
was  little  vacant  space  about  them.  Yet,  as  they  were 
forced  to  find  resting-places  for  all  the  children,  it  not 


16  GINX's    BABY. 


seldom  happened  that  at  least  one  infant  was  perilously 
wedged  between  the  parental  bodies  ;  and,  latterly,  they 
had  been  so  pressed  for  room  in  the  household,  that  two 
younglings  were  nestled  at  the  foot  of  the  bed.  With 
out  foot-boards  or  pillows,  the  lodgement  of  these  infants 
was  precarious,  since  any  fatuous  movement  of  Ginx's 
legs  was  likely  to  expel  them  head  first.  However,  they 
were  safe  ;  for  they  were  sure  to  fall  on  one  or  other  of 
their  brothers  or  sisters. 

I  shall  be  as  particular  as  a  valuer,  and  describe  what 
I  have  seen,  j  The  family  sleeping-room  measured  thir 
teen  feet  six  inches  by  fourteen  feet.  Opening  out  of 
this,  and  again  on  the  landing  of  the  third  floor,  was 
their  kitchen  and  sitting-room  :  it  was  not  quite  so  large 
as  the  other.  This  room  contained  a  press,  an  old  chest 
of  drawers,  a  wooden  box  (once  used  for  navvy's  tools), 
three  chairs,  a  stool,  and  some  cooking-utensils.  When, 
therefore,  one  little  Ginx  had  curled  himself  up  under  a 
blanket  on  the  box,  and  three  more  had  slipped  beneath 
a  tattered  piece  of  carpet  under  the  table,  there  still  re 
mained  five  little  bodies  to  be  bedded.  For  them,  an 
old  straw-mattress,  limp  enough  to  be  rolled  up  and 
thrust  under  the  bed,  was  at  night  extended  on  the  floor.  _] 
With  this,  and  a  patchwork-quilt,  the  five  were  left  to 
•  pack  themselves  together  as  best  they  could  :  so  that 
if  Ginx,  in  some  vision  of  the  night,  happened  to  be  an 
gered,  and  struck  out  his  legs  in  navvy  fashion,  it  some 
times  came  to  pass  that  a  couple  of  children  tumbled 
upon  the  mass  of  infantile  humanity  below. 

Not  to  be  described  are  the  dinginess  of  the  walls, 

*"  the  smokiness  of  the  ceilings,  the  grimy  windows,  the 

heavy,  ever-murky  atmosphere  of  these  rooms.     They 


HOME,    SWEET    HOME.  17 

were  eight  feet  six  inches  in  height ;  and  any  curious 
statist  can  calculate  the  number  of  cubic  feet  of  air 
which  they  afforded  to  each  person. 

The  other  side  of  the  street  was  fourteen  feet  distant. 
Behind,  the  backs  of  similar  tenements  came  up  black 
and  cowering  over  the  little  yard  of  Number  Five.  As 
rare,  in  the  well  thus  formed,  was  the  circulation  of  air 
as  that  of  coin  in  the  pockets  of  the  inhabitantsTj  I  have 
seen  the  yard :  let  me  warn  you,  if  you  are  fastidious, 
not  to  enter  it.  TSuch  of  the  filth  of  the  house  as  could 
not  at  night  be  thrown  out  of  the  front-windows  was 
there  collected,  and  seldom,  if  ever,  removed.  What 
became  of  it  ?  What  becomes  of  countless  such  accre 
tions  in  like  places  ?  Is  a  large  proportion  of  these 
filthy  atoms  absorbed  by  human  creatures  living  and  dy 
ing,  instead  of  being  carried  away  by  scavengers  and 
inspectors  ?  The  forty-five  big  and  little  loggers  in  the 
house  were  provided  with  a  single  office  in  the  corner  of 
the  yard.  It  had  once  been  capped  by  a  cistern,  long 
since  rotted  away. 

The  street  was  at  one  time  the  prey  of  the  gas  com 
pany  ;  at  another,  of  the  drainage  contractors.  They 
seemed  to  delight  in  turning  up  the  fetid  soil,  cutting 
deep  trenches  through  various  strata  of  filth,  and  piling 
up  for  days  or  weeks  matter  that  reeked  with  vegetable 
and  animal  decays!  One  needs  not  affirm  that  Rosemary 
Street  was  not  so  called  from  its  fragrance.  If  the 
Ginxes  and  their  neighbors  preserved  any  semblance  of 
health  in  this  place,  the  most  popular  guardian  on  the 
board  must  own  it  a  miracle.  They,  poor  people,  knew 
nothing  of  "  sanitary  reform,"  "  sanitary  precautions," 
2 


18  GINX'S   BABY. 

"zymotics,"  "endemics,"  "epidemics,"  "deodorizers," 
or  "  disinfectants."  They  regarded  disease  with  the 
apathy  of  creatures  who  felt  it  to  be  inseparable  from 
humanity,  and  with  the  fatalism  of  despair. 

Gin  was  their  cardinal  prescription,  not  for  cure,  but 
for  oblivion :  "  Sold  everywhere."  A  score  of  palaces 
flourished  within  call  of  each  other  in  that  dismal  dis 
trict,  —  garish,  rich-looking  dens,  drawing  to  the  support 
of  their  vulgar  glory  the  means,  the  lives,  the  eternal 
destinies,  of  the  wrecked  masses  about  them.  Veritable 
wreckers  they  who  construct  these  haunts,  viler  than  the 
wretches  who  place  false  beacons  and  plunder  bodies  on 
the  beach.  Bring  down  the  real  owners  of  these  places, 
and  show  them  their  deadly  work  !  —  some  of  them  lead 
ing  philanthropists,  eloquent  at  missionary  meetings  and 
Bible  societies,  paying  tribute  to  the  Lord  out  of  the 
pockets  of  dying  drunkards,  fighting  glorious  battles  for 
slaves,  and  manfully  upholding  popular  rights.  My  rich 
publican,  —  forgive  the  pun,  —  before  you  pay  tithes  of 
mint  and  cumin,  much  more  before  you  claim  to  be  a 
disciple  of  a  certain  Nazarene,  take  a  lesson  from  one 
who  restored  fourfold  the  money  he  had  wrung  from 
honest  toil,  or  reflect  on  the  case  of  the  man  to  whom  it 
was  said,  "  Go  sell  all  thou  hast,  and  give  to  the  poor." 
The  lips  from  which  that  counsel  dropped  offered  some 
unpleasant  alternatives ;  leaving  out  one,  however,  which 
nowadays  may  yet  reach  you,  —  the  contempt  of  your 
kind. 


WOKK   AND    IDEAS.  19 


ni.  — WORK  AND  IDEAS. 

I  RETURN"  again  to  Ginx's  menace  to  his  wife,  who 
was  suckling  her  infant  at  the  time  on  the  bed.  For  her 
he  had  an  animal  affection,  that  preserved  her  from  un- 
kindness,  even  in  his  cups.  His  hand  had  never  un 
manned  itself  by  striking  her ;  and  rarely,  indeed,  did  it 
injure  any  one  else.  He  wrestled  not  against  flesh  and 
blood,  or  powers  or  principalities,  or  wicked  spirits  in 
high  places  :  he  struggled  with  clods  and  stones  and 
primeval  chaos.  His  hands  were  horny  with  the  fight ; 
and  his  nature  had  perhaps  caught  some  of  the  dull 
ruggedness  of  the  things  wherewith  he  battled.  Hard 
and  with  a  will  had  he  worked  through  the  years  of 
wedded  life  ;  and,  to  speak  him  fair,  he  had  acted 
honestly,  within  the  limits  of  his  knowledge  and  means, 
for  the  good  of  his  family.  How  narrow  were  those 
limits !  Every  week  he  threw  into  the  lap  of  Mrs. 
Ginx  the  eighteen  or  twenty  shillings  which  his  strength 
and  temperance  enabled  him  continuously  to  earn,  less 
sixpence  reserved  for  the  public-house,  whither  he  re 
treated  on  Sundays  after  the  family  dinner.  A  dozen 
children,  over-running  the  space  in  his  rooms,  was  then 
a  strain  beyond  the  endurance  of  Ginx.  Nor  had  he 
the  heart  to  try  the  common  plan,  and  turn  his  children 
out  of  doors,  on  the  chance  of  their  being  picked  up  in 
a  raid  of  Sunday-school  teachers.  So  he  turned  out 
himself  to  talk  with  the  humbler  spirits  of  "  The  Dragon," 
or  listen  sleepily  while  alehouse  demagogues  prescribed 
remedies  for  State  abuses. 

Our  friend  was  nearly  as  guiltless  of  knowledge  as  if 
Eve  had  never  rifled  the  tree  whereon  it  grew.  Vacant 


20  GINX?S    BABY. 

of  policies  were  his  thoughts ;  innocent  he  of  ideas  of 
State-craft.  He  knew  there  was  a  Queen  :  he  had  seen 
her.  Lords  and  Commons  were  to  him  vague  deities 
possessing  strange  powers  :  indeed,  he  had  been  present 
when  some  of  his  better-informed  companions  had  recog 
nized  with  cheers  certain  gentlemen  —  of  whom  Ginx's 
estimate  was  expressed  by  a  reference  to  his  test  of  su 
periority  to  himself  in  that  which  he  felt  to  be  greatest 
within  him,  "  I  could  lick  'em  with  my  little  finger  !  "  — 
as  the  chancellor  of  the  exchequer  and  the  prime-minis 
ter.  Little  recked  he  of  their  uses  or  abuses.  The 
functions  of  government  were  to  him  Asian  mysteries. 
He  only  felt  that  it  ought  to  have  a  strong  arm,  like  the 
brawny  member  wherewith  he  preserved  order  in  his 
domestic  kingdom  ;  and  therefore  generally  associated 
government  with  the  police.  In  his  view,  these  were 
to  clear  away  evil-doers,  and  leave  every  one  else  alone. 
The  higher  objects  of  government  were,  if  at  all,  out 
lined  in  the  shadowiest  form  in  his  imagination.  Gov 
ernment  imposed  taxes  :  that  he  was  obliged  to  know. 
Government  maintained  the  parks  :  for  that  he  thanked 
it.  Government  made  laws  ;  but  what  they  were,  or 
with  what  aim  or  effects  made,  he  knew  not,  save  only 
that  by  them  something  was  done  to  raise  or  depress  the 
prices  of  bread,  tea,  sugar,  and  other  necessaries.  Why 
they  should  do  so,  he  never  conceived :  I  am  not  sure 
that  he  cared.  Legislation  sometimes  pinched  him  ;  but 
darkness  so  Ltd  from  him  the  persons  and  objects  of  the 
legislators,  that  he  could  not  criticise  the  theories  which 
those  powerful  beings  were  subjecting  to  experiment  at 
his  cost.  I  must,  at  any  risk,  say  something  about  this 
in  a  separate  chapter. 


A   DIGRESSION.  21 


IV.— DIGRESSIVE,  AND  MAY  BE  SKIPPED  WITHOUT   MUTILATING 
THE  HISTORY. 

I  STOP  here  to  address  any  of  the  following  characters, 
should  he  perchance  read  these  memoirs  :  — 
You,  Mr.  Statesman,  —  if  there  be  such  ; 

Mr.  Pseudo  -  Statesman,  Placeman,  Party  -  Leader, 
Wire-Puller ; 

Mr.  Amateur   Statesman,  Dilettante   Lord,   Civil 
Servant ; 

Mr.  Clubman,  Litterateur,  Newspaper  Scribe ; 

Mr.  People's      Candidate,      Demagogue,     Fenian 

Spouter,  — 

or  whoever  you  may  be,  professing  to  know  aught  or  do 
any  thing  in  matters  of  policy,  consider,  what  I  am  sure 
you  have  never  fairly  weighed,  the  condition  of  a  man 
whose  clearest  notion  of  government  is  derived  from  the 
police.  Imagine  one,  who  had  never  seen  a  polype,  trying 
to  construct  an  ideal  of  the  animal  from  a  single  tentacle 
swinging  out  from  the  tangle  of  weed  in  which  the  rest 
was  wrapped !  How,  then,  any  more  can  you  fancy  that 
a  man,  to  whose  sight  and  knowledge  the  only  part  of 
government  practically  exposed  is  the  strong  process  of 
police,  shall  form  a  proper  conception  of  the  functions, 
reasons,  operations,  and  relations  of  government,  or 
even  ljuild  up  an  ideal  of  any  thing  but  a  haughty,  un 
reasonable,  antagonistic,  tax-imposing  FORCE  ?  And 
how  can  you  rule  such  a  being  except  as  you  rule  a  dog, 
by  that  which  alone  he  understands,  —  the  dog-whip  of 
the  constable  ?  Given  in  a  country  a  majority  of  crea 
tures  like  these,  and  surely  despotism  is  its  properest 
complement.  But  when  they  exist,  as  they  exist  in 


22 


England  to-day,  in  hundreds  of  thousands,  in  town  and 
country,  think  what  a  complication  they  introduce  into 
your  theoretic  free  system  of  government.  Acts  of 
Parliament  passed  by  a  "  freely-elected  "  House  of  Com 
mons  and  an  hereditary  House  of  Lords,  under  the 
threats  of  freely-electing  citizens,  however  pure  in  inten 
tion  and  correct  in  principle,  will  not  seem  to  him  to  be 
the  resultants  of  every  wish  in  the  community  so  much 
as  dictations  by  superior  strength.  To  these  the  obedi 
ence  he  will  render  will  not  be  the  loving  assent  of  his 
heart,  but  a  begrudged  concession  to  circumstance. 
Your  awe-invested  legislature  is  not  viewed  as  his  friend 
and  brother-helper,  but  his  tyrant.  Therefore  the  most 
natural  bent  of  his  workman-statesmanship  —  a  rough, 
bungling  affair  —  will  be  to  tame  you,  —  you  who  ought 
to  be  his  counsellor  and  friend.  When  he  finds  that 
your  legislative  action  exerts  upon  him  a  repressive  and 
restraining  force,  he  will  curse  you  as  its  author,  because 
he  sees  not  the  springs  you  are  working.  Should  he 
even  be  a  little  more  advanced  in  knowledge  than  our 
friend  Ginx,  and  learn  that  he  helps  to  elect  the  Parlia 
ment  to  make  laws  on  behalf  of  himself  and  his  fellow- 
citizens,  he  will  scarce  trust  the  assembly  which  is 
supposed  to  represent  him.  Will  he,  like  a  good  citizen 
and  a  politic,  accept  with  dignity  and  self-control  the 
decision  of  a  majority  against  his  prejudices  ?  or  will  he 
not  regard  the  whole  Wittenagemote  with  suspicion,  con 
tempt,  or  even  hatred?  See  him  rush  madly  to  Trafal 
gar-square  meetings,  Hyde-park  demonstrations,  perhaps 
to  Lord  George  Gordon  riots,  as  if  there  were  no  less 
perilous  means  of  publishing  his  opinions !  There  wily 
men  may  lead  his  unconscious  intellect,  and  stir  his  pas- 


A   DIGRESSION.  23 

sions,  and  direct  his  forces  against  his  own  and  his  chil 
dren's  good. 

Did  it  ever  occur  to  you,  or  any  of  you,  how  many 
voters  cannot  read,  and  how  many  more,  though  they 
can  read,  are  unable  to  apprehend  reasons  of  statesman 
ship  ?  that  even  newspapers  cannot  inform  them,  since 
they  have  not  the  elementary  knowledge  needed  for  the 
comprehension  of  those  things  which  are  discussed  in 
them  ?  nay,  that,  for  want  of  understanding  the  same, 
they  may  terribly  distort  political  aims  and  consequences? 

Might  it  not  be  worth  while  for  you,  gentlemen,  may 
it  not  be  your  duty,  to  devise  ways  and  means  for  con 
veying  such  elementary  instruction  by  good  street- 
preachers  on  politics  and  economy,  or  even  political 
Bible-women  or  colporters,  and  so  to  make  clear  to  the 
understanding  of  every  voter  what  are  the  reasons  and 
aims  of  every  act  of  legislation,  home  administration, 
and  foreign  policy  ?  If  you  do  not  find  out  some  way  to 
do  this,  he  may  turn  round  upon  you,  —  I  hope  he  may, 
—  and  insist  on  annually-elected  parliaments,  and  thus 
oblige  ambitious  State-mongers,  in  the  rivalry  of  place, 
to  come  to  him  and  declare  more  often  their  wishes  and 
objects.  Other  attractions  may  be  found  in  that  solu 
tion  ;  such  as  the  untying  of  some  knots  of  electoral 
difficulty,  and  removing  incitements  to  corruption.  Ten 
thousand  pounds  for  one  year's  power  were  a  high  price, 
even  to  a  contractor.  Think,  then,  whether,  at  any  cost, 
some  general  political  education  must  not  be  attempted, 
since  there  is  a  spirit  breathing  on  the  waters ;  and  how 
it  shall  convulse  them  is  no  indifferent  matter  to  you  or 
to  me.  Everywhere  around  us  are  unhewn  rocks  stirred 
with  a  strange  motion.  Leave  these  chaotic  fragments 


24  GINX'S    BABY. 


of  humanity  to  be  hewn  into  rough  shape  by  coarse 
artists  seeking  only  a  petty  profit,  unhandy,  immeasura 
bly  impudent  ;  or  dress  them  by  your  teaching  —  teach 
ing  which  is  the  highest,  noblest,  purest,  most  efficient 
function  of  government,  which  ought  to  be  the  most  lofty 
ambition  of  statesmanship  —  to  be  civic  corner-stones, 
polished  after  the  similitude  of  a  palace. 


V.  — REASONS  AND  RESOLVES. 

GINX  has  been  waiting  through  three  chapters  to 
explain  his  truculence  upon  the  birth  of  his  twelfth 
child.  Much  explanation  is  not  necessary.  When  he 
looked  round  his  nest  and  saw  the  many  open  mouths 
about  him,  he  might  well  be  appalled  to  have  another 
added  to  them.  His  children  were  not  chameleons  :  yet 
they  were  already  forced  to  be  content  with  a  proportion 
of  air  for  their  food  ;  and  even  the  air  was  bad.  They 
were  pallid  and  pinched.  How  they  were  clad  will  ever 
be  a  mystery,  save  to  the  poor  woman  who  strung  the 
limp  rags  together,  and  Him  who  watched  the  noble  pa 
tience  and  sacrifice  of  a  daily  heroism.  Of  her  own 
unsatisfied  cravings,  and  the  dense  motherly  horrors 
that  sometimes  brooded  over  her  while  she  nursed  these 
infants,  let  me  refrain  from  speaking ;  since,  if  as  vividly 
depicted  as  they  were  real,  you,  madam,  could  not  endure 
to  read  of  them.  Her  poor,  unintelligent  mind  clung 
tenaciously  to  the  controverted  aphorism,  "  Where  God 
sends  mouths,  he  sends  food  to  fill  them."  Believing 
that  there  was  a  God,  and  that  he  must  be  kind,  she 
trusted  in  this  as  a  truth  :  and  perhaps  an  all-seeing  Eye, 
reading  some  quaint  characters  on  her  simple  heart, 


LAW   AND   NECESSITY.  25 

viewed  them  not  too  nearly,  but  had  regard  to  their  gen 
eral  import ;  for,  as  she  expressed  it,  "  Thank  God  !  they 
had  always  been  able  to  get  along." 

In  the  rush  and  tumult  of  the  world,  it  is  likely  that 
the  summum  bonum  of  nine-tenths  of  mankind  is  em 
braced  in  that  purely  negative  happiness, —  to  get  along  ; 
not  to  perish  ;  to  open  eyes,  however  wearily,  on  a  new 
morning  ;  to  satisfy  with  something,  no  matter  what,  a 
craving  appetite ;  to  close  eyes  at  night  under  some 
shadow  or  shelter ;  or,  it  may  be,  in  certain  ranks  to 
walk  another  day  free  from  bankruptcy  or  arrest.  Thank 
Heaven !  they  are  just  able  to  get  along. 

Convinced  that  another  infant  straw  would  break  lus 
back,  Ginx  calmly  proposed  to  disconcert  physical,  moral, 
and  legal  relations  by  drowning  the  straw.  Mrs.  Ginx, 
clinging  to  Number  Twelve,  listened  aghast.  If  a  mother 
can  forget  her  sucking  child,  she  was  not  that  mother. 
The  stream  of  her  affections,  though  divided  into  twelve 
rills,  would  not  have  been  exhausted  in  twenty-four; 
and  her  soul,  forecasting  its  sorrow,  yearned  after  that 
nonentity,  Number  Thirteen.  She  pictured  to  herself 
the  hapless  strangeling  borne  away  from  her  bosom  by 
those  strong  arms ;  and,  in  fact,  she  sobbed  so,  that  Ginx 
grew  ashamed,  and  sought  to  comfort  her  by  the  sugges- 
tior  that  she  could  not  have  any  more.  But  she  knew 
better. 


VI.  — THE  ANTAGONISM  OF  LAW  AND  NECESSITY. 

IN  eighteen  months,  notwithstanding  resolves,  men 
aces,  and  prophecies,  GINX'S  BABY  was  born.  The 
mother  hid  the  impending  event  long  from  the  father. 


26  GINX'S    BABY. 

Whi—  he  came  to  know  it,  he  fixed  his  determination 
by  nitron  thought  and  a  little  extra  drinking.  He  ar 
gued  tiias :  "  He  wouldn't  go  on  the  parish.  He  couldn't 
keep  another  youngster  to  save  his  life.  He  had  never 
taken  charity,  and  never  would.  There  was  nothink  to 
do  with  it  but  drown  it ! "  Female  friends  of  Mrs. 
Ginx  bruited  his  intentions  about  the  neighborhood,  so 
that  her  "  time  "  was  watched  for  with  interest.  At  last 
it  came.  One  afternoon,  Ginx,  lounging  home,  saw  signs 
of  excitement  around  his  door  in  Rosemary  Street.  A 

knot  of  women  and  children  awaited  his  comino*.     Pass 
es 

ing  through  them,  he  soon  learned  what  had  happened. 
Poor  Mrs.  Ginx !  Without  staying  to  think  or  argue, 
he  took  up  the  little  stranger,  and  bore  it  from  the 
room 

"  Oh,  oh,  oh  !  Ginx !  Ginx !  " 

She  would  have  risen ;  but  a  strong  power,  called 
weakness,  pulled  her  back. 

The  man  meanwhile  had  reached  the  street. 

"  Here  he  comes  !  There's  the  baby  !  He's  going  to 
do  it,  sure  enough !  "  shrieked  the  women.  The  children 
stood  agape.  He  stopped  to  consider.  It  is  very  well 
to  talk  about  drowning  your  baby  ;  but  to  do  it  you  need 
two  things,  —  water  and  opportunity.  Vauxhall  Bridge 
was  the  nearest  way  to  the  former ;  and  towards  it  Ginx 
turned. 

"  Stop  him  !  " 

"  Murder ! " 

"  Take  the  child  from  him  !  " 

The  crowd  grew  larger,  and  impeded  the  man's  prog 
ress.  Some  of  his  fellow-workmen  stood  by  regarding 
the  fun. 


LAW   AND   NECESSITY.  27 

"  Leave  us  aloan,  naabors  !  "  shouted  Ginx  :  "  this  is  my 
own  baby,  and  I'll  do  wot  I  likes  with  it.  I  kent  keep 
it ;  an,'  if  I've  got  any  thin'  I  kent  keep,  it's  best  to  get 
rid  of  it,  ain't  it  ?  This  child's  goin'  over  Wauxhall 
Bridge." 

But  the  women  clung  to  his  arms  and  coat-tails. 

"  Hallo  !  what's  all  this  about  ?  "  said  a  sharp,  strong 
inan,  well  dressed,  and  in  good  condition,  coming  up  to 
the  crowd,  —  "  another  foundling  ?  Confound  the  place ! 
the  very  stones  produce  babies  !  Where  was  it  found  ?  " 

CHORUS  (recognizing  a  deputy-relieving  officer).  It 
warn't  found  at  all :  it's  Ginx's  baby. 

OFFICER.  —  Ginx's  baby  ?     Who's  Ginx  ? 

GINX.  —  I  am. 

OFFICER.  —  Well  ? 

GINX.  —  Well! 

CHORUS.  —  He's  goin'  to  drown  it. 

OFFICER.  —  Going  to  drown  it  ?     Nonsense  ! 

GINX.  —  I  am. 

OFFICER.  —  But,  bless  my  heart,  that's  murder  ! 

GINX.  —  No  'tain't.  I've  twelve  already  at  home. 
Starvashon's  sure  to  kill  this  'un.  Best  save  it  the 
trouble. 

CHORUS.  —  Take  it  away,  Mr.  Smug :  he'll  kill  it  if 
you  don't. 

OFFICER.  —  Stuff  and  nonsense  !  Quite  contrary  to 
law !  Why,  man,  you're  bound  to  support  your  child. 
You  can't  throw  it  off  in  that  way ;  nor  on  the  parish 
neither.  Give  me  your  name.  I  must  get  a  magistrate's 
order.  The  act  of  Parliament  is  as  clear  as  daylight. 
I  had  a  man  up  under  it  last  week.  "  Whosoever  shall 
unlawfully  abandon  or  expose  any  child  being  under  the 


28  GIXX'S    BABY. 

age  of  two  years  whereby  the  life  of  such  child  shall  be 
endangered  or  the  health  of  such  child  shall  have  been 
or  shall  be  likely  to  be  permanently  injured  (drowning 
comes  under  that  I  think)  shall  be  guilty  of  a  MISDE 
MEANOR  and  being  convicted  thereof  shall  be  liable  at 
the  discretion  of  the  court  to  be  kept  in  PENAL  SERVI 
TUDE  for  the  term  of  three  years  or  to  be  imprisoned  for 
any  term  not  exceeding  two  years  with  or  without  hard 
labor." 

Mr.  Smug  the  officer  rolled  out  this  section  in  a  sono 
rous  monotone,  without  stops,  like  a  clerk  of  the  court. 
It  was  his  pride  to  know  by  heart  all  the  acts  relating  to 
his  department,  and  to  bring  them  down  upon  any  obsti 
nate  head  that  he  wished  to  crush.  Ginx's  head,  how 
ever,  was  impervious  to  an  act  of  Parliament.  In  his 
then  temper,  the  comrnination-service  or  St.  Ernulphus's 
curse  would  have  been  feathers  to  him.  The  only  feel 
ing  aroused  in  his  mind  by  the  words  of  the  legislature 
was  one  of  resentment.  To  him  they  seemed  unjust  be 
cause  they  were  hard  and  fast,  and  made  no  allowance 
for  circumstances.  So  he  said,  — 

GINX.  —  D the  act  of  Parliament !  What's  the 

use  of  saying  I  sha'n't  abandon  the  child,  when  I  can't 
keep  it  alive  ? 

OFFICER. — But  you're  bound  by  law  to  keep  it 
alive 

GINX.  —  Bound  to  keep  it  alive  ?  How  am  I  to  do 
it  ?  There's  the  rest  on  'em  there  (nodding  towards  his 
house)  little  better  nor  alive  now.  If  that's  an  act  of 
Parleyment,  why  don't  the  act  of  Parleyment  provide  for 
'em  ?  You  know  what  wages  is ;  and  I  can't  get  more 
than  is  going. 


MALTHUS    AND    MAN.  29 

CHORUS.  —  Yes.  Why  don't  Parleyment  provide  for 
?em  ?  You  take  the  child,  Mr.  Sinug. 

OFFICER  (regardless  of  grammar). — Me  take  the 
child !  The  parish  has  enough  to  do  to  take  care  of 
foundlings,  and  children  whose  parents  can't  or  don't 
work.  You  don't  suppose  we  will  look  after  the  children 
of  those  who  can  ? 

GINX.  —  Jest  so.  You'll  bring  up  bastards  and  beg 
gars'  pups ;  but  you  won't  help  an  honest  man  to  keep 
his  head  above  water.  This  child's  head  is  goin'  under 
water  anyhow!  And  he  prepared  to  bolt,  aniid  fresh 
screams  from  the  chorus. 


VII.  —  MALTIIUS  AND  MAN. 

Two  gentlemen  who  had  been  observing  the  excite 
ment  here  came  forward. 

FIRST  GENTLEMAN.  —  This  is  our  problem  again, 
Mr.  Philosopher. 

MR.  PHILOSOPHER  (to  Ginx).  —  You  don't  know 
what  to  do  with  your  infant,  my  friend  ;  and  you  think 
the  State  ought  to  provide  for  it  ?  I  understand  you  to 
say  this  is  your  thirteenth  child.  How  came  you  to  have 
so  many  ? 

This  question,  though  put  with  profound  and  even 
melancholy  gravity,  disconcerted  Ginx,  Officer,  and  Cho 
rus,  who  united  in  a  hearty  outburst  of  laughter. 

GINX.  — -  Haw.  haw,  haw  !  How  came  I  to  have  so 
many?  Why,  my  old  woman's  a  good  'un,  and  — 

In  fact,  after  searching  his  mind  for  some  clever  way 


30  GIST'S    BABY. 


of  putting  a  comical  rejoinder,  Ginx  laughed  boisterous 
ly.  There  are  two  aspects  of  a  question. 

PHILOSOPHER.  —  I  am  serious,  my  friend.  Did  it  never 
occur  to  you  that  you  had  no  right  to  bring  children  into 
the  world  unless  you  could  feed  and  clothe  and  educate 
them  ? 

CHORUS.  —  Laws  a'  mercy  ! 

Gixx.  —  I'd  like  to  know  how  I  could  help  it,  naabor. 
I'm  a  married  man. 

PHILOSOPHER.  —  Well,  I  will  go  further,  and  say  you 
ought  not  to  have  married  without  a  fair  prospect  of 
being  able  to  provide  for  any  contingent  increase  of 
family. 

CHORUS.  —  Laws  a'  mercy  ! 

PHILOSOPHER  (waxing  warm).  What  right  had  you 
to  marry  a  poor  woman,  and  then  both  of  you,  with  as 
little  forethought  as  two  —  a  —  dogs,  or  other  brutes  — 
to  produce  between  you  such  a  multitudinous  progeny  ?  — 

GINX.  —  Civil  words,  naabor.  Don't  call  my  family 
hard  names. 

PHILOSOPHER.  —  Then  let  me  say  such  a  monstrous 
number  of  children  as  thirteen?  You  kneWj  as  you 
said  just  now,  that  wages  were  wages,  and  did  not  vary 
much;  and  yet  you  have  gone  on  subdividing  your 
resources  by  the  increase  of  what  must  become  a  degen 
erate  offspring.  (To  the  Chorus.)  All  you  workpeople 
are  doing  it.  Is  it  not  time  to  think  about  these  things, 
and  stop  the  indiscriminate  production  of  human  beings 
whose  lives  you  cannot  properly  maintain  ?  Ought  you 
not  to  act  more  like  reflective  creatures,  and  less  like 
brutes  ?  As  if  breeding  were  the  whole  object  of  life  ! 
How  much  better  for  you,  my  friend,  if  you  had  never 


MALTHUS   AND   MAN.  31 

married  at  all,  than  to  have  had  the  worry  of  a  wife  a^d 
children  all  these  years  ! 

The  philosopher  had  gone  too  far.  There  were  some 
angry  murmurs  among  the  women ;  and  Ginx's  face  grew 
dark.  He  was  thinking  of  "  all  those  years,"  and  the 
poor  creature  that  from  morning  to  night,  and  Sunday 
to  Sunday,  in  calm  and  storm,  had  clung  to  his  rough 
affections ;  and  the  bright  eyes ;  and  the  winding  arms 
so  often  trellised  over  his  tremendous  form ;  and  the  coy 
tricks  and  laughter  that  had  cheered  so  many  tired 
hours.  He  may  have  been  much  of  a  brute ;  but  he  felt, 
that,  after  all,  that  sort  of  thing  was  denied  to  dogs  and 
pigs.  Before  he  could  translate  his  thoughts  into  words 
or  acts,  a  shrewd-looking,  curly-haired  stonemason,  who 
stood  by  with  his  tin  on  his  arm,  cut  into  the  discussion. 

STONEMASON.  —  Your  doctrines  won't  go  down  here, 
Mr.  Philosopher.  I've  'card  of  them  before.  I'd  just 
like  to  ask  you  what  a  man's  to  do,  and  what  a  woman's 
to  do,  if  they  don't  marry  ;  and,  if  they  do,  how  can  you 
honestly  hinder  them  from  having  any  children  V 

The  stonemason  had  rudely  struck  out  the  cardinal 
issues  of  the  question. 

PHILOSOPHER.  —  Well,  to  take  the  last  point  first, 
there  are  physical  and  ethical  questions  involved  in  it 
which  it  is  hard  to  discuss  before  such  an  audience  as 
this. 

STONEMASON.  —  But  you  must  discuss  'em,  if  you 
wish  us  to  change  our  ways  and  stop  breeding. 

PHILOSOPHER.  —  Very  well :  perhaps  you  are  right- 
But,  again,  I  should  first  have  to  establish  a  basis  for 
my  arguments  by  showing  that  the  conception  of  mar 
riage  entertained  by  you  all  is  a  low  one.  It  is  not 


32  GIXX'S    BABY. 

simply  a  breeding  matter.  The  beauty  and  value  of  the 
relation  lies  in  its  educational  effects,  —  the  cultivation 
of  mutual  sentiments  and  refinements  of  great  impor 
tance  to  a  community. 

STONEMASON.  —  Ay  !  Very  beautiful  and  refining  to 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Philosopher ;  but  I'd  like  to  know  where 
the  country  would  have  been  if  our  fathers  had  held  to 
that  view  of  matrimony  ?  Why,  ain't  it  in  natur'  for  all 
beings  to  pair,  and  have  young  V  an'  you  say  we  ain't  to 
do  it !  I  think  a  statesman  ought  to  make  something 
out  of  what's  nateral  to  human  beings,  and  not  try  to 
change  their  naturs.  Besides,  ain't  there  good  of  an 
other  kind  to  be  got  out  of  the  relation  of  parents  and 
children  ?  Did  you  ever  have  a  child  yourself? 

GINX  (contemplating  the  philosopher's  physique).  He 
have  a  youngster !  He  couldn't. 

CHORUS.  —  Ha,  ha,  ha ! 

STONEMASON.  —  I  don't  believe  in  yer  humbuggin* 
notions.  They  lead  to  lust  and  crime  :  I'm  told  they  do 
in  France.  If  you  yourself  haven't  the  human  natur  in 
you  to  know  it,  I'll  tell  you,  and  we  can  all  tell  you,  that,  as 
a  rule,  if  the  healthy  desires  of  natur  ain't  satisfied  in  a 
honest  way,  they  will  be  in  another.  You  can't  stop 
eating  by  passin'  an  act  of  Parleyment  to  stop  it ;  and, 
as  for  yer  eddication  and  cultivation,  that  makes  no 
difference.  We  know  something  here  about  yer  eddi- 
cated  men,  —  more  than  they  think.  Who  is  it  we  meet 
about  the  streets  late  at  night  goin'  to  the  gay  houses  ? 
Some  of  'em  stand  near  as  high  as  you ;  but  that  don't 
alter  their  natur.  They  have  their  passions  like  other 
men;  and  eddication  don't  keep  'em  down.  Well,  if 
that's  the  case,  how  can  you  ask  people  of  our  sort  to 


THE  BABY'S  FIRST  TRANSLATION.          33 

put  on  the  curb,  or  make  us  do  it  ?  Are  we  to  live  more 
like  beasts  than  we  are  now,  or  do  what's  worse  than 
murder  ?  I  don't  see  no  other  way.  Among  us,  I  tell 
you,  sir,  three-fourths  of  our  eddication  is  eddication  of 
the  heart.  We  have  to  learn  to  be  human,  kind,  self- 
denyin' :  and  I  think  this  makes  better  men,  as  a  rule, 
than  head-larnin' ;  though  I  don't  despise  that,  neither. 
But  you  don't  suppose  head-citizens  would  fight  for  their 
country  like  men  with  wives  and  children  behind  'em  ? 
Why,  they  don't  even  at  home  work  for  daily  food  like 
a  man  with  wife  and  babies  to  provide  for. 

The  stonemason  was  above  his  class,  —  one  of  those 
shrewd  men  that  "  the  people  called  Methodists "  get 
hold  of,  and  use  among  the  lower  orders  under  the  name 
of  "  local  preachers ;  "  men  who  learn  to  think  and 
speak  better  than  their  fellows.  The  philosopher  testi 
fied  some  admiration  by  listening  attentively,  and  was 
about  to  reply  ;  but  the  chorus  was  tired,  and  the  women 
would  not  hear  him. 

CHORUS.  —  Best  get  out  o'  this.  We  don't  want  any 
o'  yer  filhosophy.  Go  and  get  childer'  of  yer  own,  &c. 

The  philosopher  and  his  friend  departed,  carrying 
with  them  unsolved  the  problem  they  had  brought. 


Vill.  —  THE  BABY'S  FIRST  TRANSLATION. 

THE  stonemason  had  been  the  hero  of  the  moment : 
now  attention  centred  on  our  own  hero.  Ginx  hurried 
off  again  ;  but,  as  the  crowd  opened  before  him,  he  was 
met,  and  his  mad  career  stayed,  by  a  slight  figure,  femi 
nine,  draped  in  black  to  the  feet,  wearing  a  curiously- 
3 


34 


framed  white-winged  hood  above  her  pale  face,  and  a 
large  cross  suspended  from  her  girdle.  He  could  not 
run  her  down. 

NUN.  —  Stop,  MAN  !  Are  you  mad  ?  Give  me  the 
child. 

He  placed  the  little  bundle  in  her  arms.  She  uncov 
ered  the  queer  ruby  face,  and  kissed  it.  Ginx  had  not 
looked  at  the  face  before ;  but  after  seeing  it,  and  the 
act  of  this  woman,  he  could  not  have  touched  a  hair  of 
his  child's  head.  His  purpose  died  from  that  moment, 
though  his  perplexity  was  still  alive. 

NUN.  —  Let  me  have  it.  I  will  take  it  to  the  Sisters' 
Home,  and  it  shall  live  there.  Your  wife  may  come  and 
nurse  it.  We  will  take  charge  of  it. 

GINX.  —  And  you  won't  send  it  back  again  ?  You'll 
take  it  for  good  and  all  ? 

NUN.  —  Oh,  yes  1 

GINX.  —  Good  !     Give  us  yer  hand. 

A  little  white  hand  came  out  from  under  her  burthen, 
and  was  at  once  half  crushed  in  Ginx's  elephantine 
grasp. 

GINX.  —  Done.  Thank'ee,  missus.  Come,  mates,  I'll 
stand  a  drink. 

A  few  minutes  after,  the  woman  of  the  cross,  who  had 
been  up  to  comfort  the  poor  mother,  fluttered  with  her 
white  wings  down  Rosemary  Street,  carrying  in  her 
arms  Ginx's  Baby. 


PART    II. 

WHAT  CHARITY  AND  THE  CHURCHES  DID  WITH 
HIM. 

I.  —  THE  MILK  OF  HUMAN  KINDNESS,  MOTHER'S  MILK,  AND  THE 
MILK  OF  THE  WORD. 

THE  early  days  of  his  residence  at  the  Home  of  the 
Sisters  of  Misery,  in  Winkle  Street,  was  the  Eden 
of  Ginx's  Baby's  existence.  Themselves  innocent  of  a 
mother's  experiences,  the  Sisters  were  free  to  give  play 
to  their  affections  in  a  novel  direction,  and  to  assume  a 
sort  of  spiritual  maternity  that  was  lucky  for  the 
changeling.  He  was  nestled  in  kind  serge-covered  arms  : 
kisses  rained  upon  him  from  chaste  lips.  A  slight  scan 
dal  thrilled  the  convent  upon  the  discovery  of  his  sex, 
which  had,  of  course,  been  a  pure  matter  of  conjecture 
to  Sister  Pudicitia  when  she  rescued  him ;  but  enthusi 
asm  can  overcome  any  thing.  The  awkward  questions 
foreshadowed  in  the  discovery  were  left  to  be  considered 
when  their  growing  importance  should  demand  upon 
them  the  judgment  of  the  archbishop.  Visions  of  an 
unusual  sanctity  to  be  fostered  in  the  pure  regions  of  the 
convent,  and  to  be  sent  on  a  mission  into  the  world  to 
attest  the  power  of  their  spiritual  discipline,  began  to 

35 


36  GINX'S   BABY. 

haunt  the  brains  of  the  sequestered  nuns.  Might  not 
this  infant  be  an  embryo  saint,  destined  for  a  great  work 
in  the  heretical  wilderness  out  of  which  he  had  come  ? 
How  little  healthy  food  the  brains  must  have  had  where 
in  these  insane  dreams  were  excited  by  our  innocent 
baby !  Hardly  did  the  sacred  spinsters  forecast  what 
was  in  store  for  them  when  he  should  be  teething. 

But  Ginx's  Baby  was  in  a  religious  atmosphere,  and 
that  is  always  surcharged  with  electricity.  His  lot 
must  have  been  above  that  of  any  other  human  being 
if  he  could  long  have  remained  in  such  a  climate  un- 
visited  by  thunder.  The  mother  had  been,  permitted  to 
attend  at  the  Home  with  the  same  regularity  as  the 
miJkman,  to  discharge  her  maternal  duties.  Then,  with 
the  rise  of  the  visionary  projects  just  mentioned,  the 
gravest  doubts  began  to  agitate  the  fertile  and  casuistic 
mind  of  the  lady-superior.  The  holier  her  ideal  St. 
Ginx  of  the  future,  the  more  to  be  deplored  was  any 
heretical  taint  in  the  present.  Holy  Mother  !  Was  it 
not  perhaps  eminently  perilous  to  his  spiritual  purity 
that  an  unbeliever  like  Mrs.  Ginx  should  bring  uncon- 
secrated  milk  into  the  convent  to  be  administered  to  this 
suckling  of  the  Church !  In  her  uneasiness,  she  appealed 
to  Father  Certificatus,  the  conventual  confessor.  He 
gave  his  opinion  in  the  following  letter :  — 

"DEAR  SISTER  SUSPICIOSA,  —  The  very  grave  ques 
tion  you  have  put  to  me  has  given  me  much  anxiety.  It 
could  not  but  do  so,  since  it  occupied,  I  knew,  so  fully 
your  own  holy  reflections.  I  pondered  it  during  the 
night  while  I  repeated  one  hundred  Aves  on  my  knees  ; 
and  I  think  the  Blessed  Virgin  has  vouchsafed  her  as 
sistance. 


MILK    OF    HUMAl*    KINDNESS,    ETC.  37 

"  I  understood  you  to  say  you  thought  that  the  phys 
ical  health  of  the  infant,  so  singularly  and  miraculously 
thrown  upon  your  care,  required  the  offices  of  his 
heretic  mother,  and  yet  that  you  felt  how  inconsistent 
it  was,  with  the  noble  future  we  contemplate  for  him, 
that  he  should  receive  unorthodox  lacteal  sustentation. 
In  this  you  are  but  following  the  usage  of  the  Church 
in  all  ages  ;  for  she  has  ever  enjoined  the  advantage  of 
infusing  her  doctrines  into  her  children  with  the  mother's 
milk. 

"  Three  courses  only  appear  to  me  to  be  open  to  us. 
First,  we  may  try  to  work  upon  the  mother's  feelings, 
and,  on  behalf  of  her  child,  induce  her  to  avail  herself 
of  the  inestimable  privileges  of  the  Church  in  which 
he  is  fostered.  Secondly,  should  she  repel  us,  —  and 
these  lower-class  heretics  are  even  brutally  refractory, 
—  we  might  at  least  allure  her  to  allow  us  to  make  with 
holy  water  the  sign  of  the  cross  upon  the  natural  reser 
voirs  of  infant  nourishment  each  time  before  she  ap 
proaches  the  infant.  This,  besides  overcoming  the 
immediate  difficulty,  and  securing  for  the  child  a  supply 
of  sanctified  food,  might  open  the  way  for  the  entrance 
into  her  own  bosom  of  the  milk  of  the  Word.  Thirdly, 
should  she  reject  these  proposals,  I  see  nothing  for  it 
but  to  forbid  her  to  have  access  to  her  infant,  and,  com 
mending  him  to  the  care  of  the  Holy  Mother,  to  feed 
him  with  pap  or  other  suitable  nourishment  previously 
consecrated  by  me  in  its  crude  state,  and  prepared  by 
the  most  holy  hands  of  your  community.  Thus  we  may 
hope  to  shield  the  young  soul  in  its  present  freshness 
from  contact  with  carnal  elements. 

"  Your  loving  father  in,  &c., 

"  CERTIFICATUS." 


38 


On  receiving  this  letter,  the  superioress  conferred  not 
with  flesh  and  blood,  but  sent  for  Mrs.  Ginx.  That 
worthy  woman  was  not  enchanted  with  her  child's 
position.  I  have  hinted  that  her  faith  was  simple  ;  but, 
in  proportion  to  its  simplicity,  it  was  strongly  rooted 
in  her  nature.  'Tis  not  infrequent  to  find  it  so. 
Lengthy  creeds,  and  confessions  of  faith,  are  apt  to  ex 
tend  the  strength  and  fervor  of  belief  over  too  wide  a 
surface :  in  the  close  frame  of  some  single  article  will 
be  concentrated  the  whole  energy  of  the  soul.  The 
first  formula,  "  Repent,  and  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,"  was  maintained  with  a  heat  that  became  less 
intense,  though  more  distributed,  in  the  insertion  of  an 
Athanasian  Creed.  Mrs.  Ginx's  creed  was  succinct. 

MRS.  GINX'S  PRIMARY  CREED. 

I  believe   in    God,   giver   of  bread,  meat,   money,   and 
health. 

This  she  maintained  with  indifferent  ritual  and  devo 
tional  observances.  But  there  was  to  Mrs.  Ginx's  faith 
a  corollary  or  secondary  creed,  only  needed  to  meet 
special  emergencies. 

MRS.  GINX'S  SECONDARY  CREED. 

1.  I  believe  in  the  Church  of  England. 

2.  I  believe  in  heaven  and  hell. 

3.  (A  negative  article)  I  hate  Popery,  priests,  and 

the  Devil. 

When  her  husband  made  his  fatal  gift  to  the  nun, 


MILK    OF    HUMAN   KINDNESS,    ETC.  39 

this  third  article  of  his  wife's  belief,  or  unbelief,  stirred 
up,  and  waxed  aggressive. 

Said  the  lady-superior,  "My  good  woman,  your 
child  thrives  under  the  care  of  Holy  Mother  Church." 

"  Yes'm,  he  thrives  well,"  replies  Mrs.  Ginx,  repeat 
ing  no  more  of  Sister  Suspiciosa's  sentence  ;  "  an'  I've 
'ad  more  milk  than  ever  for  the  darlin'  this  time,  thank 
God!" 

"  And  the  Holy  Virgin." 

"  I  dunno  about  her,"  cries  Mrs.  Ginx  emphatically, 
perhaps  not  seeing  congruity  between  a  virgin  and  the 
subject  of  thankfulness. 

"  And  the  Holy  Virgin,"  repeated  the  nun,  "  who  in 
terests  herself  in  all  mothers.  She  has  thus  blessed  you, 
that  your  child  may  be  made  strong  for  the  work  of  the 
Church.  Do  you  not  see  a  miracle  is  worked  within  you 
to  prove  her  goodness  ?  This,  no  doubt,  is  an  evidence 
to  you  of  her  wish  to  bless  you,  and  take  you  for  her 
own.  I  beseech  you,  listen  to  her  voice,  and  come  and 
enter  her  fold." 

"  If  you  mean  the  Virgin  Mary,  mum,  I  ain't  a  idola 
ter,  beggin'  yer  parding,"  says  Mrs.  Ginx.  "  An'  tho'  I 
wouldn't  for  the  world  offend  them  as  has  been  so  kind 
to  my  child,  an'  saved  it  from  that  deer  little  creetur 
bein'  thrown  over  Wauxhall  Bridge,  —  an'  Ginx  ought 
to  be  ashamed  of  hisself,  so  he  ought,  —  I  ain't  Papish, 
mum  ;  and  I  ain't  dispoged,  with  twelve  on  'em  there  at 
home,  all  Protestant  to  the  back-bone,  to  turn  Papish 
now  :  an'  so  I  'ope  an'  pray,  mum,"  says  Mrs.  Ginx,  roar 
ing  and  crying,  "  you  ain't  agoin'  to  make  Papish  of  my 
flesh  an'  blood.  Oh,  dear  !  oh,  dear  1  " 

The  lady-superior  shut  her  ears :  she  had  raised  a 
familiar  spirit,  and  could  not  lay  it.  She  temporized. 


40  GINX'S    BABY. 

"  You  know  your  husband  has  given  the  child  to  us. 
It  will  be  called  the  infant  Ambrosius." 

"  Dear,  dear  !  "  sighed  Mrs.  Ginx :  "  wliat  a  name  !  " 

"  We  wish  him  to  be  kept  from  any  worldly  taint ; 
and  by  and  by  his  saintliness  may  gain  you  forgiveness 
in  spite  of  your  heretical  perversity.  I  cannot  permit 
you  to  gi'^e  him  unconsecrated  milk ;  and,  as  we  wish  to 
treat  you  kindly,  the  holy  Father  Certificatus  has  al 
lowed  me  to  make  an  arrangement  with  you,  to  which 
you  can  have  no  objection,  —  I  mean,  that  you  should  let 
me  make  the  sign  of  the  cross  upon  your  breasts,  morn 
ing  and  evening,  before  you  suckle  your  infant.  You 
will  permit  me  to  do  that,  won't  you  ?  " 

Conceive  of  Mrs.  Ginx's  reply,  clothed  in  choice  West 
minster  English!  It  asserted  her  readiness  to  cut'off  her 
right  hand,  her  feet,  to  be  hanged,  drowned,  burned, 
torn  to  pieces,  in  fact  to  withstand  all  the  torments  as 
cribed  by  vulgar  tradition  to  Roman-Catholic  ingenuity, 
and  to  see  her  baby  "  a  dead  corpse  "  into  the  bargain, 
before  she  would  submit  her  Protestant  bosom  to  such 
an  indignity. 

"  No,  mum  !  "  she  said  :  "  I  couldn't  sleep  with  that  on 
my  breast ;  "  and  crieci  hysterically. 

This  lower-class  heretic  was  "  brutally  refractory." 
So  thought  the  superioress,  and  so  gave  Mrs.  Ginx  no 
tice  to  come  no  more.  She  went  home  rather  jubilant : 
she  was  a  martyr. 


DETECTORAL   ASSOCIATION".  41 


n.  —  THE  PROTESTANT  DETECTORAL  ASSOCIATION. 

GINX'S  BABY  was  now  fed  on  consecrated  pap.  But 
his  mother  was  not  a  woman  to  be  silent  under  her 
wrongs.  From  her  husband  she  hid  them,  because  the 
subject  was  forbidden.  She  poured  out  her  complaint 
to  Mrs.  Spittal  and  other  Protestant  matrons.  Thus  it 
came  to  pass,  that  one  day,  in  Ginx's  absence,  the  good 
woman  was  surprised  by  a  visit  from  a  "  gentleman." 
He  was  small,  sharp,  rapid,  dressed  in  black.  lie  opened 
his  business  at  once. 

"  Mrs.  Ginx  ?  Ah  !  I  am  the  agent  of  the  Protestant 
Detectoral  Association." 

Mrs.  Ginx  wiped  her  best  chair,  and  set  it  for  him. 

"  By  great  good  fortune,  the  secretary  received  only 
half  an  hour  ago  intelligence  of  the  shocking  instance 
of  Papal  aggression  of  which  you  have  been  the  vic 
tim." 

To  hear  her  case  put  so  grandly  was  honey  to  Mrs. 
Ginx. 

"  Well,  now,"  continued  the  little  man,  "  we  are 
ready  to  render  you  every  assistance  to  save  your  child 
from  the  claws  of  the  Great  Dragon.  I  wish  to  know 
the  exact  circumstances.  Let  me  see  (opening  a  large 
pocket-book),  I  have  this  memorandum :  The  child  ivas 
carried  off  from  his  mother's  bedside  in  broad  daylight  by 
a  nun,  accompanied  by  two  priests  and  a  large  body  of 
Irish :  is  that  a  correct  version  ?  " 

"  Law,  no,  sir !  it  warn't  quite  like  that,"  said  Mrs. 
Ginx.  "  We've  'ad  so  many  on  'em,  that  Ginx  was  for 
drownin'  the  thirteenth,"  —  the  little  man  opened  his 
eyes,  — 


42  GLtfX'S    BABY. 


"  An'  lie  went  and  gave  it  away,  sir,"  said  she,  crying, 
"  to  a  nun,  sir,  —  ah,  ah,  ah  !  They  won't  let  me  see 
the  darlin'  now,  sir,  —  ah,  ah,  ah  !  because  I  won't  let 
Missis  Spi  shy  osir  mark  me  with  the  cross,  sir;  an'  me 
with  as  fine  a  breast  o'  milk  as  ever  was  for  'im,  sir,  — 
ah,  ah,  ah  !  " 

"  Hem  !  "  said  the  little  man  :  "  that's  different  from 
what  I  understood." 

He  was  quite  honest  ;  but  who  does  not  know  how 
disappointing  it  is  to  find  a  wrong  you  wish  to  redress  is 
not  so  bad  as  you  had  hoped  ? 

However,  it  looked  bad  enough,  and  might  be  made 
worse.  It  was  the  very  case  for  the  Protestant  Detecto- 
ral  Association. 

"  Would  Mr.  Ginx  not  join  in  an  effort  to  recover  his 
child?" 

"  No,  sir  :  I  should  think  not.  He  went  an'  gave  it 
away." 

"  I  know  ;  but  he  is  a  Protestant  ?  " 

"  I  don't  think  he  be  much  o'  any  thing,  sir.  I  know 
he  hate  priests  like  pison  ;  but  he  don't  care  about  these 
things  as  I  do." 

"  Oh  !  I  see."  Writes  in  his  memorandum-book,  — 
Husband  indifferent. 

"But  don't  you  think  he  would  help  you  to  get  the 
child  back  again  ?  " 

"  No,  sir  !  I  wouldn't  speak  of  it  to  him  for  the  world. 
He'd  knock  any  one  down  if  they  was  to  mention  the 
child  to  him." 

The  little  man  mentally  determined  not  to  see  Ginx. 

"  Well  :  would  you  like  to  have  your  child  back  ?  " 

"  You  see,  I  couldn't  bring  it  'ere,  sir.     Ginx  won't 


THE    SACRAMEXT    OF    BAPTISM.  43 

'ave  it ;  but  I'd  like  to  see  it  took  away  from  them  nun-1 
neries." 

"  Ha !  very  well,  then.  We  can  perhaps  manage  it 
for  you.  You  would  be  content  to  hand  it  over  to  some 
Protestant  Home,  where  it  would  be  taken  care  of,  and 
you  could  see  it  when  you  liked  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  sir  !  "  cries  Mrs.  Ginx,  brightening. 

"  Then  we'll  have  an  affidavit,  and  apply  for  a  habeas 
corpus." 

It  was  impossible  not  to  be  satisfied  with  such  words 
as  these,  whatever  they  meant ;  and  Mrs.  Ginx  was 
cheered,  while  the  little  man  went  on  his  way. 


HI.— THE  SACRAMENT  OF  BAPTISM. 

MOTHER,  or  "MRS."  SUSPICIOSA,  fed  Ginx's  Baby 
with  holy  pap.  It  seemed  proper,  now,  that  he  should 
oe  christened,  and  formally  received  into  the  Church. 
No  small  stir  was  made  by  this  ceremony,  for  which  all 
the  resources  of  the  convent  were  called  into  action. 
The  day  selected  was  that  sacred  to  St.  Ambrosius.  The 
chapel  was  decorated  with  flowers ;  mass  was  celebrated  ; 
candles  flamed  upon  the  altar  surrounding  a  figure  of 
the  infant  Jesus ;  incense  was  burning  around  the  baby ; 
sisters  and  novices  knelt  in  serried  rows  of  virginity 

"  Like  doves 
Sunning  their  milky  bosoms  on  the  thatch." 

Mother  Suspiciosa  carried  the  infant  clothed  in  a  pure 
white  robe  with  a  red  cross  embroidered  on  its  front. 


44  GINX'S    BABY. 

In  the  absence  of  the  natural  parent,  a  wax  figure  of 
St.  Ambrosias  did  duty  for  him,  and  another  wax  figure 
stood  godfather.  But  I  dare  not  enter  into  details  of 
matters  that  may  be  looked  at  as  awfully  profane  or 
awfully  solemn  by  different  spectators.  These  things 
are  a  mystery. 

I  have  no  hesitation  about  describing  the  impious  be 
havior  of  little  Ginx.  Whatever  swaddled  infant  could 
do  in  the  way  of  opposition,  with  hands  and  legs  and 
voice,  was  done  by  that  embryo  saint.  The  incense 
made  him  cough  and  sputter :  the  lights  and  singing 
raised  the  very  devil  within  him.  His  cries  drowned 
the  prayers.  He  frightened  his  conductress  by  the  red 
ness  of  his  face.  He  ruined  the  red  cross  with  ejected 
matter.  You  would  have  taken  him  for  an  infant  de 
moniac.  Mother  Suspiciosa,  though  annoyed,  was  en 
couraged.  She  looked  upon  this  as  an  evident  testimony 
to  little  Ginx's  value.  The  Devil  and  St.  Michael  were 
contending  for  his  body.  At  length  he  was  baptized, 
and  carried  out.  Credat  Judceus.  He  instantly  sank 
into  a  deep  sleep.  It  was  a  miracle  :  Satan  had  yielded 
to  the  sign  of  the  cross ! 


IV.— LAW  ON  BEHALF  OF  GOSPEL. 

IN  the  moment  of  Sister  Suspiciosa's  triumph,  the 
enemy  was  laying  his  train  against  her.  The  little  man 
made  his  report  to  the  secretary  of  the  Protestant  De- 
tectoral  Association.  This  gentleman  was  well  born  and 
well  bred ;  moved  to  work  in  this  "  cause "  by  an  honest 
hatred  of  superstition,  pi^estcraft,  and  lies  ;  now  giving 


LAW   ON   BEHALF    OP    GOSPEL.  45 

all  his  energies  to  the  ambitious  design  of  pulling  down 
the  strongholds  of  Satan.  In  any  other  matter,  he  could 
act  coolly  and  with  deliberation :  in  this  he  was  an  en 
thusiast.  He  had  a  keen  Roman  nose.  He  could  scent 
a  priest  anywhere  in  the  United  Kingdom.  He  could 
smell  Jesuitry  in  the  queen's  drawing-room,  a  cabinet 
council  or  convocation,  though  he  had  never  been  at 
either. 4  His  eye  was  beyond  a  falcon's :  he  saw  things 
that  were  invisible.  It  penetrated  through  all  disguises. 
He  knew  a  secret  emissary  of  the  pope  by  the  cock  of 
his  hat  or  the  color  of  his  stockings ;  at  least,  he 
thought  so  :  and  thousands  of  persons  acted  on  his  esti 
mate  of  himself. 

"  This  case,"  said  he  to  the  little  man  when  he  had 
concluded  his  report,  "  though  not  in  its  first  incidents 
so  grave  as  we  were  led  to  expect,  is,  in  another  point 
of  view,  very  serious.  Here  is  a  man,  as  you  have  ex 
pressed  it,  t  indifferent '  to  his  child's  life,  animal  and 
spiritual.  The  mother,  with  a  true  Protestant  heart 
and  a  fine  breast  of  milk,  is  longing  to  nurture  her  child, 
and  to  deliver  it  from  the  toils  of  the  Papacy.  But  the 
husband,  what's  his  name  ?  .  .  .  Ginx,  Ginx  ?  a  very 
bad  name  for  a  case,  by  the  way,  —  Ginx's  Case  !  —  this 
Ginx  has  given  up  his  child  to  the  Sisters  of  Misery. 
How  are  we  to  get  it  away  again  without  his  co-opera 
tion  ?  .  .  .  Well,  we  must  try." 

The  solicitor  of  the  association  was  forthwith  sum 
moned.  Whan,  the  matter  had  been  laid  before  him,  he 
expressed  doubts,  offered  and  withdrew  courses  of  action, 
and  ended  by  suggesting  that  he  should  take  the  opinion 
of  counsel.  . 

"Mr.  Stigma,  I  suppose  ?  "  said  he  to  the  secretary. 


46  GINX'S    BABY. 

"  Oil,  yes  !  Sir  Adolphus  Stigma  is  one  of  our  principal 
supporters ;  and  his  son's  heart  is  thoroughly  with  us." 

Messrs.  Roundhead,  Roundhead  and  Lollard,  drew  up 
a  case  to  be  submitted  to  Mr.  Stigma.  I  will  only  tran 
scribe  the  latter  paragraphs  :  — 

"Mr.  Ginx  being  indifferent,  and  Mrs.  Ginx  being 
ready  to  assist  in  regaining  the  custody  of  her  child,  to  be 
conveyed  to  a  Protestant  Plome,  — - 

"  You  ARE  REQUESTED  TO  ADVISE,  — 

"1.  Whether  a  summons  should  be  taken  out  before  a 
magistrate  against  the  lady-superior  of  the  convent 
for  enticing  away  or  detaining  the  infant  under 
the  56th  sect,  of  24  and  25  Viet.,  c.  100 ;  or,  — 

"  2.  Whether  the  proper  remedy  is  by  a  writ  of  habeas 
corpus?  and,  if  so,  whether  it  is  necessary  that  the 
father  should  be  joined  in  the  proceedings,  or  his 
leave  obtained  to  prosecute  them ;  or,  failing  these,  — 

"  3.  Whether  counsel  is  of  opinion  that  this  is  a  case 
within  Talfourd'sAct,  and  an  application  might  not 
be  made  to  the  Lord  Chancellor,  or  the  Master  of 
the  Rolls,  on  the  mother's  behalf,  for  the  custody  of 
her  child  ;  and,  — 

"  4.  To  advise  generally  on  behalf  of  the  infant." 

Mr.  Adolph.is  Stigma  took  ten  days  to  consider. 
Meanwhile,  the  infant  Ambrosius  continued  to  thrive  on 
conventual  pap.  Then  Mr.  Stigma  wrote  his  opinion. 
It  was  a  model  for  a  barrister.  You  took  the  advice  at 
your  own  peril,  not  his  :  therefore  I  transcribe  it. 


LAW  ON  BEHALF  OF  GOSPEL.  47 

"  OPINION. 

"  I  have  given  to  this  case  my  most  careful  attention ; 
and  it  is  one  of  great  difficulty.  Having  regard  to  the 
questions  put  to  me,  I  think,  — 

"  1.  Section  56  of  the  Act  of  24  and  25  Viet.,  c.  100, 
appears  at  first  sight  to  be  directed  against  the  stealing 
and  abduction  of  children  for  marriage,  or  other  improper 
purposes.  It  provides,  that  i  whosoever  shall  unlawfully, 
either  by  force  or  fraud,  lead  or  take  away  or  decoy  or 
entice  away  or  detain  any  child,  &c.,  with  intent  to 
deprive  any  parent,  &c.,  of  the  possession  of  such  child,' 
shall  be  guilty  of  felony.  It  is  perfectly  clear,  that, 
in  the  case  before  me,  the  infant  was  not,  '  by  force  or 
fraud,  led  or  taken  away  or  decoyed  or  enticed  away/ 
The  statute,  however,  uses  the  word  '  detain ; '  and  this, 
it  appears  to  me,  has  much  the  same  force  and  intention 
as  the  previous  words.  It  is  to  be  noted,  however,  that 
it  is  separated  from  them  by  the  disjunctive  '  or ; '  and 
therefore  it  might  be  argued,  with  some  plausibility,  that 
any  act  of  forceful  or  fraudulent  detention,  after  notice, 
by  persons  who  have  originally  acquired  a  child's  custody 
in  a  lawful  way,  came  within  the  section.  The  point  is 
new,  and  of  great  importance ;  and,  if  the  Protestant 
Detectoral  Association  feel  disposed  to  try  it,  they 
would  do  so  under  favorable  circumstances  in  the  present 
case.  Should  they  decide  to  do  so,  a  written  demand 
should  be  served  upon  the  authorities  of  the  convent  by 
the  mother,  or  some  one  acting  on  her  behalf,  to  give  up 
the  infant. 

"  2.  The  second  question  is  also  involved  in  difficulty. 
Were  the  father  to  be  joined  in  the  proceedings,  the 
writ  of  habeas  corpus  would  be  the  correct  remedy. 


48  GTXX'S    BABY. 

But  his  probable  refusal  necessitates  the  inquiry,  whether 
the  mother  can  alone  apply  for  the  writ.  The  general 
rule  of  law  is,  that  the  father  is  entitled  to  the  custody 
and  disposition  of  his  children.  In  Cartlidge  and  Cart- 
lidfje,  31  L.  J.,  P.  M.  &  D.  85,  it  was  held  that  this  rule 
would  not  be  generally  departed  from  by  the  Divorce 
Court ;  but  in  Barnes  v.  Barnes,  L.  R.  1,  P.  &  D.  4G3, 
the  Court  made  an  order,  giving  the  custody  of  two 
infant  children  to  the  mother,  respondent  in  a  suit  for  a 
dissolution  of  marriage,  on  the  ground  that  the  mother's 
health  was  suffering  from  being  deprived  of  their  socie 
ty,  and  that  they  were  living  with  a  stranger,  and  not 
•with  the  father.  These  cases  were,  however,  in  the 
Divorce  Court,  and  do  not  apply.  But  as  there  seems 
to  be  much  ground  in  the  peculiar  circumstances  here 
for  arguing  that  the  mother  should  have  the  custody  of 
the  child,  or,  at  least,  that  it  should  not  be  left  to  that 
of  persons  of  a  different  religion  from  both  parents,  an 
application  might  be  made  to  the  Queen's  Bench  to  try 
the  question. 

"  3.  Should  the  common-law  remedies  fail,  resort  may 
perhaps  be  had  to  the  powers  in  Chancery  under  Tal- 
fourd's  Act ;  but  on  this  point  I  should  like  to  confer  with 
an  equity  counsel  before  giving  a  decided  opinion*  It 
has  been  decided  under  this  act  that  the  Court  has 
power  to  give  the  custody  of  children  under  seven  to 
the  mother  (Shillito  v.  Collett,  8,  W.  R.  683-696).  As 
this  infant  is  but  six  weeks  old,  it  comes  within  that 
case. 

"  4.  I  have  no  general  advice  to  give  on  behalf  of  the 
infant. 

"  ADOLPHUS  STIGMA, 

"  9  Plumtree  Court." 


MAGISTRATE'S  LAW.  49 

If  none  of  the  courses  suggested  by  Mr.  Stigma  was 
very  decided,  Messrs.  Roundhead,  Roundhead  and  Lol 
lard,  were  not  sorry  to  have  three  strings  to  their  bow. 
The  Detectoral  Association  were  good  clients :  most  of 
their  funds  went  into  their  lawyers'  pockets.  It  was  part 
of  their  policy  to  be  litigious  :  thereby  the  world  was 
kept  alive  to  the  existence  of  Papacy  within  its  bosom. 
Who  shall  say  the  association  were  wrong  V  Some 
healthy  daylight  was  occasionally  let  in  upon  the  mys 
teries  of  Jesuitism ;  and  there  are  people  who  think  that 
worth  while  at  the  risk  of  a  chance  injustice.  Though 
the  Devil  should  not  get  his  due,  few  would  give  him 
any  sympathy. 

The  solicitor  at  once  instructed  Mr.  Dignam  Bailey, 
Q.C.,  to  apply  with  Mr.  Stigma  to  a  magistrate  for  a 
summons.  Mr./  Bailey,  Q.C.,  was  not  chosen  for  his 
partialities.  In  religious  matters  he  was  a  perfect  Gallio : 
but  he  was  like  St.  Paul  in  one  particular,  —  he  could  be 
all  things  to  all  men. 


V.  —  MAGISTRATE'S  LAW. 

THE  personnel  of  the  magistrate  to  whom  Mr.  Dig 
nam  Bailey,  Q.  C.  (with  him  Mr.  Adolphus  Stigma), 
applied  in  the  case  of  re  an  infant,  ex  parte  Ginx,  is  not 
material  to  this  history.  He  was  like  his  fellow  stipen 
diaries,  —  mild  as  to  humor,  vigilant  in  his  duties,  opin 
ionated  in  his  views,  resenting  the  troublesome  intrusion 
into  his  court  of  a  barrister,  apt  to  treat  him  with  about 
one-eighth  of  the  courtesy  extended  to  the  humblest 
junior  by  the  Queen's  Bench,  and  curiously  unequal 
4 


50  GINX'S    BABY. 


both  with  himself  and  his  brother-magistrates  in  adjust 
ing  punishment.  It  will  be  most  convenient  to  insert 
the  report  of  "  The  Daily  Electric  Meteor  :  "  — 

"WESTMINSTER. 

"Mr.  Dignam  Bailey,  Q.  C.  (with  whom  was  Mr. 
Adolphus  Stigma),  applied  for  a  summons  against  Mary 
Dens,  commonly  called  Sister  Suspiciosa,  of  the  convent 
of  the  Sisters  of  Misery,  in  Winkle  Street,  for  abducting 
and  detaining  a  male  child  of  John  Ginx,  and  Mary 
his  wife. 

"  MR.  D'ACERBITY.  —  On  whose  behalf  do  you  ap 
ply? 

"  The  learned  counsel  stated  that  he  was  instructed 
by  the  Protestant  Detectoral  Association  to  apply  on 
behalf  of  the  mother.  The  case  was  also  watched  by 
the  solicitors  of  the  Society  for  preventing  the  Suppres 
sion  of  Women  and  Children. 

"MR.  D'ACERBITY.  —  Does  the  father  join  in  the 
application  ? 

"  MR.  BAILEY.  —  No,  sir. 

"  MR.  D'ACERBITY.  —  Why  ?  He  ought  to  be  joined, 
if  living. 

"MR.  BAILEY.  —  Perhaps  you  will  allow  me,  sir,  to 
state  the  case.  The  circumstances  are  peculiar.  The 
fact  is  — 

"  MR.  D'ACERBITY.  —  I  cannot  understand  why  the 
father  should  not  be  represented  if  the  child  has  been 
abducted.  Where  was  it  taken  from  ? 

"Mr.  Bailey  proceeded  to  state  that  the  child  had 
been  taken  by  a  nun  from  No.  5,  Kosemary  Street, 
without  the  mother's  consent,  and  was  now  imprisoned 


MAGISTRATE'S  LAW.  51 

in  the  convent.  The  father  appeared  to  be  indifferent, 
or  to  have  given  a  sort  of  general  acquiescence.  This 
was  Mrs.  Ginx's  thirteenth  child,  around  whom  gathered 
the  concentrated  affections  — 

"  MR.  D' ACERBITY  (interrupting  the  learned  gentle 
man).  We  have  no  time  for  sentiment  here,  Mr.  Bai 
ley.  If  the  father  consented,  can  you  call  it  abduction  ? 
It  looks  like  reduction.  (Laughter.) 

"Mr.  Bailey  called  attention  to  the  consolidated 
statutes  of  criminal  law,  and  said  he  was  going  for  ille 
gal  detention  rather  than  abduction,  and  argued  at  great 
length  from -section  fifty-six.  At  the  conclusion  of  the 
argument,  after  refusing  to  hear  Mr.  Stigma, 

"  Mr.  D' Acerbity  said  that  the  case  clearly  did  not 
come  within  the  section,  and  he  was  afraid  the  learned 
counsel  knew  it.  The  father  had  been  a  consenting 
party,  on  the  counsel's  own  statement,  to  the  child's  re 
moval  ;  and  no  suggestion  had  been  made  that  he  had 
withdrawn  his  consent.  He  should  refuse  a  summons. 

"Mr.  Bailey  endeavored  to  address  the  magistrate, 
but  was  stopped. 

"MR.  D'ACERBITY.  —  I  have  no  more  to  say.  You 
can  apply  to  the  Queen's  Bench.  I  have  no  sympathy 
with  you  whatever." 

Mr.  D' Acerbity's  law  was  good ;  but  what  has  justice 
to  do  with  "  sympathies  "  ?  Surely,  the  day  after  this 
report  appeared,  the  magistrate  must  have  had  a  letter 
from  the  Home  Secretary. 


52  GINX'S    BABY. 


VI.  —  POPERY  AND  PROTESTANTISM  IN  THE  QUEEN'S  BENCH. 

THE  application  to  the  magistrate  was  far  from  satis 
factory.  There  had  not  even  been  an  exposure;  and 
"  The  Windmill  Bulletin  "  gayly  bantered  the  Detectoral 
Association.  Meanwhile  had  happened  the  grand  chris 
tening,  of  which  a  circumstantial  account  was  in  the 
hands  of  the  council  of  the  Detectoral  Association 
shortly  after  the  ceremony  had  been  performed.  Here 
was  a  monstrous  indignity  to  a  Protestant  child.  The 
account  was  at  once  printed,  together  with  a  verbatim 
report  of  the  application  to  the  magistrate,  as  well  as  one 
of  a  "  conversation  held  with  the  mother  by  an  agent  of 
the  association."  Board-men  paraded  the  great  thor 
oughfares,  carrying  this  appeal  :  — 


PROTESTANT    DETECTORAL    ASSOCIATION. 


NO   POPERY! 

Abduction    of    an    Infant! 
Assault  on  the  Liberty  of  the  Subject ! 

Mysterious  and  Awful  Proceedings! 
Baptism  of  a  Protestant  Child  in  a  Convent! 

OUTRAGE 
Upon  the  Nation  by  Foreign  Mercenaries! 


Every  Father  and  Mother  is  invited  to  co-operate  in 

Maintaining  the 
PROTESTANT  RELIGION, 
The  Sanctity  of  Home,  and  the  Inviolability  of 
BRITISH  FREEDOM! 


NO    SURRENDER! 


POPERY   AND    PROTESTANTISM.  53 

If  there  was  no  coherency  in  this  production,  it  should 
be  noted  how  little  that  is  of  the  essence  of  popular  ap 
peal.  The  metropolis  was  in  an  uproar.  Meetings  were 
held ;  subscriptions  poured  in ;  .  dangerous  crowds  col 
lected  in  Winkle  Street.  When  Mr.  Dignam  Bailey, 
Q.C.,  went  down  to  Westminster  to  move  the  Court  of 
Queen's  Bench,  multitudes  besieged  it.  Protestant  cham 
pions  and  Papal  ecclesiastics  vied  in  their  efforts  to  get 
seats.  The  writ  had  gone  from  judge's  chambers,  re 
turnable  to  the  full  court.  Sister  Suspiciosa,  bearing 
the  infant  Ambrosius,  and  supported  by  two  novices 
and  Father  Certificates,  had  been  smuggled  into  court 
through  mysterious  passages  in  its  rear.  Mrs.  Ginx  also, 
brought  from  Rosemary  Street  by  the  little  man,  who 
provided  her  with  a  bonnet  trimmed  with  orange-colored 
ribbons,  sat  staring  with  red  eyes  at  her  child,  now  envel 
oped  in  a  robe  that  was  embroidered  with  little  crosses. 

Why  need  I  tell  you  how  dead  silence  fell  upon  the 
court  after  the  stir  caused  by  the  entrance  of  the  judges ; 
how  everybody  knew  what  was  coming  when  a  master 
beneath  the  bench  rose,  and  called  out,  "Re  Ginx,  an 
infant,  ex  parie  Mary  Giiix ! "  how  the  chief  justice, 
fresh  and  rosy-looking,  then  blew  his  nose  in  a  delicate 
mauve-colored  silk  handkerchief;  how  he  tried  and  dis 
carded  half  a  dozen  pens  amid  breathless  silence  ;  how, 
in  his  blandest  manner,  he  said,  "  Who  appears  for  the 
respondent  ?  "  and  Mr.  Dignam  Bailey,  Q.  C.,  and  Mr. 
Octavius  Ernestus,  Q.  C.,  rose  together  to  say  that  Mr. 
Ernestus  did  ? 

Mr.  Ernestus  was  a  Catholic.  He  was  assisted  by 
half  a  dozen  counsel.  He  riddled  the  affidavits  on  the 
other  side,  and  read  voluminous  ones  on  his  own ;  bitterly 


54  GTNX'S    BABY. 

animadverted  upon  the  absence  of  an  affidavit  by  the 
father ;  held  up  to  the  scorn  of  a  civilized  world  the 
course  pursued  towards  his  meek  and  gentle  clients  by 
the  "  fanatical  zealots  of  the  Protestant  Detectoral  Asso 
ciation  ; "  in  moving  tones  referred  to  the  shrinking  of 
"  quiet  recluses  from  the  gaze  of  a  rude,  unsympathizing 
world;"  cited  cases  from  the  time  of  Magna  Charta 
down ;  called  upon  the  Court  to  vindicate  Protestant 
justice ;  ending  his  peroration  with  the  aphorism  of 
Lord  Mansfield,  Fiat  justitia,  mat  ccelum  ! 

One  cannot  do  justice  to  Mr.  Dignam  Bailey's  argu 
ment,  when,  after  lunch,  he  rose  to  reply.  He  was 
logical  and  passionate,  vindictive  and  pathetic,  by  turns. 
He  inveighed  against  the  lady-superior,  against  her 
attorneys,  against  Father  Certificatus,  against  Ginx,  — 
"  craven  to  his  heaven-born  rights  of 'political  and  reli 
gious  freedom,"  —  against  the  Roman-Catholic  religion, 
the  Pope,  the  Archbishop  of  Westminster,  the  Virgin 
Mary.  The  Court  knew,  and  every  one  else  knew,  that 
this  was  pure  pyrotechny ;  and  Mr.  Bailey  knew  that 
best  of  all :  but  though  the  Bench  is  swift  to  speak, 
slow  to  hear,  it  felt  obliged,  in  a  case  of  this  public  inter 
est,  to  sit  by  and  be  witnesses  of  the  exhibition.  Mr. 
Bailey  concluded  by  a  play  on  the  aphorism  cited  by  his 
learned  friend.  He  would  say,  that,  if  such  justice  were 
to  be  done  as  his  friend  had  urged,  the  kingdom  of 
heaven  in  England  would  rush  to  its  fall." 

The  Court  at  once  decided,  that  as  the  father  had  con 
fided  the  custody  of  the  infant  to  the  Sisters  of  Misery, 
and  did  not  appear  to  desire  that  it  should  be  withdrawn, 
they,  disregarding  the  religious  clouds  in  which  the  sub 
ject  had  been  too  carefully  involved  on  both  sides,  gave 
judgment  for  the  defendant,  with  costs. 


PROTESTER,  BUT  NOT  PROTESTANT.     55 

As  they  passed  out  of  court,  Mr.  Stigma  said  to  his 
clients,  "  Quite  as  I  anticipated :  you  remember  I  told 
you  so  in  my  opinion.'' 


Vn.  —  A  PROTESTER,  BUT  NOT  A  PROTESTANT. 

THE  infant  Ambrosius  and  his  conductors  could  scarce 
ly  reach  the  convent  in  safety.  The  building  showed 
few  windows  to  the  street ;  but  they  were  all  broken. 
What  might  have  happened  in  a  few  days,  but  that 
Ginx's  Baby  took  the  matter  into  his  own  hands,  none 
can  say. 

The  treatment  to  which  the  little  saint  was  subjected 
soured  his  temper.  His  kind  nurses  had  choked  him 
twice  a  day  with  incense ;  and  now  he  had  inhaled  for 
seven  hours  the  air  of  the  Queen's  Bench.  On  his  re 
turn  to  the  convent,  he  was  hastily  fed,  and  carried  to 
the  chapel  to  give  thanks  for  the  victory  of  the  day. 
Wrapped  in  a  handsome  chasuble,  they  laid  him  on  the 
steps  of  the  altar.  In  the  most  solemn  part  of  the  ser 
vice,  he  coughed  and  grew  sick.  The  chasuble  was  be 
spattered.  When  the  officiating  priest,  to  save  that  gar 
ment,  took  the  child  in  his  arms,  he  nefariously  polluted 
the  sarcerdotal  vestments  and  the  altar-steps.  Then  he 
kicked  toward  the  altar  itself,  roared  lustily,  and  finally 
went  into  convulsions  in  Sister  Suspiciosa's  arms.  Like 
most  women,  the  lady-superior  required  her  enthusiasm 
to  be  fed  with  success.  She  began  to  think  that  she 
had  oeen  cozened  :  Ginx's  Baby  was  too  evidently  a 
spiritual  miscarriage.  He  must,  like  the  rest  of  his 
family,  be  indeed  "  Protestant  to  the  backbone."  Father 


56 


Certificatus  agreed  with  her.  His  robes  and  best  chasu 
ble  were  befouled. 

"  Let  us  not  risk  a  repetition  of  this  conduct,"  said  he. 
"  Let  the  child  be  given  up.  He  is  baptized,  and  cannot 
be  severed  from  the  Church.  He  will  return  after  many 
days." 

Next  morning,  the  solicitors  of  the  Protestant  Detec- 
toral  Association  received  a  letter  from  their  opponents. 
In  this  they  said,  that,  presuming  Messrs.  Roundhead, 
Roundhead  and  Lollard,  intended  to  apply  to  the  Mas 
ter  of  the  Rolls,  the  authorities  of  the  convent  had  de 
cided,  after  having  vindicated  themselves  in  the  Queen's 
Bench,  to  give  up  the  child,  which  would  be  for  twenty- 
four  hours  at  the  order  and  disposal  of  the  association, 
and  afterwards  of  his  parents.  "  We  are  instructed  by 
our  clients,"  they  addcd>  "  to  ask  you  to  bear  in  mind 
that  the  child  has  been  admitted  and  is  a  member  of 
the  Catholic  Church,  owing  allegiance  to  the  Holy 
Father  at  Rome,  —  a  bond  from  which  only  the  Papal 
excommunication  can  absolve  him." 


VIII.  — "SEE  HOW  THESE  CHRISTIANS  LOVE  ONE  ANOTHER!" 

A  MASS-MEETING  of  Protestants  had  been  summoned 
for  three  o'clock  on  the  day  designated  in  the  letter  of 
the  Papist  attorneys,  to  be  held  in  the  Philopragmon 
Hall.  That  was  the  favorite  centre  of  countless  move 
ments,  both  well  meant  and  well  executed,  and  of  others 
as  futile  as  they  were  foolish.  Yet  one  could  not  say 
that  a  larger  proportion  of  the  latter  were  connected 
with  the  hall  than  existed  in  as  many  other  human  en- 


LOVING    ONE    ANOTHER.  57 

terprises  of  any  sort.  The  concession  of  the  Romanists 
at  first  dashed  the  managers  of  the  demonstration. 
Their  grievance  was  gone.  Still  there  remained  topics 
for  a  meeting  :  they  would  rejoice  over  victory,  and  con 
sult  about  the  future  of  the  Protestant  baby. 

The  secretary  was  an  old  hand  at  these  meetings. 
lie  planned  to  import  into  this  one  a  sensation.  Ginx's 
Baby,  brought  from  the  convent,  stripped  of  his  Papal 
swathings,  and  enveloped  in  a  handsome  outfit  presented 
by  an  amiable  Protestant  duchess,  was  placed  in  a 
cradle,  with  his  head  resting  on  a  Bible.  I  am  afraid 
he  was  quite  as  uncomfortable  as  he  had  ever  been  at 
the  convent.  When  at  the  conclusion  of  the  chair 
man's  speech,  in  which  he  informed  the  audience  of 
their  triumph,  this  exhibition  was  deftly  introduced  upon 
the  platform,  the  huzzas  and  clappings,  and  waving  of 
handkerchiefs,  were  such  as  even  that  place  had  never 
seen.  The  child  was  astounded  into  quietness. 

Mr.  Trumpeter  took  the  chair,  believed  by  many  to 
be,  next  to  the  queen,  the  most  powerful  defender  of  the 
faith  in  the  three  kingdoms.  I  never  could  understand 
why  the  newspapers  reported  his  speeches  :  I  cannot. 

When  he  had  done,  Lord  Evergood,  "  a  popular, 
practical  peer,  of  sound  Protestant  principles,"  as  "  The 
Daily  Banner  "  alliteratively  termed  him  next  morning, 
rose  to  move  the  first  resolution,  already  cut  and  dried 
by  the  committee  :  — 

"  That  the  infant  so  happily  rescued  from  the  incubus 
of  a  delusive  superstition  should  be  remitted  to  the  care 
of  the  Church  Widows'  and  Orphans'  Augmentation  Soci 
ety,  and  should  be  supported  by  voluntary  contributions." 

Before  Lord  Evergood   could  say  a  word,   murmurs 


58  GINX'S    BABY. 


arose  in  every  part  of  the  hall.  He  was  a  mild,  gentle 
manly  Christian,  without  guile  ;  and  the  opposition  both 
surprised  and  frightened  him.  He  uttered  a  few  sen 
tences  in  approval  of  his  proposition,  and  sat  down. 

An  individual  in  the  gallery  shouted,  "  Sir,  I  rise  to 
move  an  amendment  !  " 

Cheers,  and  cries  of  "  Order,  order  !  —  sit  down  1  "  &c. 

The  chairman,  with  great  blandness,  said,  — 

"  The  gentleman  is  out  of  order  :  the  resolution  has 
not  yet  been  seconded.  I  call  upon  the  Rev.  Mr.  Valpy 
to  second  the  resolution." 

Mr.  Valpy,  incumbent  of  St.  Swithin's-  Within,  insisted 
on  speaking  ;  but  what  he  said  was  known  only  to  him 
self.  When  he  had  finished,  there  was  an  extraordinary 
commotion.  On  the  platform,  many  ministers  and  lay 
men  jumped  to  their  feet  ;  in  the  hall,  at  least  a  hundred 
aspirants  for  a  hearing  raised  themselves  on  benches  or 
the  convenient  backs  of  friends. 

The  chairman  shouted,  "  ORDER,  ORDER,  gentlemen  ! 
This  is  a  great  occasion  :  let  us  show  unanimity  !  " 

There  seemed  to  be  a  unanimous  desire  to  speak. 
Amid  cheers,  cries  for  order,  and  Kentish  fire,  you  could 
hear  the  Rev.  Mark  Slowboy,  Independent,  the  Rev. 
Hugh  Quickly,  Wesleyan,  the  Rev.  Bereciah  Calvin, 
Presbyterian,  the  Rev.  Ezekiel  Cutwater,  Baptist,  call 
ing  to  the  chair. 

A  lull  ensued,  of  which  advantage  was  taken  by  Mr. 
Stentor,  a  well-known  Hyde-park  orator,  who  bellowed 
from  a  friend's  shoulders  in  the  pit,  "  Mr.  Chairman,  hear 
me  I  "  an  appeal  that  was  followed  by  roars  of  laughter. 

What  was  the  matter  ?  Why,  the  proposal  to  hand 
over  the  baby  to  an  Anglican  refuge  stirred  up  the  blood 


LOVING    ONE    ANOTHER.  59 

of  every  Dissenter  present.  It  was  lifting  the  infant  out 
of  the  frying-pan,  and  dexterously  dropping  him  into  the 
fire.  But  the  chairman  was  accustomed  to  these  scenes. 
He  stayed  the  tumult  by  proposing  that  a  representative 
from  each  denomination  should  give  his  opinion  to  the 
audience.  "  Whom  would  they  have  first  ?  " 

The  loudest  cries  were  for  Mr.  Cutwater,  who  stood 
forth,  a  weak,  stooping,  half-halting  little  man,  with  a 
limp  necktie,  and  trousers  puffy  at  the  knees,  but  with 
honest  use  of  them,  let  me  say.  It  is  quite  credible,  that 
if  Dr.  Watts's  assertion  be  true,  that 

"  Satan  trembles  when  he  sees 
The  weakest  saint  upon  his  knees," 

that  arch-enemy  was  unusually  perturbed  when  Ezekiel 
Cutwater  was  upon  his.  On  these  he  had  borne  manly 
contests  with  evil.  Two  things,  yea,  three,  were 
rigid  in  Ezekiel's  creed ;  fire  would  never  have  burned 
them  out  of  him,  —  hatred  of  Popery,  contempt  of  Angli 
can  priestcraft  and  apostolic  succession,  and  adhesion 
to  the  dogma  of  adult  baptism  and  total  immersion. 
Whoso  should  not  join  with  him  in  these,  let  him  be 
Anathema  Maranatha. 

His  eyes  kindled  as  he  looked  at  the  seething  audi 
ence.  "  Sir,"  said  he,  "  I  beg  to  move  an  amendment  to 
the  motion  of  the  noble  lord."  (Cheers.)  "That  motion 
proposes  to  transfer  to  the  care  of  the  Established 
Church  this  tender  and  unconscious  infant  (bending 
over  Ginx's  Baby)  just  snatched  from  the  toils  of  a  kin 
dred  superstition."  (Oh,  oh !  hisses  and  cheers.)  "  I  with 
draw  the  expression :  I  did  not  mean  to  be  offensive." 
(Hear.)  "  This  is  a  grand  representative  meeting,  —  not 


60  GINX?S    BABY. 

9  * 

of  the  English  Church,  not  of  the  Baptist  Church,  not  of 
the  Wesleyan  Church,  but  of  Protestantism."  (Cheers 
and  Kentish  fire.)  "  In  such  an  assembly,  is  it  right  to 
propose  any  singular  disposition  of  a  representative 
infant  ?  This  is  now  the  adopted  child,  not  of  one,  but 
of  all  denominations."  (Cheers.)  "  Around  his  or  her  — 
I  am  not  sure  which  —  cherubic  head  circle  the  white- 
winged  angels  of  various  churches ;  and  on  her  or  him, 
whichever  it  may  be,"  — 

The  chairman  said  that  he  might  as  well  say  that  he 
had  authentic  information  that  it  was  him. 

"  Him,  then,  —  concentrate  the  sympathies  of  every 
Protestant  heart.  Let  us  not  despoil  the  occasion  of  its 
greatness  by  exhibiting  a  narrow  bigotry  in  one  direc 
tion.  Let  us  bring  into  this  infantile  focus  the  rays  of 
Catholic  unity."  (Loud  cheering  and  Kentish  fire.)  "  To 
me,  for  one,  it  would  be  eminently  painful  to  think,  — 
what  doubtless  would  occur  if  the  motion  is  adopted,  — 
that,  within  a  week  of  his  entrance  into  the  asylum  of  the 
society  named  in  it,  this  diminutive  and  unknowing  sin 
ner  should  go  through  the  farce  of  a  supposititious  admis 
sion  into  the  Church  of  Christ."  (Oh  !)  "  Yes  !  I  say  a 
farce,  whether  you  regard  the  age  of  the  acolyte,  or  the 
indifferent  proportion  of  water  with  which  it  would  be 
performed."  (Uproar,  oh,  oh !  and  some  cheering  from 
the  Baptist  section.)  "  But  I  will  not  now  further  enter 
into  these  things,"  said  Mr.  Cutwater,  who  knew  his  cue 
perfectly  well :  "  I  can  hold  these  opinions,  and  still  love 
my  brethren  of  other  denominations.  1  move,  as  an 
amendment,  that  a  committee,  consisting  of  one  minister 
and  one  layman  to  be  selected  from  each  of  the  churches, 
be  appointed  to  take  charge  of  the  physical  well-being 
and  mental  and  spiritual  training  of  the  infant." 


LOVING    ONE   ANOTHER.  *         61 

By  this  proposition,  which  was  received  with  enthu 
siasm,  Ginx's  Baby  was  to  be  incontinently  pitched  into 
an  arena  of  polemical  warfare.  Every  one  was  willing 
that  a  committee  should  fight  out  the  question  vicari 
ously  ;  and  therefore,  when  Mr.  Slowboy  seconded  the 
amendment,  it  was  carried  with  loud  acclamations. 

But  they  were  not  yet  out  of  the  wood.  On  proceed 
ing  to  nominate  members  of  the  committee,  the  Unita 
rians  and  Quakers  claimed  to  be  represented.  The 
platform  and  the  meeting  were  by  the  ears  again.  It 
was  fiercely  contended  that  only  Evangelical  Christians 
could  have  a  place  in  such  a  work;  and  many  of  the 
nominees  declared  that  they  would  not  sit  on  a  com 
mittee  with  —  well,  some  curious  epithets  were  used. 
The  Unitarians  and  Quakers  took  their  stand  on  the 
Catholic  principles  embodied  in  the  amendment,  and  on 
the  fact  that  Ginx's  Baby  had  now  "  become  national 
Protestant  property."  Mr.  Cutwater  and  a  few  others, 
moved  by  the  scandal  of  the  dispute,  interfered  ;  and  the 
committee  was  at  length  constituted  to  the  satisfaction 
of  all  parties.  It  was  to  be  called  "  The  Branch  Com 
mittee  of  the  Protestant  Detectoral  Union  for  promoting 
the  Physical  and  Spiritual  Well-Being  of  Ginx's  Baby." 

A  fourth  resolution  was  adopted,  "  That  the  subject 
should  be  treated  in  the  metropolitan  pulpits  on  the 
next  sabbath,  and  a  collection  taken  up  in  the  various 
churches  for  the  benefit  of  the  infant."  This  promised 
well  for  Master  Ginx's  future. 

The  meeting  had  lasted  five  hours ;  and,  while  they 
were  discussing  him,  the  child  grew  hungry.  In  the 
tumult,  every  one  had  forgotten  the  subject  of  it ;  and, 
now  it  was  over,  they  dispersed  without  thought  of  him. 


62  GINX'S    BABY. 

But  lie  would  not  allow  those  near  him,  at  all  events,  to 
overlook  his  presence.  Some,  foreseeing  that  awkward 
ness  was  impending,  slipped  away ;  while  three  or  four 
staid  to  ask  what  was  to  be  done  with  him. 

"  Hand  him  over  to  the  custody  of  the  chairman,'* 
said  a  Mr.  Dove. 

"I  should  be  most  happy,"  said  he  smoothly;  "but 
Mrs.  Trumpeter  is  out  of  town.  Could  your  dear  wife 
take  him,  Mr.  Dove  ?  " 

Mr.  Dove's  wife  was  otherwise  engaged. 

The  secretary  was  unmarried,  —  chambers  at  Nin- 
come's  Inn. 

In  the  midst  of  their  distress,  a  woman  who  had  been 
hanging  about  the  hall,  near  the  platform,  came  forward, 
and  offered  to  take  charge  of  him  "  for  the  sake  of  the 
cause."  Every  one  was  relieved.  After  her  name  arid 
address  had  been  hastily  noted,  the  Protestant  baby  was 
placed  in  her  arms.  My  Lord  Evergood,  the  chairman, 
the  clergy,  the  secretary,  and  the  mob  went  home  rejoi 
cing.  Some  hours  after,  Ginx's  Baby,  stripped  of  the 
duchess's  beautiful  robes,  was  found  by  a  policeman, 
lying  on  a  doorstep  in  one  of  the  narrow  streets  not  a 
hundred  yards  behind  the  Philopragmon.  By  an  ironical 
chance,  he  was  wrapped  in  a  copy  of  the  largest  daily 
paper  in  the  world. 


IX. — GOOD  SAMARITANS,  AND  GOOD-SAMARITAN  TWOPENCES. 

AT  every  breakfast-table  in  town  next  morning,  the 
report  of  the  great  Protestant  meeting  was  read ;  and  a 
further  report,  in  leaded  type,  of  the  discovery  of  Ginx's 


GOOD    SAMARITANS.  63 

Baby,  at  a  later  period  of  the  evening,  by  a  policeman. 
A  pretty  comment  on  the  proceedings !  The  Good 
Samaritan  put  his  patient  on  his  ass,  and  carried  him  to 
an  inn ;  while  the  priest  and  the  Levite,  though  the 
latter  looked  at  him,  at  least  let  him  alone.  To  have 
called  a  public  meeting  to  discuss  his  fate  before  desert 
ing  him  would  have  been  a  refinement  of  inhumanity. 
The  committee  were  rather  ashamed  when  they  met. 
Instant  measures  were  taken  to  recover  the  child,  and 
place  him  in  good  hands.  The  duchess  again  provided 
baby-clothes.  The  next  Sunday,  sermons  were  preached 
on  his  behalf  in  a  score  of  chapels.  The  collections 
amounted  to  £800,  —  a  sum  increased  by  donations  and 
subscriptions  to  the  handsome  total  of  £l,360.  10s.  3^d. 

It  will  be  seen  hereafter  what  the  committee  did  with 
the  baby ;  but  I  happen  to  have  an  account  of  what 
became  of  the  funds.  They  were  spent  as  follows, 
according  to  a  balance-sheet  never  submitted  to  the 
subscribers  :  — 

£.  s.  d. 

Committee-Rooms 45  0  0 

Two  Secretaries  employed  by  the  Committee,  120  0  0 

Agents,  canvassing,  &c 88  6  2 

Printing  Notices,  Placards,  Pamphlets,  a 

"Daily    Bulletin    of  Health,"  "Life    of 

(jinx's  Baby,"  "  Protestant  Babyhood,  a 

Tale,"  "  The  Cradle  of  an  Infant  Martyr," 

"  A  Snatched  Brand,"  and  other  Works 

issued  by  the  Committee  .  .  .  .  596  13  5 
Advertisements  of  Meetings,  Sermons,  &c.  .  261  1  1 

Legal  Expenses 77  6  8 

Stationery 35  10  0 

Postage,  Firing,  and  Sundries  .  .  .  27  19  2 


Total £1,251  16    6 


64  GINX'S    BABY. 

This  left  £108.  135.  9Jd.  for  the  baby's  keep.  No  child 
could  have  been  more  thoroughly  discussed,  preached 
and  written  about,  advertised,  or  advised  by  counsel ; 
but  his  resources  dwindled  in  proportion  to  these  ad 
vantages.  Benevolent  subscribers  too  seldom  examine 
the  financial  items  of  a  report :  had  any  who  contributed 
to  this  fund  seen  the  balance-sheet,  they  might  have 
grudged  that  so  little  of  their  bounty  went  to  make  flesh, 
bone,  and  comfort  for  the  object  of  it.  A  cynic  would 
tell  them,  that  to  look  sharply  after  the  disposal  of  their 
guerdon  was  half  the  gift.  Their  indifference  was  akin 
to  that  satirized  by  the  poet,  — 

"Prodigus  et  stultus  dedit  quae  spernit  et  odit." 

In  an  age  of  luxury,  we  are  grown  so  luxurious  as  to 
be  content  to  pay  agents  to  do  our  good  deeds  for  us ; 
but  they  charge  us  three  hundred  per  cent  for  the 
privilege. 


X.  —  THE  FORCE;  AND  A  SPECIMEN  OF  ITS  WEAKNESS. 

GINX'S  BABY  had  been  discovered  by  a  policeman, 
swaddled  in  a  penny  paper  distressingly  familiar  to 
metropolitan  travellers  by  rail.  To  omit  the  details  of 
his  treatment  at  the  hands  of  that  great  institution, 
"  The  Force,"  would  be  invidious.  The  member  thereof 
who  fell  in  with  him  was  walking  a  back  street,  sighting 
doors  with  his  bull's-eye.  He  was  provided  with  mas 
sive  boots,  so  that  a  thief  could  hear  him  coming  a  hun 
dred  yards  off;  he  was  personally  tall  and  unwieldy; 
and  a  dexterous  commissioner  had  invented  a  dress 


THE    FORCE.  65 

designed  to  enhance  these  qualities,  —  a  heavy  coat,  a 
cart-horse  belt,  and  a  round  cape.  He  had  been  care 
fully  drilled  not  to  walk  more  than  three  miles  an  hour. 
He  was  not  a  little  startled  when  the  rays  of  his  lamp 
fell  upon  a  struggling  newspaper,  out  of  which,  as  from 
a  shell,  came  mysterious  cries.  He  took  up  a  corner  of 
the  paper,  and  peeped  in  upon  the  face  of  Ginx's  Baby ; 
then  he  occupied  a  quarter  of  an  hour  in  embarrassing 
reflections.  A  nearly  naked  child  crying  in  the  cold 
ought  to  be  housed  as  soon  as  possible  ;  but  X  99  was  on 
his  beat,  and  those  magic  words  chained  him  to  certain 
limits.  This,  of  course,  was  the  rule  under  a  former 
commissioner  ;  and  every  one  knows  that  such  absurd 
strategy  has  been  abolished  in  the  existing  regime.  At 
that  time,  however,  each  watchman  had  his  beat,  to 
leave  which  was  neglect  of  duty,  except  with  a  prisoner ; 
and  then  it  was  neglect  of  all  the  householders  within 
the  magic  compass.  Had  X  99  heard  the  baby  crying 
across  the  street,  which  was  part  of  the  beat  of  X  101, 
he  would  have  passed  on  with  a  cheery  heart ;  for  the 
case  would  have  been  beyond  his  jurisdiction.  Unhap 
pily,  the  baby  was  on  his  beat ;  and  he  was  delivered 
from  the  temptation  of  transferring  it  to  the  other  by 
the  appearance  of  X  101's  bull's-eye  not  far  off.  What 
was  he  to  do  ?  The  station  was  a  mile  away ;  the  in 
spector  would  not  arrive  for  an  hour ;  and  it  would  be 
awkward,  if  not  undignified,  to  carry  on  his  rounds  a 
shouting  baby  wrapped  in  the  largest  daily  paper.  If 
he  left  it  where  it  was,  and  it  perished,  he  might  be 
charged  with  murder.  He  was  at  his  wits'  end :  but, 
having  got  there,  he  resolved  on  the  simplest  process ; 
namely,  to  carry  it  to  the  station.  No  provision  was 
5 


66  GIXX?S    BABY. 

made  by  the  regulations  of  the  force  to  protect  a  beat 
casually  deserted  even  for  a  proper  purpose :  hence, 
while  X  99  was  absent  on  his  errand  of  mercy,  the 
valuable  shop  of  Messrs.  Trinkett  and  Blouse,  ecclesias 
tical  tailors,  was  broken  into,  and  several  stoles,  chasu 
bles,  altar-cloths,  and  other  decorative  tapestries,  were 
appropriated  to  profane  uses. 

At  the  station,  the  baby  was  disposed  of  according  to 
rule.  Due  entry  was  first  made  in  the  night-book,  by 
the  superintendent,  of  all  the  particulars  of  his  discovery. 
Some  cold  milk  was  then  procured,  and  poured  down 
the  child's  throat.  Afterwards,  wrapped  in  a  constable's 
cape,  he  was  placed  in  a  cell,  where,  when  the  door  was 
locked,  he  could  not  disturb  the  guardians  of  the  peace. 

The  same  night,  in  the  next  cell,  an  innocent  gentle 
man,  seized  with  an  apoplexy  in  the  street,  but  entered 
in  the  charge-sheet  as  drunk  and  incapable,  died  like  a 
dog. 


XI. — THE  UNITY  OF  THE  SPIRIT  AND  THE  BOND  OF  PEACE. 

WHEN  the  committee  met,  every  one  discovered  his 
incongruity  with  the  rest.  Each  was  disposed  to  treat 
Ginx's  Baby  in  a  different  way;  in  other  words,  each 
wished  to  reflect  the  views  of  his  particular  sect  on  the 
object  of  their  charity.  They  were  a  new  "  Evangelical 
Alliance,"  agreed  only  in  hatred  to  Popery. 

Finding  at  their  first  meeting  that  the  discussion 
needed  to  be  brought  into  a  focus,  the  committee  ap 
pointed  three  of  their  number  to  draw  up  a  minute  of 
the  matters  to  be  argued.  This  committee  reported 


THE    UXITY    OF    THE    SPIRIT.  67 

that  there  arose  respecting  the  child  the  following  ques 
tions  :  — 

"  I.  —  As  touching  the  body  :  — 

a.  Wherewithal  he  should  be  fed  and  clothed  ? 

b.  In  what  manner  and  fashion  that  should  be 

done  ? 
II.  —  As  touching  the  mind  and  spirit :  — 

a.  Whether  he  should  be  educated  ?     If  so,  — 

b.  What  were  to  be  the  subjects  of  instruction  ? 

c.  What   creed,  if  any,    should   be   primarily 

taught  ? 

d.  Should  he  be  further  baptized  ?     If  so,  — 

1.  Into  what  communion  ? 

2.  By  what  ceremonial  ?  " 

This  programme,  it  appeared  to  its  concocters,  em 
braced  every  thing  that  concerned  Ginx's  Baby,  except 
his  death  by  the  act  of  God  or  the  queen's  enemies.  No 
sooner  was  the  report  made  than  adopted.  Then  a 
member,  eager  for  the  fray,  moved  the  postponement  of 
the  first  division  of  questions  until  the  others  had  been 
determined.  Why  should  apostles  of  truth  trouble 
themselves  to  serve  tables  ?  These  were  very  subordi 
nate  questions  to  them;  though,  I  think,  of  first  im 
portance  to  Ginx's  Baby.  It  was  decided  to  discuss  little 
Ginx's  future  before  considering  his  present. 

The  ball  was  opened  by  the  venerable  Archdeacon 
Hotten,  who,  amid  much  excitement,  contended,  that, 
from  the  earliest  buddings  of  thought  in  an  infant  mind, 
religion  should  be  ingrafted  upon  it,  —  there  could  be  no 
education  worth  the  name  that  was  not  religious  ;  that 


68  GINX'S    BABY. 

with  the  A  should  be  taught  the  origin,  and  with  the  Z 
the  final  destiny  and  destruction,  of  evil.  To  separate 
education  from  religion  was  to  clip  the  wings  of  the 
heavenly  dove.  He  asserted  that  the  committee  ought 
at  once  to  have  the  child  baptized  in  Westminster  Ab 
bey,  though  he  was  rather  of  opinion  that  the  previous 
baptism  was  canonically  valid  ;  that  he  should  be  taught 
the  truths  of  our  most  holy  faith ;  and,  since  there  could 
be  no  faith  without  a  creed,  —  and  the  only  national 
creed  was  that  of  the  Church  of  England,  —  the  baby 
should  be  handed  over  to  the  care  of  a  clergyman,  and 
then  be  sent  to  a  proper  religious  school.  He  need  not 
say  that  he  excluded  Bugby  under  its  then  profane 
management. 

The  Church  was,  however,  divided  against  itself;  for 
the  Dean  of  Triston  said  he  would  give  more  latitude 
than  his  very  reverend  brother.  You  ought  not  to  de 
fine  in  an  infant  mind  a  rigid  outline  of  creed.  In  fact, 
he  did  not  acknowledge  any  creed :  he  was  not  obliged 
to  by  law,  and  was  disinclined  to  by  his  reason.  He 
would  rather  allow  the  inner  seeds  of  natural  light  — 
the  glorious,  all-pervading  efflorescence  of  the  Deity  in 
all  men's  hearts  —  to  grow  within  the  young  spirit.  The 
dean  was  assuredly  vague,  and  far  less  earnest  than  his 
brother  cleric. 

The  "  Rev."  Mr.  Bumpus,  Unitarian,  met  the  sugges 
tions  of  the  archdeacon  with  the  scorn  they  merited.  It 
was  impossible  to  apply  to  a  representative  child  of  an 
enlightened  age  theories  so  long  exploded.  The  dean 
had  certainly  come  nearer  the  truth  with  that  broad 
sympathy  for  which  he  was  noted.  He  himself  proposed 
that  the  child  should  be  made  a  model  nursling  of  the 


THE   UNITY    OF   THE    SPIRIT.  69 

liberalism  of  a  new  era.  Old  things  were  passing  away : 
all  things  had  become  new.  Creeds  were  the  discarded 
banners  of  a  mediaeval  past,  fit  only  to  be  hung  up  in  the 
churches,  and  looked  at  as  historic  monuments ;  never 
more  to  be  flaunted  in  the  front  of  battle !  The  educa 
tion  of  the  day  was  that  which  taught  a  man  the  intro 
spection  whereby  he  recognized  the  divine  within  him 
self,  —  under  any  aspect,  under  any  tuition,  whether  of 
Brahma,  Confucius,  or  Christ.  Truth  was  kaleidoscopic, 
and  varied  with  the  media  through  which  it  was  viewed. 
As  for  the  child,  every  aspect  of  truth  and  error  should 
be  allowed  to  play  upon  his  mind.  Let  him  acquire 
ordinary  school  learning  for  fifteen  years,  and  then  send 
him  to  the  London  University. 

Here  the  chairman,  and  half  a  dozen  members  of  the 
committee,  protested  that  the  said  university  was  a 
school  of  the  Devil ;  and  several  interchanges  of  discour 
tesy  took  place. 

Mr.  Shortt,  M.P.,  begged  to  suggest,  as  a  matter  of 
business,  that,  for  the  present,  the  child  was  not  capable 
of  receiving  any  ideas  whatever,  and  might  die,  or  prove 
to  be  dumb  or  an  idiot,  and  so  require  no  education. 
Ought  they  not  to  postpone  this  discussion  until  the  sub 
ject  was  old  enough  to  be  worth  consideration  ? 

It  was  Mr.  Shortt's  habit  to  show  his  practical  vein  by 
business-like  obstructions  of  this  kind.  He  had  been 
able  a  score  of  times  to  demonstrate  to  the  House  of 
Commons  how  silly  it  was  to  consider  probabilities.  In 
fact,  he  was  opposed  heart  and  soul  to  prophetic  legisla- 
lation  :  he  would  live,  legislatively,  from  hand  to  mouth. 

But  the  committee  would  not  allow  Mr.  Shortt  to  run 
away  with  the  bone  of  contention. 


70  GIXX'S    BABY. 

The  Rev.  Dr.  McGregor  Lucas,  of  the  National  Cale 
donian  Believers,  had  been  silent  too  long  to  contain 
himself  further.  This  man  needs  some  particular  de 
scription  whenever  his  name  is  made  public.  Nay,  for 
this  he  lives ;  and  by  it,  some  think.  At  all  events,  he 
appears  to  be  equally  eager  for  rebuke  and  applause  : 
they  both  involve  notoriety,  and  notoriety  is  sure  to  pay. 
Few  absurdities  had  been  overlooked  by  his  shallow  in 
genuity.  Simply  to  have  invested  his  limited  mental 
endowments  in  trying  to  make  the  world  believe  him  a 
genius  would  have  been  only  so  like  what  many  thou 
sands  are  doing  as  to  have  absolved  him  from  too  harsh 
a  judgment ;  but  he  traded  in  perilous  stuff.  Cheap 
prophecy  was  his  staple.  It  was  his  wont  to  give  out 
about  once  in  five  years  that  the  world  would  shortly 
come  to  an  end  ;  and,  like  Mr.  Zadkiel,  he  found  peo 
ple  who  thought  their  inevitable  disappointment  a 
proof  of  his  inspiration.  Had  you  heard  the  honeyed 
words  dropping  from  his  lips,  you  would  have  taken  him 
for  a  Scotch  angel,  and,  consequently,  a  rarity.  Could 
such  lips  utter  harsh  sayings,  or  distil  vanities  ?  Show 
him  a  priest,  and  you  would  hear  !  The  pope  was  his 
particular  born  foe ;  popery  his  enemies'  country :  so 
he  said.  It  was  safe  for  him  to  stand  and  throw  his 
darts.  No  one  could  say  whether  they  hit,  or  did  not ; 
while  most  spectators  had  the  good  will  to  hope  that 
they  did.  How  he  would  have  lived  if  Daniel  and  St. 
John  had  dreamed  no  dreams,  one  cannot  conjecture  : 
as  it  was,  they  provided  the  doctor  with  endless  open 
ings  for  his  fancy.  Since  no  one  could  solve  the  riddle 
of  their  prophecies,  it  was  certain  that  no  one  could 
disprove  his  solutions.  Yet  these  came  so  often  to  their 


THE   UNITY    OF    THE    SPIRIT.  71 

own  disproof  by  lapse  of  time,  that  I  can  only  think  that 
the  good  doctor  hoped  to  die  before  his  critical  periods 
came,  or  was  so  clever  as  to  trust  the  infallibility  of  hu 
man  weakness. 

I  describe  Dr.  Lucas  at  so  great  a  length,  because  it 
will  be  easier  and  more,  edifying  to  the  reader  to  con 
ceive  what  he  said  than  for  me  to  recount  it.  He 
showed  the  baby  to  be  one  of  seven  mysteries.  He  was 
in  favor  of  teaching  him  at  once  to  hate  idolatry,  music, 
crosses,  masses,  nuns,  priests,  bishops,  and  cardinals. 
The  "humanities,"  the  Shorter  Catechism,  the  Confes 
sion  of  Faith,  and  "  The  Whole  Duty  of  Man,"  would,  in 
his  opinion,  be  the  books  to  lay  the  groundwork  in  the 
child's  mind  of  a  Christian  character  of  the  highest 
type. 

Mr.  Ogle,  M.P.,  here  vigorously  intervened.  Said 
he,- 

"  I  can't,  with  all  deference,  agree  to  any  of  these 
suggestions.  They  involve  hand-to-hand  fighting  over 
this  baby's  body.  No  one  of  us  is  entitled  to  take 
charge  of  him :  else  why  did  we  all  unite  to  rescue 
him  from  the  nunnery  ?  He  will  be  torn  to  pieces 
among  contending  divines !  I  think  a  purely  secular 
education  is  all  that,  as  a  committee,  we  should  aim  at. 
We  have  but  just  withdrawn  the  child  from  the  shadow 
of  a  single  ecclesiastical  influence  :  would  you  transfer 
it  to  another  ?  Every  Protestant  denomination  is  con 
tributing  to  his  support :  how  can  you  devote  their  gifts 
to  rearing  him  for  one  ?  You  would  have  no  peace  : 
better  at  once  treat  him  as  the  man  of  Benjamin  treated 
his  wife,  —  cut  him  up  into  enough  pieces  to  send  to  all 
the  tribes  of  Israel,  summoning  them  to  the  fight.  I  say, 


72 


we  have  nothing  to  do  with  this  just  now :  let  him  be 
educated  in  a  secular  academy,  and  let  each  sect  be  free 
to  send  its  agents  to  instruct  him  out  of  school-hours  as 
they  please." 

The  Rev.  Theodoret  Verity,  M.A.,  rose  in  anger. 

"  Surely,  sir,  you  cannot  seriously  propound  such  a 
scheme  !  Would  you  leave  this  precious  waif  to  be  buf 
feted  between  the  contending  waves  of  truth  and  error, 
in  the  vague  hope,  that,  by  some  lucky  wind,  he  might 
finally  be  cast  upon  a  rock  of  safety  ?  I  protest  against 
all  these  educational  heresies  :  they  are  redolent  of  brim 
stone.  Truth  is  truth,  or  there  is  none  at  all.  If  there 
be  any,  it  is  our  duty  to  impart  it  to  this  immortal  at  the 
outset  of  his  existence.  Secular  education !  —  what  do 
you  mean  by  it?  Who  shall  sever  one  question  from 
another,  and  call  one  secular,  and  the  other  religious  ? 
Is  not  every  relation  and  every  truth  in  some  way  or 
other  connected  with  religion  ?  "  &c.  Mr.  Verity  has 
been  saying  the  same  thing  any  time  these  forty  years. 

"  Forgive  me,"  replied  Mr.  Ogle,  "  if  I  say  that  this  is 
very  vague  talking.  I  have  not  proposed  to  sever  one 
question  from  another.  I  only  propose  to  do  in  a  dif 
ferent  way  that  which  is  being  done  now  by  the  most 
rigid  of  Mr.  Verity's  friends.  It  is  impossible  to  com 
prehend  what  is  meant  by  such  a  statement  as  that 
every  truth  is  somehow  connected  with  religion.  It  may 
be  that  the  notion  —  if  it  really  is  not,  as  I  suspect  it  to 
be,  mere  verbiage  and  clap-trap,  used  by  certain  fools  to 
mislead  others  —  means  that  there  is  some  such  cohe 
rency  between  all  truths  as  there  is,  for  instance,  between 
the  elements  of  the  body.  I  would  admit  that ;  but  is 
not  blood  a  different  and  perfectly  severable  thing  from 


THE    UNITY    OF    THE    SPIRIT.  73 

bone?  Each  has  its  place,  office,  relation.  But  who 
would  say  that  one  could  not  be  regarded  by  a  physicist 
in  the  largest  variety  of  its  aspects  apart  from  the  other  ? 
Yet  the  physicist  comes  back  again  to  consider  with  re 
spect  to  each  its  relations  to  all  the  rest :  the  separate 
study  has  rather  prepared  him  for  more  profound  insight 
into  those  relations.  Thus  it  is  with  the  body  of  truth. 
In  spite  of  Mr.  Verity,  I  affirm  that  there  are  truths  that 
have  not  in  themselves  any  element  of  religion  whatever. 
The  forty-seventh  proposition  of  Euclid  will  be  taught  by 
a  Jesuit  precisely  as  it  is  taught  in  the  London  Univer 
sity.  Geography  will  affirm  certain  principles,  and  des 
ignate  places,  rivers,  mountains,  that  no  faith  can  re 
move  and  cast  into  unknown  seas.  These  subjects  and 
others  are  taught  in  our  most  bigoted  schools,  in  separate 
hours  and  relations  from  religion.  What,  then,  do  you 
mean  by  affirming  that  there  can  be  no  secular  education 
of  this  child  apart  from  religious  teaching?  We  are 
not  likely  to  agree,  if  I  may  judge  from  what  I  have  seen, 
on  any  one  method  of  religious  instruction  for  it :  there 
fore  I  wish  first  to  fix  common  bounds  within  which  our 
common  benevolence  may  work.  Well,  we  all  go  to  the 
Bible.  We  agree  that  between  its  covers  lies  religious 
truth  somewhere.  If  you  like,  let  him  have  that ;  and 
let  him  have  some  kindly  and  holy  influences  about  him 
in  the  way  of  practice  and  example,  such  as  many  of  our 
sects  can  supply  many  instances  of.  Give  him  no  cate 
chism  :  let  him  read  a  creed  in  our  daily  life.  The  arti 
cles  of  faith  strongest  in  his  soul  will  be  those  which 
have  crystallized  there  from  the  combined  action  of  truth 
and  experience,  and  not,  as  it  were,  been  pasted  on  its 
walls  by  ecclesiastical  bill-posters.  '  What  is  truth  ? ' 


74  GINX's'   BABY. 

lie  must  ask  and  answer  for  himself,  as  we  all  must  do 
before  God.  Don't  mistake  me :  I  hope  I  am  not  more 
indifferent  to  religion  than  any  here  present ;  but  I  differ 
from  them  on  the  best  method  of  imbuing  the  mind  and 
heart  with  it.  Surely  we  need  not,  -we  cannot,  —  it  would 
be  an  exquisite  absurdity,  —  pass  a  resolution  in  this  com 
mittee  that  the  child  is  to  be  a  Calvinist !  Who,  then, 
would  agree  to  secure  him  from  any  taint  of  Arminian 
heresy  in  years  to  come  ?  Dare  you  even  resolve  that 
he  shall  be  a  Christian  and  a  Protestant  ?  I  would  not 
insure  the  risk.  But,  with  so  many  of  Christ's  followers 
about  me,  surely,  surely,  without  providing  any  ecclesi 
astical  mechanism,  there  will  be  testified  to  him  simply 
how  he  may  be  saved.  Your  prayers,  your  visits,  your 
kindly  moral  influence  and  talk,  your  living  example  of 
a  goodness  derived  not  from  dogmas,  but  from  affection 
ate  following  of  a  holy  pattern,  and  trust  in  revealed 
mercies,  your  pointing  to  that  pattern,  and  showing  the 
daily  passage  of  these  mercies,  will  prompt  his  search 
after  the  truth  that  has  made  you  what  you  are.  Let 
some  good  woman  do  for  him  a  mother's  part ;  but  choose 
her  for  her  general  goodness,  and  not  for  the  dogmas  of 
her  church.  The  simpler  her  piety,  the  better  for  him, 
I  should  say  !  " 

This  straightforward  speech  fell  like  a  new  apple  of 
discord  in  the  midst  of  the  committee.  Angry  knots 
were  formed,  and  the  noble  chairman  found  that  he 
could  not  restore  order.  An  adjournment  was  agreed 
to.  Luckily  for  the  body  of  Ginx's  Baby,  he  had  been 
meanwhile  sent  to  a  home  where  Protestant  money  se 
cured  to  him,  for  the  time,  good  living,  while  his  bene 
factors  were  discussing  what  to  do  with  his  soul. 


THE    UXITY    OF    THE    SPIRIT.  75 

Surely  it  were  no  impertinence  to  interrupt  this  his 
tory,  and  advert  to  the  fact,  that,  in  the  discussion  just 
related,  every  one  was,  to  some  extent,  right,  and  to  some 
extent  agreed.  That  religious  teaching  was  due  to  an 
immortal  spirit,  —  some  notion  and  evidence  of  the 
Divine  and  the  great  hereafter  to  be  conveyed  to  it,  — 
scarce  was  disputed.  Nor  was  there  collison  over  the 
necessity  of  what  is  called  intellectual  cultivation.  The 
boy  must  be  taught  something  of  the  world  in  which  he 
was  to  live ;  nay,  this  latter  knowledge  seemed  to  be 
most  immediately  practical.  As  each  disputant  fixed 
his  eye  on  one  or  the  other  aim,  that  end  appeared  to 
him  to  be  the  most  important.  •  Hence,  by  a  natural 
lapse,  they  came  to  treat  subjects  as  antagonistic  which 
were,  in  fact,  parallel  and  quite  consistent.  The  one 
called  the  others  godless  :  the  others  threw  back  the 
aspersion  of  bigotry.  Then  came  complication.  What 
was  "  religion  "  ?  Intellectual  culture  they  could  agree 
about,  —  it  embraced  well-known  areas,  —  but  this  reli 
gion  divided  itself  into  many  disputable  fields.  These 
brother  Protestants  were  like  country  neighbors,  who 
must  encounter  each  other  at  fairs,  markets,  meets,  and 
balls,  and  smile  and  greet,  though  each  at  heart  is  look 
ing  savagely  at  the  other's  landmarks,  and  most  are, 
very  likely,  fighting  bitter  lawsuits  all  the  while.  It  was 
because  religion  meant  CREED  to  most  members  of  the 
committee,  and  because  it  so  implies  to  the  vast  bodies 
they  represented,  that  they  could  not  come  to  terms 
about  Ginx's  Baby  or  any  other  infantile  immortal.  Not 
always,  perhaps,  but  often,  they  fought  for  futile  distinc 
tions.  Had  Mahomet's  creed  consisted  of  but  one 
article,  "  There  is  one  God,"  the  blood  of  many  nations 


76  GIXX'S   BABY. 


might  never  have  given  testimony  against  the  creed  they 
resented  when  to  it  he  tacked,  "and  Mahomet  is  his 
prophet."  Could  Protestants  but  consent  to  agree  in 
their  agreement,  and  peacefully  differ  in  their  petty  dif 
ferences,  how  would  the  aggregated  impulse  of  a  simple 
faith  roll  down  before  it  all  the  impediments  of  error  ! 

When  Ginx's  Baby  had  grown  to  a  discretionary  age, 
and  was  at  all  able  to  know  truth  from  error  (supposing 
that  to  be  knowable),  there  were  in  the  country  fifty 
thousand  reverend  gentlemen  of  every  tincture  of  reli 
gious  opinion  who  might  ply  him  with  their  various 
theories  ;  yet  few  of  these  would  be  contented  unless 
they  could  seize  him  while  his  young  nature  was  plastic, 
and  try  to  imprint  on  immortal  clay  the  trade-mark  of 
some  human  invention. 


Xn.  — No  FUNDS,  NO  FAITH,  NO  WORKS. 

THE  Committee  of  the  Protestant  Detectoral  Union 
on  Ginx's  Baby  held  twenty-three  meetings.  They  were 
then  as  far  from  unity  of  purpose  as  when  they  set  out. 
Variety  was  given  to  the  meetings  by  the  changing  com 
binations  of  members  in  attendance.  The  finances  were 
little  heeded  in  the  intensity  of  their  zeal  for  truth. 
These  at  length  fell  altogether  into  the  hands  of  the 
association's  secretary,  and,  we  have  seen,  involved  large 
items  of  expense.  The  twenty-three  meetings  extended 
over  a  year.  At  the  end  of  that  time,  the  secretary 
startled  the  committee  by  laying  on  the  table  a  demand 
for  the  board  and  keep  of  the  Protestant  baby  for  three 
months,  amounting  to  £36  ;  and  adding,  that  the  sum  in 


IN   TRANSIT!!.  77 

hand  was  £  1 .  4s.  4  Jr7.  In  his  report  he  said,  "  No  effort 
has  been  spared,  by  means  of  advertisements,  pamphlets, 
tales,  leaders  and  paragraphs  in  newspapers  and  reli 
gious  journals,  together  with  occasional  sermons,  to 
maintain  the  public  interest  in  this  child  ;  but  attention 
has  been  diverted  from  him  by  the  great  Roman  Spozzi 
case,  and  the  anxiety  created  throughout  the  Protestant 
world  by  the  recent  discovery,  made  by  Dr.  Gooddee,  of 
a  solitary  survivor  of  the  ancient  Church  of  the  Vieux- 
bois  Protestants  in  a  secluded  valley  of  the  Pyrenees." 

The  secretary  asked  the  committee  to  provide  the 
money  to  discharge  the  baby's  liabilities ;  but  they  in 
stantly  adjourned,  and  no  effort  could  afterwards  get  a 
quorum  together.  When  the  persons  who  had  charge 
of  the  Protestant  foundling  discovered  the  state  of 
affairs,  they  began  to  dun  the  secretary,  and  to  neglect 
the  child,  now  about  thirteen  months  old  and  preparing 
to  walk.  Since  no  money  appeared,  they  sold  whatever 
clothes  had  been  provided  for  him,  and  absconded  from 
the  place  where  they  had  been  farming  him  for  Protes 
tantism.  The  secretary,  by  chance  hearing  of  this,  was 
discreet  enough  to  make  no  inquiries.  Ginx's  Baby, 
"  as  a  Protestant  question,"  vanished  from  the  world.  I 
never  heard  that  any  one  was  asked  what  had  been  done 
with  the  funds  ;  but  I  have  already  furnished  the  ac 
count  that  ouirht  to  have  been  rendered. 


XIII.— IN  TRANSITU. 

ONE  night,  near  twelve  o'clock,  a  shrewd  tradesman, 
looking  out  of  his  shop-door  before  he  turned  into  bed, 


78  GIXX'S-  BABY. 

heard  a  cry,  which  proceeded  from  a  bundle  on  the 
pavement.  This  he  discovered  to  be  an  infant  wrapped 
in  a  potato-sack.  He  was  quick  enough  to  observe  that 
it  had  been  deftly  laid  over  a  line  chiselled  across  the 
pavement  to  the  corner  of  his  house ;  which  line  he 
knew  to  be  the  boundary  between  his  own  parish  of  St. 
Simon  Magus  and  the  adjacent  parish  of  St.  Bartimeus. 
He  took  note,  being  a  business-man,  of  the  exact  posi 
tion  of  the  child's  body  in  relation  to  this  line,  and  then 
conveyed  it  to  the  workhouse  of  the  other  parish. 


PART    III. 

WHAT   THE  PARISH  DID   WITH  HIM. 
I.  — PAROCHIAL  KNOTS;  TO  BE  UNTIED  WITHOUT  PREJUDICE. 

THE  infant  borne  to  the  workhouse  of  St.  Bartimeus 
was  Ginx's  Baby.     When  he  had  been  placed  on 
the  floor  of  the  matron's  room,  and  examined  by  the 
master,  that  official  turned  to  the  unwelcome  bearer  of 
the  burden :  — 

"  Did  you  find  this  child?  " 

"  Yes." 

"  Where  ?  " 

"  Lying  opposite  my  shop,  in  Nether  Place." 

"  What's  your  name  ?  " 

"Doll." 

"  Oh !  you're  the  cheesemonger.  Your  shop's  on  the 
other  side  of  the  boundary,  in  the  other  parish.  The 
child  ought  not  to  come  here  :  it  doesn't  belong  to  us." 

"Yes,  it  does:  it  wasn't  on  my  side  of  the  line." 

"  But  it  was  in  front  of  your  house  ?  " 

"  Well,  the  line  runs  crosswise :  it  don't  follow  the 
child  was  in  our  parish." 

"  Oh,  nonsense !  there's  no  doubt  about  it !  We  can't 
take  the  child  in.  You  must  carry  it  away  again." 

79 


80  GINX'S    BABY. 

Mr.  Snigger  turned  to  leave  the  room. 

"  Wait  a  bit,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Doll.  "  I  shall  leave  the 
child  here,  and  you  can  do  as  you  like  with  it.  It  ain't 
mine,  at  all  events.  I  say,  it  lay  in  your  parish  ;  and,  if 
you  don't  look  after  it,  you  may  be  the  worse  of  it.  The 
coroner's  sure  to  try  to  earn  his  fees.  Good-night !  " 

He  hurried  from  the  room. 

"  Stop!  "  shouted  the  master,  "  I  say  :  I  don't  accept 
the  child.  You  leave  it  here  at  your  own  risk.  We 
keep  it  without  prejudice,  remember ;  without  preju 
dice,  sir !  —  without  "  — 

Mr.  Doll  was  in  the  street,  and  out  of  hearing. 


II.  — A  BOARD  OF  GUARDIANS. 

THE  guardians  of  St.  Bartimeus  met  the  day  after  Mr. 
Doll's  clever  stratagem.  Among  other  business  was  a 
report  from  the  master  of  the  workhouse,  that  a  child, 
name  unknown,  found  by  Mr.  Doll,  cheesemonger,  of 
Nether  Place,  in  the  Parish  of  St.  Simon  Magus,  oppo 
site  his  shop,  and,  as  he  alleged,  on  the  nearer  side  of 
the  parish  boundary,  had  been  left  at  the  workhouse, 
and  was  now  in  the  custody  of  the  matron.  The  guar 
dians  were  not  accustomed  to  restrain  themselves,  and  did 
not  withhold  the  expression  of  their  indignation  upon 
this  announcement.  As  Mr.  Doll  had  himself  been  a 
guardian  of  St.  Simon  Magus,  it  was  clear  to  their  im 
partial  minds  that  he  was  trying  by  a  trick  to  foist  a 
bastard  —  perhaps  his  own  —  on  the  wrong  parish. 

Mr.  Cheekey,  a  licensed  victualler,  moved  that  the 
master's  report  be  put  under  the  table. 


A  BOARD    OF    GUARDIANS.  81 

Mr.  Slinkum,  draper,  seconded  the  motion. 

Mr.  Edge,  ironmonger,  pointed  out  that  there  was  no 
parliamentary  precedent  for  such  a  disposition  of  the 
report ;  and,  further,  that  such  action  did  not  dispose  of 
the  baby. 

"  Well,"  said  Mr.  Cheekey,  turning  painfully  red,  "  no 
matter  how  ye  put  it.  I  move  to  get  rid  of  the  brat. 
What's  the  best  form  of  motion  ?  " 

A  churchwarden,  who  happened  to  be  a  gentleman, 
explained  that  the  board  could  not  dismiss  the  question 
in  so  summary  a  way.  "  He  could  foresee  that  there 
might  be  a  nice  point  of  law  in  the  case.  They  would 
have  to  take  some  legal  means  of  ascertaining  their  lia 
bilities,  and  of  forcing  the  other  parish  to  take  the  child 
if  they  ought  to  do  so.  They  must  consult  their  solici 
tor." 

This  gentleman  was  sent  for  post-haste.  Meanwhile, 
the  baby  was  ordered  to  be  brought  in  for  inspection. 
The  matron  had  handed  him  over  to  a  sort  of  half-witted 
inmate  of  the  house,  whose  wits,  however,  were  strangely 
about  him  at  the  wrong  time,  to  nurse  and  amuse  him. 
This  person  brought  Ginx's  Baby  into  the  board-room, 
and  placed  him  on  the  table.  The  board  of  guardians 
took  a  good  look  at  him.  He  was  not  then  in  fair  con 
dition.  He  was  limp,  he  was  dirty,  hollow  in  the  cheeks, 
white,  stiff  in  his  limbs,  and  half  naked  (to  be  regard 
less  of  gender), — 

"  Pallidula,  rigida,  nud'jila." 

"Hum!"  said  Mr.  Stink,  who  was  a  dog-breeder, 
"  what's  his  pedigree  ?  " 


82 


This  brutal  joke  was  well  received  by  some  of  the 
guardians. 

"  His  pedigree,"  answered  the  half-wit  gravely,  "  goes 
back  for  three  hundred  years.  Parients  unknown  by 
name,  but  got  by  Misery  out  o'  Starvashun.  The  line 
began  with  Poverty  out  o'  Laziness  in  Queen  Elizabeth's 
time.  The  breed  has  been  a  large  'un,  wotever  you 
thinks  of  the  quality." 

This  pleasantry  was  less  acceptable  to  the  board. 

"  Well,"  said  Mr.  Scoop,  grocer,  a  great  stickler  for 
parliamentary  modes  of  procedure,  "  I  move  it  be  com 
mitted." 

"  Committed !     Where  ?  "  said  Mr.  Stink. 

"To  Newgate,  I  s'pose,"  said  the  half-wit,  his  eyes 
twinkling. 

"  Nonsense,  sir !  —  for  consideration.  Send  that  man 
out !  "  exclaimed  Scoop :  "  clear  the  room  for  consulta 
tion  ! " 

Davus  was  expelled,  and  the  baby  was  then  formally 
consigned  to  the  care  of  a  committee.  By  this  time,  the 
legal  adviser  came  in.  The  facts  having  been  stated  to 
him,  he  said, — 

"  Gentlemen,  as  at  present  advised,  I  am  of  opinion 
that  the  parish  in  which  the  child  was  found  is  bound  to 
maintain  him.  If  Mr.  Doll  (a  highly  respectable  per 
son,  my  own  cheesemonger)  found  the  child  beyond  the 
boundaries  of  St.  Simon  Magus,  —  and  he  will,  of  course, 
swear  that  he  did,  —  you  cannot  refuse  to  take  it  in. 
However,  1  had  better  ascertain  the  facts  from  Mr.  Doll, 
and  take  the  opinion  of  counsel.  Meanwhile,  we  must 
beware  not  to  compromise  ourselves  by  admitting  any 
thing,  or  doing  any  thing  equivalent  to  an  admission. 


A   BOARD    OF   GUARDIAXS.  83 

Let  me  see,  —  ah  !  —  yes,  —  a  notice  to  be  served  on  the 
other  parish,  repudiating  the  infant ;  another  notice  to 
Mr.  Doll  to  take  it  away,  and  that  it  remains  here  at  his 
risk  and  expense.  You  see,  gentlemen,  we  could  hardly 
venture  to  return  it  to  Mr.  Doll :  we  should  create  an 
unhappy  impression  in  the  minds  of  the  public  "  — 

"  D n  the  public  !  "  said  Mr.  Stink. 

"  Quite  so,  my  dear  sir,"  said  Mr.  Phillpotts,  smiling, 
—  "  quite  so ;  but  that  is  not  a  legal,  or,  in  fact,  practicable 
mode  of  discarding  them  :  we  must  act  with  public  opin 
ion,  I  fear.  Then,  to  resume,  thirdly,  and  to  be  strictly 
safe,  we  must  serve  a  notice  on  the  infant  and  all  whom 
it  may  concern.  I  think  I'll  draft  it  at  once." 

In  a  few  minutes,  the  committee  in  charge  pinned  to 
the  only  garment  of  Ginx's  Baby  a  paper  in  the  follow 
ing  form  :  — 


PARISH    OF    ST.   BARTIMEUS. 

To (name  unknown),  a  Foundling,  and  all  other 

persons  interested  in  the  said  Foundling. 

TAKE   NOTICE, 

That  you,  or  either  of  you,  have  no  just  or  lawful  claim  to  have 
you  or  the  said  infant  chargeable  on  the  said  parish.  And  this 
is  to  notify,  that  you,  the  said  infant^  are  retained  in  the  work 
house  of  the  said  parish  under  protest ;  and  that  whatsoever  is 
or  may  be  done  or  provided  for  you  is  at  the  proper  charge  of 
you,  and  all  such  persons  as  are  and  were  by  law  bound  to  main 
tain  and  keep  the  same . 

WINKLE  &  PHILLPOTTS, 

Solicitors  for  the  Board. 


84  GESTX7S    BABY. 


m.— "THE  WORLD  is  MY  PARISH." 

WHEN  Mr.  Phill potts  called  upon  Doll,  the  cheese 
monger,  the  latter  straightway  gave  him  the  facts  as 
they  had  occurred.  He  pointed  out  the  exact  spot  on 
which  the  bundle  had  lain;  he  gave  an  estimate  of  the 
number  of  inches  on  each  side  of  the  line  occupied  by  it, 
and  declared  that  the  head  and  shoulders  of  the  infant 
lay  in  the  parish  of  the  solicitor's  clients.  Ginx's  Baby, 
under  the  title  "  Re  a  Foundling,"  was  once  more  sub 
mitted  for  the  opinion  of  counsel.  They  advised  the 
board,  that  as  the  child  was  in  both  parishes  when 
found,  but  had  been  taken  up  by  a  rate-payer  of  St. 
Simon  Magus,  the  latter  parish  was  bound  to  support 
him.  Whereupon  the  guardians  of  St.  Bartimeus  at 
their  next  meeting  resolved  that  the  vestry  of  the  other 
parish  should  have  a  written  notice  to  remove  the  child ; 
failing  which,  application  should  be  made  to  the  Queen's 
Bench  for  a  mandamus  to  compel  them  to  do  it. 

On  receiving  the  challenge,  the  guardians  of  St.  Simon 
Magus  also  took  counsel's  opinion.  They  were  advised, 
that  as  the  greater  part,  and  especially  the  head,  of  the 
infant,  was,  when  discovered,  in  the  parish  of  St.  Barti 
meus,  the  latter  was  clearly  chargeable.  Both  parties 
then  proceeded  to  swear  affidavits.  The  attorney- 
general  and  solicitor-general,  the  two  great  law-officers 
of  the  crown,  were  retained  on  opposite  sides,  and  took 
fees,  —  not  for  an  imperial  prosecution,  but  as  petty 
queen's  counsel  in  an  inter-parochial  squabble. 


WITHOUT    PREJUDICE.  85 

IV. —  WITHOUT  PREJUDICE  TO  ANY  ONE  BUT  THE  GUARDIANS. 

THE  Court  of  Queen's  Bench,  after  hearing  an  elabo 
rate  statement  from  the  attorney-general,  granted  a 
rule  nisi  for  a  mandamus.  This  rule  was  entered  for 
argument  in  a  paper  called  "  The  Special  Paper  ;  "  and, 
the  list  being  a  heavy  one,  nearly  a  year  elapsed  before 
it  was  reached.  It  was  then  again  postponed  several 
times  "  for  the  convenience  of  counsel." 

The  Board  of  St.  Bartimeus  chafed  under  the  law's 
delay.  They  became  morbidly  sensitive  to  the  incubus 
of  Ginx's  Baby,  especially  as  the  press  had  been  review 
ing  some  of  their  recent  acts  with  great  bitterness.  The 
guardians  were  defiant.  Having  served  their  notices, 
they  were  induced  by  Mr.  Stink  to  resolve  not  to  main 
tain  the  infant.  The  poor  child  was  threatened  with  dis 
solution.  Thus,  no  doubt,  many  difficulties  in  parochial 
administration  are  solved,  —  the  subject  vanishes  away. 
The  baby  was  kept  provisionally  in  a  room  at  the  work 
house.  On  the  outside  of  the  door  was  a  notice  in  fair 
round-hand :  — 


NOTICE. 
DOLL'S  FOUNDLING. 

Pending  the  legal  inquiry  into  the  facts  concerning  the  above 
infant,  and  a  decision  as  to  its  settlement,  all  officials,  assist 
ants,  and  servants  of  the  workhouse  are  forbidden  to  enter  the 
room  in  which  it  is  deposited,  or  to  render  it  any  service  or 
assistance,  on  pain  of  dismissal.  No  food  is  to  be  supplied  to 
it  from  the  workhouse  kitchen. 

N.  B.  —  This  is  not  intended  to  prevent  persons  other  than 
officials,  cfc.,  from  having  access  to  the  infant,  or  assisting  it. 

BY  ORDER  OF  THE  BOARD. 


86  GIXX'S    BABY. 

That  any  body  of  human  beings  other  than  Patago- 
nians  could  have  coolly  contemplated  such  a  result  as 
must  have  followed  upon  the  strict  performance  of  this 
order  would  be  incredible  except  in  the  instance  of  the 
guardians  of  St.  Bartirneus.  There  was  nothing  they 
could  not  do,  or  leave  undone.  Fortunately  for  Ginx's 
Baby,  the  order  was  disobeyed.  Occasionally,  lady- 
visitors  went  to  look  at  him  and  give  him  some  food. 
He  was  toddling  about  the  room  on  unsteady  legs  ;  but 
Charity  seemed  to  be  appalled  by  the  official  questions 
hanging  about  this  child.  The  master,  Snigger,  whose 
business  it  was  every  day  to  ascertain  whether  the  cause 
of  the  great  parochial  quarrel  was  in  or  out  of  existence, 
became  a  traitor  to  the  board.  When  the  child  grew, 
hungry  and  dangerously  thin,  he  brought  bottles  of  pap 
prepared  by  Mrs.  Snigger,  and  administered  it  to  him. 
No  conclusions  to  the  disfavor  of  the  board  were  to  be 
drawn  from  this  conduct ;  for  Snigger  was  particular  to 
say  to  the  boy  in  a  loud  voice,  each  time  he  fed  him,  — 

"  Now,  youngster,  this  is  without  prejudice  :  remember  ! 
I  give  you  due  notice,  —  without  prejudice." 

Who,  in  Master  Ginx's  situation,  would  have  had  any 
prejudices  to  such  action,  or  have  expressed  them,  even 
if  they  were  entertained  ?  He  took  no  objection  as  he 
took  the  pap ;  while  Snigger  was  glad  to  be  able  to  do 
an  unusual  kindness  without  compromising  the  parish. 

Thus  things  had  gone  on  for  many  months,  when  one 
day  an  eye  of  that  Argus  monster,  the  public,  was  set 
upon  Ginx's  Baby.  A  well-known  nobleman,  calling  at 
the  workhouse  to  see  a  little  girl  whom  he  had  saved 
from  infamy,  as  he  passed  down  a  corridor  was  arrested 
by  the  notice  on  the  door  of  our  hero's  room.  Curiosity 


WITHOUT    PREJUDICE.  87 

took  him  in,  and  horror  chained  him  there  for  some 
time.  Had  he  not  entered,  Ginx's  Baby,  spite  of 
Snigger,  would  in  twenty-four  hours  have  ceased  to 
supply  facts  to  history.  He  was  suffering  from  low 
fever ;  and  his  condition  was  as  sensationally  shocking  as 
any  reporter  could  have  wished.  Out  rushed  the  peer 
fora  doctor ;  took  a  cab  to  a  magistrate,  and  detailed  the 
whole  case,  to  be  repeated  in  next  morning's  papers. 
Penny-a-liners  ran  to  the  spot,  wrote  vivid  descriptions 
of  the  baby  and  the  room,  and  transcribed  the  notice. 
The  guardians  were  drubbed  in  trenchant  leaders  and 
indignant  letters.  They,  instead  of  bending  to  the 
storm,  strove  to  confront  it,  and  passed  angry  resolutions 
of  a  childish  and  grotesque  character.  The  few  of  them 
who  possessed  any  sense  of  propriety  were  railed  at  in 
the  meetings  till  they  ceased  to  attend.  The  uproar 
outside  increased.  Why  did  not  the  president  of  the, 
poor-law  board  interfere  ?  At  last  he  did  interfere  ; 
that  is,  instead  of  visiting  the  scene  himself,  and  satis 
fying  his  own  eyes  as  to  the  truth  of  what  his  ears  had 
heard,  —  a  process  that  would  have  taken  a  couple  of 
hours,  —  he  appointed  a  gentleman  to  hold  an  inquiry. 
The  guardians  became  furious.  The  reports  of  their 
proceedings  read  like  the  vagaries  of  a  lunatic-asylum 
or  the  deliberations  of  the  American  Senate.  They 
discharged  Snigger  for  breach  of  orders,  substituting  a 
relative  of  Mr.  Stink.  They  put  a  lock  on  the  door,  and 
passed  food  to  the  baby  by  a  stick.  A  committee  was 
appointed  to  see  him  fed ;  and  they  forwarded  a  memorial 
to  the  poor-law  board,  stating  that  "  he  daily  had  more 
food  than  he  could  possibly  eat,  and  was  in  admirable 
condition."  They  refused  to  allow  any  doctor  but  one 


88  GIXX?S    BABY. 

employed  by  themselves  to  see  him.  They  procured 
from  him  a  certificate  that  the  noble  busybody  and  his 
physician  had  made  a  mistake,  and  that  all  the  functions 
of  life  in  the  infant  appeared  to  be  in  perfect  order. 
Then  came  the  gentleman  and  the  inquiry,  and  his 
report,  and  a  letter  from  the  poor-law  board,  and 
further  discussions  and  more  letters,  until  the  bewildered 
public  gnashed  its  teeth  at  the  minister,  the  guardians, 
and  the  law,  and  wished  them  all  at  Land's  End,  or 
beyond  it. 


V.  —  AN  UNGODLY  JUNGLE. 

THE  case  of  the  Guardians  of  St.  Bartimeus  against 
the  Guardians  of  St.  Simon  Magus  was  at  length  reached. 
The  argument  lasted  for  two  days.  There  is  a  grim 
work,  the  short  title  whereof  is  "  Burns's  Justice,"  in 
five  fat  volumes,  from  which  the  legal  Dryasdust  turns 
aghast.  In  one  of  these  portentous  books,  title  "  Poor," 
pp.  1200,  the  inquisitive  may  find  a  code  unrivalled 
by  the  most  malignant  ingenuity  of  former  or  contem 
porary  nations,  —  a  code  wherein,  by  gradual  accre 
tion,  has  been  framed  a  system  of  relief  to  poverty 
and  distress  so  impolitic,  so  unprincipled,  that  none  but 
the  dryest,  mustiest,  most  petrified  parish-official  could 
be  expected  to  lift  up  his  voice  to  defend  it ;  so  compli 
cated,  that  no  man  under  heaven  knows  its  length  or 
breadth  or  height  or  depth :  yet  it  stands  to  this  hour 
a  monument  of  English  stolidity,  a  marvel  of  lazy  or 
ignorant  statesmanship.  Imagine,  if  you  please,  a  lord 


AN   UNGODLY   JUNGLE.  89 

cliief  justice  and  three  puisnes,  all  keen,  practical  men, 
alive  to  public  policy  and  the  common-weal,  eager  to  ex 
tricate  the  truth  and  do  the  right,  plunging  into  this 
"  ungodly  jungle,"  thwarted  at  every  turn  in  search  of 
justice  for  Ginx's  Baby.  With  all  his  patient  industry 
and  lightning  quickness  of  apprehension,  the  chief  jus 
tice  found  it  hard  to  reconcile  past  and  present,  or  evolve 
from  the  vast  confusion  any  thing  consistent  with  his 
moral  instincts. 

Clear  the  board,  gentlemen !  True  regenerative 
legislation  will  begin  by  drawing  away  the  rubbish. 
Reform  means  more  than  repair.  Mend,  patch ;  take 
down  a  little  here,  prop  up  some  tottering  nuisance 
there ;  fill  in  gaping  chinks  with  patent  legislative  cem 
ent  ;  coat  old  facades  with  bright  paint ;  hide  decay  be 
neath  a  gloze  of  novelty ;  titivate,  decorate,  /urbish,  — 
and,  after  all,  your  house  is  not  a  new  one,  but  a  whited 
sepulchre  shaking  to  decay.  Repair  ?  There  is  a  Repair 
party,  intermediating  between  Tories  and  Reformers,  — 
Radicals  or  Rooters  let  us  call  these  latter,  if  you  like,  — 
who  cling  to  "  vested  interests  "  and  all  other  sorts  of 
antique  nuisances,  yet  say  they  are  willing  to  improve 
them.  REFOKM,  which  means,  pull  down  with  bold 
statesman's  hand,  and  with  like  hand  REBUILD,  is  no  dar 
ling  of  your  political  repairer.  Call  the  party  and  the 
men  by  their  right  names ;  and  give  me,  for  utility  in 
legislation  or  administrative  action,  an  old  Tory  and 
obstructive  party,  rather  than  this  middling,  meddling, 
muddling  repairer,  — 

"  Eager  to  change,  yet  fearful  to  destroy." 


90  GINX'S    BABY. 

Just  now,  all  social  reformation,  in  its  noblest  aims 
and  attempts,  is  fettered  by  the  Repair  party.  What  is 
termed  sanitary  reform  is  enfeebled,  and  the  vigor 
withdrawn  from  it,  by  this  party.  "  Tested  rights," 
"  the  liberty  of  the  people,"  "  interference  with  personal 
freedom,"  "EXPENSE,"  —  these  are  the  watchwords  of 
the  Repairer,  in  opposition  to  him,  who,  pointing  to  the 
pallor  and  fever  of  a  hundred  neighborhoods,  calls  upon 
a  ministry  to  cleanse  them  with  imperial  force. 

A  comprehensive  scheme  of  national  education  is 
seized  and  half  throttled  by  the  Repair  party.  "  Oh ! 
utilize  what  there  is ;  improve  on  and  tack  to  the  de 
nominational  system ;  avail  yourself  of  the  jealousy  of 
sects ;  see  what  a  grand  building  that  has  already 
erected  I  True,  it  is  not  large  enough  ;  true,  it  is  badly 
built :  but  repair  that,  and  add  wings.  It  will  cost  you 
ever  so  mi^ch  to  rebuild.  Repair !  " 

The  methods  of  relief  to  the  poor  are  old,  cumbrous, 
unequal,  —  as  stupid  as  those  who  administer  them. 
Forth  steps  the  reformer,  and  cries  out,  "  Clear  this 
wrack  away  !  Get  rid  of  your  antiquated  Bumbledom, 
your  parochial  and  non-parochial  distinctions,  your  com 
plicated  map  of  local  authorities ;  re-distribute  the  king 
dom  on  some  more  practical  system,  redress  the  injustice 
of  unequal  rating,  improve  the  machinery  and  spirit  of 
relief,  and  so  on."  You  have  the  Repair  party  shouting 
its  Non  possumus  as  loudly  as  any  other  arch-obstruc 
tive  :  "  Heaven  forbid  !  Queen  Elizabeth  and  the  poor- 
laws  forever  !  To  the  rescue  of  local  government  and 
vested  interests  !  Repair  !  " 

Some  one  with  a  long  head  and  a  divinely-warmed 
heart,  searching  vainly  for  help  to  thousands  in  the 


AN    UNGODLY   JUNGLE.  91 

packed  alleys  of  his  English  home,  sends  his  quick 
glance  across  seas  to  rich  lands  that  daily  cry  to  heaven 
for  strong  arms  that  wield  the  plough  and  spade. 
"  Ho  !  "  he  shouts,  "  labor  to  land ;  starvation  to  pro 
duction  ;  death  unto  life  !  "  And  he  calls  upon  every 
statesman  and  patriot  to  help  the  good  work,  and  give 
their  energies  to  frame  an  emigration  scheme.  Then 
the  Repair  party  foams :  "  Send  away  the  labor,  the 
source  of  our  wealth  ?  No !  Mend  the  condition  of  the 
laborer ;  give  him  the  sop  of  political  rights,  —  free  break 
fasts,  the  ballot.  Give  State  funds  to  alter  social  con 
ditions  ?  No !  Improve  the  methods  of  local  assistance 
to  emigration  :  it  is  a  temporary  remedy.  Repair !  " 

Thus,  according  to  the  gospel  of  this  party,  every  thing 
must  be  subject  of  restoration  only.  Like  antiquarians, 
they  utter  groans  over  the  abolition  of  any  thing,  however 
ugly  it  may  be,  however  unfitted  for  human  uses,  and 
with  however  so  elegant  a  piece  of  artistry  you  desire  to 
displace  it.  For  them  a  Gilbert  Scott  politician,  rever 
ential  restorer  of  bygone  styles,  enthusiastic  to  conserve 
and  amend  the  grotesque  Gothic  policies  of  the  past, 
rather  than  some  Brunei  or  Stephenson  statesman,  engi 
neering  in  novel  mastery  of  circumstances,  —  not  fearful 
to  face  and  conquer  even  the  antique  impediments  of 
Nature.  Give  me  a  trenchant  statesman,  or,  I  pray  you, 
leave  legislation  alone.  Better  things  as  they  are  than 
patched  to  distraction. 


At  length,  by  means  of  some  delicate  legal  adjust 
ments,  the  judges  saw  their  way  to  affirming  that  Ginx's 
Baby's  parish  was  that  of  St.  Bartimeus,  and  refused  the 
rule  for  a  mandamus. 


92 


VI.— PAROCHIAL  BENEVOLENCE;  AND  ANOTHER  TRANSLATION. 

THE  authorities  of  St.  Bartimeus  did  not  take  kindly  to 
the  charge  imposed  upon  them  by  the  Queen's  Bench. 
Some  of  the  guardians  privately  hinted  to  the  master 
that  it  was  unnecessary  to  overfeed  the  infant.  They 
did  not  burthen  him  with  much  clothing ;  and  what  he 
had  was  shared  with  many  lively  companions.  When 
you,  good  matron,  look  at  your  little  pink-cheeked  daugh 
ter,  so  clean  and  so  cosey  in  her  pretty  cot,  waking  to  see 
the  well-faced  nurse,  or  you,  still  sweeter  to  her  eyes, 
watching  above  her  dreams,  perhaps  you  ought  to  stop 
a  moment  to  contrast  the  scene  with  the  sad  tableaux 
you  may  get  sight  of  not  far  away.  .  .  .  Ginx's  Baby 
was  not  an  ill-favored  child.  He  had  inherited  his  fa 
ther's  frame  and  strength  :  these  helped  him  through  the 
changes  we  are  relating.  What  if  these  capacities  had, 
by  simple  nourishing  food,  cleanly  care-taking,  and 
brighter,  kindlier  associations,  been  trained  into  full 
working  order  ?  Left  alone  or  ill  tended,  they  were  daily 
dwindling ;  and  the  depreciation  was  going  on  not  solely 
at  the  expense  of  little  Ginx,  but  of  the  whole  com 
munity.  To  reduce  his  strength  one-half  was  to  reduce 
one-half  his  chances  of  independence,  and  to  multiply 
the  prospects  of  his  continuous  application  for  STATE 

AID. 

The  money  spent  in  stopping  a  hole  in  a  Dutch  dike 
is  doubtless  better  invested  than  if  it  were  to  be  re 
tained  until  a  vast  breach  had  laid  half  a  kingdom  under 
water.  Surely  your  Hollander  would  agree  to  be 
mulcted  in  one-third  of  his  fortune  rather  than  run  the 
hazard. 


PAROCHIAL   BENEVOLENCE.  93 

Every  day  through  this  wealthy  country  there  are 
men  and  women  busy  marring  the  little  images  of  God 
that  are  by  and  by  to  be  part  of  its  public,  shadowing 
young  spirits,  repressing  their  energy,  sapping  their  vigor 
or  failing  to  make  it  up,  corrupting  their  nature  by  foul 
associations  moral  and  physical.  Some  are  doing  it  by 
special  license  of  the  Devil,  others  by  act  of  Parliament, 
others  by  negligence  or  niggardliness.  Could  you  teach 
or  force  these  people  —  many  unconsciously  engaged  in 
the  vile  work  —  to  run  together,  as  men  alarmed  by 
sudden  danger,  and  throw  around  a  helpless  generation 
influences  and  a  care  more  akin  to  your  own  home-ideal, 
would  you  not  transfigure  the  next  epoch  ?  would  not 
your  labor  and  sacrifice  be  a  GOD-WORK,  reaching  out 
weighty,  fruit-laden  branches  far  into  the  grateful  future  ? 
'Tis  by  feeling  and  enjoining  everywhere  the  need  of 
such  a  movement  as  this  that  you,  O  all-powerful 
woman !  can  carry  your  will  into  the  play  of  a  great 
economic  and  social  reform.  Society  that  recognizes  not 
a  root-truth  like  that  is  sowing  the  wind  :  God  knows 
what  it  will  reap. 

So  the  guardians,  keeping  carefully  within  the  law, 
neglected  nothing  that  could  sap  little  Ginx's  vitality, 
deaden  his  happiest  instincts,  derange  moral  action,  cause 
hope  to  die  within  his  infant  breast  almost  as  soon  as  it 
were  born.  Good  God  ! 

The  items  the  board  were  really  entitled  to  charge 
the  rate-payers  as  supplied  to  our  hero  were  — 

Dirt, 

Fleas, 

Foul  air, 

Chances  of  catching  skin-diseases,  fevers,  &c., 


94  GINX'S   BABY. 

Vile  company, 

Neglect, 

Occasional  cruelty,  and 

A  small  supply  of  bad  food  and  clothing. 
Every  pauper  was  to  them  an  obnoxious  charge,  by  any 
and  every  means  to  be  reduced  to  a  minimum  or  nil. 
Ginx's  Baby  was  reduced  to  a  minimum.  His  constitu 
tion  enabled  him  to  protest  against  reduction  to  nil. 
But  just  after  the  bills  of  costs  had  been  taxed,  mulct 
ing  the  rate-payers  of  St.  Bartimeus  in  a  sum  of  more 
than  £1,600,  the  guardians  were  made  aware  of  the 
name  and  origin  of  their  charge.  One  of  the  persons 
who  had  deserted  him  was  arrested  for  theft ;  and  among 
other  articles  in  her  possession  were  some  of  the  baby's 
clothes.  She  confessed  the  whole  story,  and  declared 
that  the  child  left  in  Nether  Place  was  no  other  than 
the  Protestant  Baby,  son  of  Ginx,  about  whom  so  much 
stir  had  been  made  two  years  before.  The  guardians 
were  not  long  in  tracing  Ginx  ;  and  at  his  quarters  in 
Rosemary  Street  the  hapless  changeling  was  one  day 
delivered  by  a  deputy  relieving-officer,  with  the  benedic 
tion,  by  me  sadly  recorded,  — 
"  There  he  is,  d — n  him  !  " 

I  am  sure,  if  the  guardians  had  been  there,  they  would 
have  said,  — 
"  Amen  1  " 


PART     IV. 

WHAT  THE  CLUBS  AND  POLITICIANS  DID  WITH 
HIM. 

I.  —  MOVED  ON.  »    < 

GINX'S  BABY'S  brothers  and  sisters  would  have 
nothing  to  say  to  him ;  Mrs.  Ginx  declared  she 
could  see  in  him  no  likeness  to  her  own  dear  lost  one ; 
and  her  husband  swore  that  the  brat  never  was  his. 
The  couple  had  latterly  been  pinching  themselves  and 
their  children  to  save  enough  to  emigrate.  For  this  pur 
pose,  aid  and  counsel  were  given  to  them  by  a  neighbor 
ing  curate,  whose  name,  were  my  pages  destined  to  im 
mortality,  should  be  printed  herein  golden  letters.  Rich 
and  full  will  be  his  sheaves  when  many  a  statesman 
reaps  tares.  Finding  that  a  thirteenth  child  was  im 
posed  on  them  by  so  superior  a  force  as  the  law  of  Eng 
land,  the  Ginxes  hastened  their  departure. 

Their  last  night  in  London,  towards  the  small  hours, 
Ginx,  carrying  our  hero,  went  along  Birdcage  Walk. 
He  scarcely  knew  where  he  was  going,  or  how  he  was 
about  to  dispose  of  his  burden  ;  but  he  meant  to  get  rid 
of  it.  On  he  went,  here  and  there  met  by  shadowy 
creatures,  who  came  towards  his  footsteps  in  the  uncer- 

95 


96  GINX'S    BABY. 


tain  darkness,  and,  when  they  could  see  that  he  was  no 
quarry  for  them,  flitted  away  again  into  the  night. 

He  passed  the  dingy  houses  (since  replaced  by  the 
Foreign  Office),  across  the  open  space  before  the  Horse 
Guards,  near  the  house  of  a  popular  prime-minister,  and 
up  the  broad  steps,  till  he  stood  under  the  York  Column. 

The  shadow  of  this  was  an  inviting  place  ;  but  a 
policeman,  turning  his  lantern  suspiciously  on  the  man 
walking  about  at  that  silent  hour  with  a  child  in  his 
arms,  frustrated  his  wish.  Slowly  Ginx  tramped  along 
Pall  Mall,  with  only  one  other  creature  stirring,  as  it 
seemed  for  the  moment,  —  a  gentleman  who  turned  up 
the  steps  of  a  large  building.  Seating  the  child  on  the 
bottom  step,  and  telling  him  not  to  cry,  Ginx  instantly 
crossed  the  road,  turned  into  St.  James's  Square,  passed 
by  the  rails,  and,  stealing  from  corner  to  corner  through 
the  mazes  of  that  locality,  reached  home  by  way  of 
Piccadilly  and  Grosvenor  Place.  Henceforth  this  history 
shall  know  him  no  more. 


n.  — CLUB  IDEAS. 

SCARCELY  had  the  shadow  of  his  parent  vanished 
in  the  gloom  before  Ginx's  Baby  piped  forth  a  lusty  pro 
test  :  the  street  rang  again.  Ere  long,  the  doors  at  the 
top  of  the  steps  swung  back,  and  a  portly  form  stood  in 
the  light. 

"  Halloo !  what's  the  matter  ?  "  (This  was  a  general 
observation  into  space.)  "  Why,  bless  my  heart !  here's 
a  child  crying  on  the  steps  !  " 

Another  form  appeared. 


CLUB    IDEAS.  97 

"  Is  there  nobody  with  it  ?    Halloo  !  any  one  there  ?  " 

No  answer  came  save  from  poor  little  Ginx ;  but  his 
was  decided.  The  two  servants  descended  the  steps, 
and  looked  at  the  miserable  boy  without  touching  him. 
Then  they  peered  into  the  darkness,  in  hope  that  they 
might  get  a  glimpse  of  his  mother  or  a  policeman.  A 
rapid  step  sounded  on  the  pavement,  and  a  gentleman 
came  up  to  the  group. 

"  What  have  we  here  ?  "  he  said  gently. 
*        "  It's  a  child,  Sir  Charles,  I  found  crying  on  the  steps. 
I  expect  it's  a  trick  to  get  rid  of  him.     We  are  looking 
for  a  policeman  to  take  him  away." 

"  Poor  little  fellow ! "  said  Sir  Charles,  stooping  to 
take  a  fair  look  at  Ginx's  Baby ;  "  for  you  and  such  as 
you  the  policeman  or  the  parish-officers  are  the  national 
guardians,  and  the  prison  or  the  poor-house  the  home. 
.  .  .  Bring  him  into  the  club,  Smirke." 

The  men  hesitated  a  moment  before  executing  so  un- 
)  wonted  a  demand ;  but  Sir  Charles  Sterling  was  a  man 
not  safely  to  be  thwarted,  —  a  late  minister,  and  a  mem 
ber  of  the  committee.  The  child,  being  carried  into  the 
magnificent  hall  of  the  club,  stood  on  its  mosaic  floor. 
From  above,  the  radiance  of  the  gas  "  sunlight " 
streamed  down  over  the  marble  pillars,  and  glanced  on 
gilded  cornices  and  panels  of  scagliola.  A  statue  of  the 
Queen  looked  upon  him  from  the  niche  that  opened  to 
the  dining-room ;  another  of  the  great  Puritan  soldier, 
statesman,  and  ruler,  with  his  stern,  massive  front ;  and 
yet  another,  with  the  strong  yet  gentle  features  of  the 
champion  free-trader,  seemed  to  regard  him  from  their 
several  corners.  On  the  walls  around  were  portraits  of 
men  who  had  striven  for  the  deliverance  of  the  people 
7 


98  GINX'S    BABY. 

from  ancient  yokes  and  fetters.  Of  course,  Ginx's  Baby 
did  not  see  all  this.  He,  poor  boy  !  dazed,  stood  with  a 
knuckle  in  his  eye,  while  the  porter,  lackeys,  Sir  Charles 
Sterling,  and  others  who  strolled  out  of  the  reading- 
room,  curiously  regarded  him.  But  any  one  observing 
the  scene  apart  might  have  contrasted  the  place  with 
the  child,  —  the  principles  and  the  professions  whereof 
this  grandeur  was  the  monument  and  consecrated  taber 
nacle  with  this  solitary  atomic  specimen  of  the  material 
whereon  they  were  to  work.  What  social  utility  had  re 
sulted  from  the  great  movements  initiated  by  them  who 
erected  and  frequented  this  place  ?  Ought  they  to  have 
had,  and  did  they  still  need,  a  complement  ?  While 
wonderful  political  changes  had  been  wrought,  and  bene 
fits  not  to  be  exaggerated  won  for  many  classes,  WHAT 

HAD   BEEN   DONE   FOR    GlNX'S    BABY? 

The  query  would  not  have  been  very  ridiculous.  He 
was  a  unit  of  the  British  Empire :  nothing  could  blot 
out  that  fact  before  heaven.  Had  any  thing  been  left 
undone  that  ought  to  have  been  done,  or  done  that  had 
well  been  left  undone,  or  were  better  to  be  undone  now  ? 
Of  a  truth,  that  was  worth  a  thought. 

"  What's  all  this  ?  "  said  a  big  member  of  Parliament, 
—  a  minister  renowned  for  economy  in  matters  financial 
and  intellectual.  "  What  are  you  doing  with  this 
youngster  ?  I  never  saw  such  an  irregularity  in  a  club 
in  my  life." 

"  If  you  saw  it  oftener,  you  would  think  more  about 
it,"  said  Sir  Charles  Sterling.  "  We  found  him  on  the 
steps.  I  think  he  was  asking  for  you,  Glibton." 

This  sally  turned  a  laugh  against  the  minister. 

"  Well,"  said  another,  "  he  has  come  to  the  wrong 
quarter  if  he  wants  money." 


CLUB    IDEAS.  99 

"  I  shouldn't  wonder,"  said  a  third,  "  if  he  were  one 
of  the  new  messengers  at  the  office  of  popular  edifices. 
Glibton  is  reducing  their  staff." 

"  If  that's  the  case,  I  think  you  have  reached  the 
minimum  here.  Glibton  !  "  cried  Sir  Charles.  "  Can't  the 
country  afford  a  livery  ?  " 

"  Bother  you  all ! "  replied  the  secretary,  who  was 
secretly  pleased  to  be  quizzed  for  his  peculiarities: 
"  tell  us  what  this  means.  Whose  <  lark '  is  it  ?  " 

"  No  lark  at  all,"  said  Sterling.  "  Here  is  a  problem 
for  you  and  all  of  us  to  solve.  This  forlorn  object  is  rep 
resentative,  and  stands  here  to-night  preaching  us  a 
serious  sermon.  He  was  deserted  on  the  club  steps,  — 
left  there,  perhaps,  as  a  piece  of  clever  irony :  he  might 
be  son  to  some  of  us.  What's  your  name,  my  boy  ?  " 

Ginx's  Baby  managed  to  say  "  Dunno  ! " 

"  Ask  him  if  he  has  any  name,"  said  an  Irish  ex- 
member  with  a  grave  face. 

Ginx's  Baby  to  this  question  responded  distinctly 
"No." 

"  No  name  ?  "  said  the  humorist :  "  then  the  author  of 
his  being  must  be  Wilkie  Collins." 

Everybody  laughed  at  this  indifferent  pleasantry  but 
our  hero.  His  bosom  began  to  heave  ominously . 

"  What's  to  be  done  with  him  ?  " 

"  Send  him  to  the  workhouse. " 

"  Send  him  to  the  D !  "  (there  may  be  brutality 

among  the  gods  and  goddesses,) 

"  Give  him  to  the  porter." 

"  No,  thank  you,  sir,"  said  he  promptly. 

The  gentlemen  were  turning  away,  when  Sir  Charles 
stopped  them. 


100  GINX'S    BABY. 


"  Look  here  !  "  he  said,  taking  the  boy's  arm,  and  bar 
ing  it  :  "  this  boy  can  hardly  be  called  a  human  being. 
See  what  a  thin  arm  he  has  !  how  flaccid  and  colorless 
the  flesh  seems  !  what  an  old  face  !  —  and  I  can  scarcely 
feel  any  pulse.  Good  heavens  !  get  him  some  wine.  A 
few  hours  will  send  him  to  the  D  -  sure  enough.  .  .  . 
What  are  we  to  do  for  him,  Glibton  ?  I  say  again,  he 
is  only  part  of  a  great  problem.  There  must  be  hun 
dreds  of  thousands  growing  up  like  this  child  ;  and 
what  a  generation  to  contemplate  in  all  its  relations  and 
effects  !  " 

The  gentlemen  were  dashed  by  his  earnestness. 

"  Oh  !  you're  exaggerating,"  said  Glibton  :  "  there 
can't  be  such  widespread  misery.  Why,  if  there  were, 
the  people  would  be  wrecking  our  houses." 

"  Ah  !  "  replied  the  other  sadly,  "  will  you  wait  to  be 
convinced  by  that  sort  of  thing  before  you  believe  in 
their  misery  ?  I  assure  you,  what  I  say  is  true.  I  could 
bring  you  a  hundred  clergymen  to  testify  to  it  to-morrow 
morning." 

"  God  forbid  !  "  said  Glibton.     '<  Good-night  !  " 

The  right  honorable  gentleman  extinguished  the 
subject  in  his  own  little  brain  with  his  big  hat  :  but 
everywhere  else  the  sparks  are  still  aglow  ;  and  he,  with 
all  like  him,  may  wake  up  suddenly,  as  frightened 
women  in  the  night,  to  find  themselves  environed  in  the 
red  glare  of  a  popular  conflagration.  Well  for  them 
then  if  they  are  not  in  charge  of  the  State  machinery. 
What  an  hour  will  that  be  for  hurrying  to  and  fro  with 
water-pipes  and  buckets,  when  proper  forethought, 
diligence,  and  sacrifice  would  have  made  the  building 
.ireproof  1 


A  THOROUGH-PACED  REFORMER.      101 


m.— A  THOROUGH-PACED  REFORMER,  IF  NOT  A  REVOLUTION  ART. 
BYthe  kindness  and  influence  of  Sir  Charles  Sterling 

o' 

Ginx's  Baby,  that  night,  and  long  after,  found  shelter  in 
the  Radical  Club.  He  gave  rise  to  a  discussion  in  the 
smoking-room  next  evening  that  ought  to  be  chronicled. 
Several  members  of  the  committee  supported  his  bene 
factor  in  urging  that  the  child  should  be  adopted  by  the 
club  as  a  pledge  of  their  resolve  to  make  the  questions 
of  which  he  seemed  to  be  the  embodied  emblem  subjects 
of  legislative  action.  Others  said  that  those  questions 
being,  in  their  view,  social,  and  not  political,  were  not 
proper  ones  to  give  impulse  to  a  party-movement ;  and 
that  the  entertainment  in  the  club  of  this  foundlino- 

o 

would  be  a  gross  irregularity  :  they  did  not  want  sam 
ples  of  the  material  respecting  which  they  were  theoriz 
ing.  To  some  of  the  latter  Sir  Charles  had  been  insist 
ing,  that,  whether  they  kept  the  child  or  not,  they  could 
not  stille  the  questions  excited  by  his  condition. 

"You  may  delay,  but  you  cannot  dissipate  them. 
We  are  filling  up  our  sessions  with  party-struggles, 
theoretic  discussions,  squabbles  about  foreign  politics, 
debates  on  political  machinery,  while  year  by  year  the 
condition  of  the  people  is  becoming  more  invidious  and 
full  of  peril.  Social  and  political  reform  ought  to.  be 
linked :  the  people  on  whom  you  confer  new  political 
rights  cannot  enjoy  them  without  health  and  well- 
being." 

"  But  all  our  legislation  is  directed  to  that !  "  ex 
claimed  Mr.  Joshua  Hale.  "  Reform,  free  trade,  free 
corn,  —  have  these  not  enhanced  the  wealth  of  the  peo 
ple?" 


102  GINX'S    BABY. 

"  Partially ;  yet  there  are  classes  unregenerated  by 
their  reviving  influences.  Free  trade  cannot  insure  work, 
nor  can  free  corn  provide  food,  for  every  citizen." 

"  Nor  any  other  legislation :  let  us  be  practical.  I 
own  there  is  much  to  be  done.  I  have,  often  stated  my 
1  platform.'  We  must  clip  the  enormous  expenditure  on 
soldiers  and  ships  ;  reduce  our  overweening  army  of  dip 
lomatic  spies  and  busybodies ;  abstain  from  meddling 
in  everybody's  quarrels ;  redeem  from  taxation  the  work 
man's  necessaries,  —  a  free  breakfast-table ;  peremptorily 
legislate  against  the  custom  of  primogeniture ;  encourage 
the  distribution  and  transfer  of  land ;  and,  under  the 
segis  of  the  ballot,  protect  from  the  tyranny  of  the  land 
lord  and  employer  their  tenants  and  workmen." 

"  Very  good,  perhaps,  all  of  them,"  replied  Sir  Charles  ; 
"  but  some  not  at  the  moment  possible,  and  all  together 
are  not  exhaustive.  Why  do  you  not  go  to  the  bottom 
of  social  needs  ?  You  say  nothing  about  health  legis 
lation  :  are  you  indifferent  to  the  sanitary  condition  of 
the  people  ?  You  have  not  hinted  at  education, 
waste  lands,  emigration  "  — 

"  Oh !  I  am  opposed  to  that  altogether." 

"  I  forgot :  you  are  a  manufacturer,  yet  the  last  man 
of  whom  I  should  believe  that  selfishness  had  warped 
the  judgment.  You  have  done  and  endured  more  than 
any  living  statesman  for  the  advantage  of  your  fellow- 
citizens,  so  that  I  will  not  cast  at  you  the  aspersion  of 
class-blindness.  Still  I  can  scarcely  think  you  have 
looked  at  this  matter  in  the  pure  light  of  patriotism,  and 
not  within  the  narrow  scope  of  trade  interests." 

"  Quite  unjust.  Our  best  economists  reprehend  the 
policy  of  depleting  our  labor-market.  Emigration  is  a 


A  THOROUGH-PACED  REFORMER.      103 

timely  remedy  for  adversity,  and  to  be  very  sparingly 
used.  Labor  is  our  richest  vein  "  — 

"  We  may  have  too  much  of  it.  Take  it  as  a  fact, 
that  you  now  have  more  than  you  can  use,  and  the  unem 
ployed  part  is  starving :  what  will  you  do  with  them  ?  " 

"  That  is  a  mere  temporary  and  casual  depression,  to 
which  all  classes  are  liable  "  — 

"  But,"  said  Sir  Charles,  "  which  none  can  so  ill  bear. 
Nay,  what  if  it  is  permanent  ?  x  You  look  to  increased 
trade.  Do  you  suppose  we  are  to  retain  our  manufac- 
f  turing  pre-eminence,  when  every  country,  new  and  old, 
is  competing  with  us  ?  Can  our  trade,  I  ask  you  hon 
estly  to  consider,  increase  at  the  rate  of  our  population  ? 
Besides,  for  Heaven's  sake,  look  at  the  thing  as  a  man  I 
Grant  that  we  have  a  hundred  thousand  men  out  of 
work,  and  hundreds  of  thousands  more  dependent  on 
them :  do  you  think  it  no  small  thing  that  the  vast 
mass  should  be  left  for  one,  two,  three  years,  seething  in 
sorrow  and  distress,  while  they  are  waiting  for  trade  ? 
By  the  time  that  comes,  they  may  have  gone  beyond  the 
hope  of  rescue.  Ah  !  if  an  elastic  trade  comes  back  to 
morrow,  you  can  never  make  those  people  what  they 
were  :  ought  we  not  to  have  forecast  that  they  should 
not  be  what  they  are  ?  But  I  contend  that  depression 
has  become  chronic,  the  poverty  more  wide-spread  and 
persistent:  how,  then,  shall  we,  who  represent  these 
classes  among  the  rest,  face  the  prospect  ?  " 

Here  interposed  a  gentleman  high  in  office,  a  pure, 
keen,  rigid  economist  of  the  highest  intellectual  and  po 
litical  rank. 

"  My  dear  Sterling,  pardon  me  if  I  say  you  are  talk 
ing  wildly.  Perhaps  you  don't  see  that  you  are  verging 


104  GINX'S    BABY. 

on  rank  communism.  The  working  of  economic  laws 
can  be  as  infallibly  projected  as  a  solar  eclipse.  You 
can  secure  no  class  from  periodic  calamity,  and  so  regu 
late  laws  of  supply  and  demand  by  guiding-wheels  of 
legislation  and  taxation  as  to  save  every  man  from  pen 
ury.  You  wish  us  to  send  away  our  bone  and  sinew  be 
cause  we  have  no  present  employment  for  it ;  and  next 
year,  or  the  year  after,  under  a  recovered  trade,  you  will 
be  wringing  your  hands,  and  cursing  the  folly  that 
prompted  you  to  do  it." 

"  I  should  be  too  glad  of  the  opportunity,"  replied  Sir 
Charles  sturdily :  "  but,  in  truth,  there  is  an  incubus  of 
excessive  numbers,  that  no  revival  of  trade  will  provide 
for,  even  if  it  is  beyond  our  extremest  hopes ;  and  I,  for 
one,  will  not  be  guilty  of  the  inhumanity  of  keeping  fel 
low-creatures  in  misery  till  we  can  find  a  use  for  them. 
You  have  forgotten  that  there  are  other  economic  laws 
besides  those  you  glance  at.  Several  millions  of  acres  of 
unoccupied  land,  belonging,  in  a  sense,  to  the  people  of 
this  country,  are  to  be  kept  untilled  in  defiance  of  the 
plainest  policy  that  Nature  and  God  have  indicated  to 
us ;  namely,  that  labor  should  come  in  contact  with  land. 
For  want  of  this  conjunction,  our  colonies  are  to  be 
checked,  while  at  home  miserable  millions  are  gaping  for 
work  and  food." 

"  Oh !  let  them  take  themselves  out.  There  are  too 
many  going  already.  They  will  follow  natural  laws ;  and 
where  labor  is  required,  thither  the  stream  will  flow." 

"  Mere  surface-talk,  my  clever  friend,"  replied  the 
other.  "  The  men  who  are  trooping  out  at  their  own 
expense  are  our  most  sober,  careful,  and  energetic  work 
men  ;  else  they  could  not  go.  They  go  because  here  so 


A   THOROUGH-PACED    REFORMER.  105 

many  indifferent  ones  are  weighing  down  their  shoulders. 
And  where  do  most  of  them  go  to  ?  Not  to  strengthen 
and  develop  our  colonies,  but  the  United  States,  —  a  not 
always  friendly  people,  and,  just  now,  your  free-trader's 
bugbear." 

"  Well,  well,"  said  the  minister,  "  drop  that  question. 
It's  utterly  impracticable  at  this  time.  We  couldn't  en 
tertain  the  demand  for  State-help  for  an  instant.  I  tell 
you  again,  you're  a  Fourierite.  You  virtually  propose 
to  put  your  hand  in  the  pocket  of  the  upper  classes  to 
pay  all  sorts  of  expenses  for  the  lower." 

"  You  may  call  me  a  communist,  if  you  please,"  re 
plied  Sir  Charles  Sterling  :  "  I  do  not  shrink  from  shad 
ows.  Perhaps  I  am  in  favor  of  something  nearer  to  com 
munism  than  our  present  form  of  society.  One  thing  I 
am  clear  about :  no  state  of  society  is  healthy  wherein 
every  man  does  not  own  himself  to  be  the  guardian  of 
the  interests  of  the  community,  as  well  as  his  own  ; 
does  not  see  that  he  is  bound,  morally,  and  as  a  matter 
of  public  policy,  to  add  to  his  neighbor's  well-being  as 
well  as  his  own.  Does  not  society,  by  its  protection  and 
aggregation,  make  it  possible  for  the  rich  to  grow  rich, 
the  genius  and  the  ambitious  man  to  pursue  their  aims, 
the  merchant  to  gather  his  vails,  the  noble  to  enjoy  his 
lands  ?  For  these  privileges  there  is  more  or  less  to 
pay ;  and  it  may  be  that  the  proper  proportion  which  the 
capable  classes  should  be  called  upon  to  contribute  to  the 
common-weal  has  never  been  correctly  adjusted.  The 
first-fruit  of  practical  Christianity  was  community  of 
goods ;  and,  but  for  human  selfishness,  we  might  hope 
for  a  Utopian  era ;  when,  while  it  should  be  ruled,  that 
if  a  man  would  not  work,  neither  should  he  eat,  there 


106  GINX'S    BABY. 

should  also  be  brought  home  to  every  man  the  care  of 
his  poorer  or  weaker  or  less  competent  brother.  I  never 
expect  to  see  that.  I  do  hope  to  see  the  men  of  greatest 
ability  pay  more  generously  for  the  privileges  they  en 
joy.  The  best  policy  for  them  too.  The  better  the  con 
dition  of  the  general  community,  the  better  for  them 
selves.  You  cannot  alarm  me  with  epithets.  But  these 
views  are,  happily,  not  essential  to  the  support  of  the 
emigration  policy." 

"  Oh,  dear !  oh,  dear !  mad  as  a  March  hare  ! "  cried 
the  minister  as  he  stumped  from  the  room. 

"  Sterling  is  a  good  fellow,"  said  he  to  a  colleague  with 
whom  he  walked  down  Pall  Mall,  "  and  a  thorough 
paced  Liberal.  Besides,  he  carries  great  weight  in  the 
House.  But  he  is  an  enthusiast,  and  therefore  not 
always  quite  practical." 

By  practical,  the  minister  meant,  not  that  which  might 
well  and  to  advantage  be  done  if  good  and  able  men 
would  resolve  to  do  it,  spite  of  all  hinderances,  but  that 
which,  upon  a  cunning  review  of  party  balances  and  a 
judicious  probing  of  public  opinion,  seemed  to  be  a  poli 
cy  fit  for  his  party  to  pursue.  The  first,  original  and 
masterly  statesmen  are  needed  to  initiate  and  perform  : 
the  other  is  simply  the  art  of  a  genius  who  knows  how 
most  adroitly  to  manipulate  people  and  circumstances. 


IV.— VERY  BROAD  VIEWS. 

SIR  CHARLES  STERLING,  Mr.  Joshua  Hale,  and 
others  continued  the  conversation  interrupted  by  the  min 
ister's  exit,  —  what  was  to  be  done  with  Ginx's  Baby  ? 


VERY   BROAD   VIEWS.  107 

In  the  great  dissected  map  of  society,  what  niches  were 
cut  out  for  him,  and  all  like  him,  to  fill  V  Most  of  the 
politicians  were  for  leaving  that  to  himself  to  find  out. 
The  term,  "  law  of  supply  and  demand,"  was  freely  ban 
died  between  them,  as  it  is  in  many  journals  nowadays, 
with  little  object  save  to  shut  up  avenues  of  discussion 
by  a  high-sounding  phrase. 

Then,  of  these  "  statesmen,"  most  clung,  if  not  to  self- 
interest,  to  personal  crotchets.  What  is  more  darling  to 
a  man  than  the  child  of  his  intellect  or  fancy  ?  How  the 
poor  poetaster  hugs  his  tawdry  verses,  as  if  they  were  the 
imperial  ornaments  of  genius !  Just  in  the  same  way 
does  the  politician  love  the  policies  himself  hath  devised, 
pressing  them  forward  at  all  hazards,  while  he  is  blind 
to  the  utility  of  others.  This  is  the  basis  of  that  aspect 
of  selfishness  which  often  mars,  in  the  approbation  of  a 
country,  a  really  honest  statesmanship,  —  an  egotistic 
tenacity  of  one's  own  creature  as  the  best,  which  yet  is 
not  the  criminal  selfishness  of  ambition.  Still,  that  ego 
tism  is  not  seldom  disastrous  to  the  people's  interests. 
While  these  statesmen  nursed  their  own  bantlings,  and 
held  them  up  to  national  notice,  they  were  apt  to  avoid, 
or  too  lightly  regard,  the  views  of  men  as  able  as  them 
selves.  For  instance,  Joshua  Hale  —  who  is  far  above 
these  remarks  generally  —  had  put  forth  a  scheme  for 
the  solution  of  the  St.  Helena  property  question,  —  very 
likely  a  good  one,  albeit  revolutionary  ;  and  nothing 
would  convince  him  that  any  other  could  succeed..  He 
wished  every  man  in  St.  Helena  (a  turbulent  adjunct 
of  the  British  Empire)  to  be  a  landowner;  and,  I  do 
think,  neither  desired  nor  hoped  that  any  man  in  that 
island  should  be  happy  until  he  was  one.  Yet  there 


108  GINX?S    BABY. 

were  other  men  ready  to  offer  simpler  remedies,  and  to 
prove,  that,  if  every  man  in  St.  Helena  became  a  land 
owner,  it  would  become  a  very  hell  upon  earth,  and  more 
unmanageable  than  it  was  before.  If  these  gentlemen 
do  not  sacrifice  their  pet  fancies  for  the  sake  of  a  settle 
ment,  what  will  become  of  St.  Helena  ? 

Just  now  they  were  discussing  Ginx's  Baby.  One 
thought  that  repeal  of  the  poor-laws  and  a  new  system 
of  relief  would  reach  his  case  ;  another  saw  the  root  of 
the  baby's  sorrow  in  trades'  unions ;  a  third  pro 
pounded  co-operative  manufactures ;  a  fourth  suggested 
that  a  vast  source  of  income  lay  untouched  in  the  seas 
about  the  kingdom  which  swarmed  with  porpoises,  and 
showed  how  certain  parts  of  these  animals  were  avail 
able  for  food,  others  for  leather,  others  for  a  delicious 
oil  that  would  be  sweeter  and  more  pleasant  than  butter  ; 
a  fifth  desired  a  law  to  repress  the  tendency  of  Scotch 
peers  to  evict  tenants,  and  convert  arable  lands  into 
sheep-walks  and  deer-forests ;  a  sixth  maintained  that 
there  were  waste  lands  in  the  kingdom,  of  capacity  to 
support  hungry  millions.  In  fact,  earth,  heaven,  and 
seas  were  to  be  regenerated  by  act  of  Parliament  for 
the  benefit  of  Ginx's  Baby  and  the  people  of  England. 
Sir  Charles  listened  impatiently,  and  at  last  burst  forth 
again. 

He  said,  "  When  you  consider  it,  what  we  are  all 
trying  to  do  nowadays  is  —  vulgarly  —  to  improve  the 
breed ;  but  we  go  to  work  in  a  roundabout  way.  At 
the  outset,  we  are  met  by  the  depreciated  state  of  part 
of  the  existing  generation ;  and  one  problem  is  to  pre 
vent  these  depreciated  people  from  increasing,  or  to  get 
them  to  increase  healthily.  No  one  seems  to  have  gone 


VERY   BROAD   VIEWS.  109 

directly  to  such  a  problem  as  that.  The  difficulties  to 
be  faced  are  tremendous.  Your  dirtiest  British  young 
ster  is  hedged  round  with  principles  of  an  inviolable  lib 
erty  and  rights  of  habeas  corpus.  You  let  his  father 
and  mother,  or  any  one  who  will  save  you  the  trouble 
of  looking  after  him,  mould  him  in  his  years  of  tender 
ness  as  they  please.  If -they  happen  to  leave  him  a 
walking  invalid,  you  take  him  into  the  poorhouse ;  if 
they  bring  him  up  a  thief,  you  whip  him,  and  keep  him 
at  high  cost  at  Millbank  or  Dartmoor ;  if  his  passions, 
never  controlled,  break  out  into  murder  and  rape,  you 
may  hang  him,  unless  his  crime  has  been  so  atrocious  as 
to  attract  the  benevolent  interest  of  the  Home  Secre 
tary  ;  if  he  commit  suicide,  you  hold  a  coroner's  inquest, 
which  also  costs  money ;  and,  however  he  dies,  you  give 
him  a  deal  coffin,  and  bury  him.  Yet  I  may  prove  to 
you  that  this  being,  whom  you  treat  like  a  dog  at  a  fair, 
never  had  a  day's,  no,  nor  an  hour's,  contact  with  good 
ness,  purity,  truth,  or  even  human  kindness  ;  never  had 
an  opportunity  of  learning  any  thing  better.  What 
right  have  you,  then,  to  hunt  him  like  a  wild  beast,  and 
kick  him  and  whip  him,  and  fetter  him,  and  hang  him  by 
expensive  complicated  machinery,  when  you  have  done 
nothing  to  teach  him  any  of  the  duties  of  a  citizen  ? 

"  Stop,  stop,  Sir  Charles  !  you  are  too  virulent.  There 
are  endless  means  of  improving  your  lad,  —  charities 
without  number  "  — 

"  Yes,  that  will  never  reach  him." 

"  Never  mind :  they  may,  you  know.  Industrial 
schools,  reformatories,  asylums,  hospitals,  Peabody- 
buildings,  poor-laws.  Everybody  is  working  to  improve 
the  condition  of  the  poor  man.  Sanitary  administration 
goes  to  his  house,  and  makes  it  habitable." 


110     .  GINX'S   BABY. 


"  Very  !  "  interjected  Sir  Charles  Sterling  dryly. 

"Factory-laws  protect  and  educate  factory-chil 
dren  "  — 

"  They  don't  educate  in  one  case  out  of  ten.  They 
don't  feed  them,  clothe  them,  give  them  amusement  and 
cultivation,  do  they  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not  !     That  would  be  ridiculous  !  " 

"  Why,  the  question  is,  whether  that  would  be  ridicu 
lous,"  replied  Sir  Charles.  "  I  do  not  say  it  can  be 
done  ;  but,  in  order  to  transform  the  next  generation, 
what  we  should  aim  at  is  to  provide  substitutes  for  bad 
homes,  evil  training,  unhealthy  air,  food  and  dulness, 
and  terrible  ignorance,  in  happier  scenes,  better  teach 
ing,  proper  conditions  of  physical  life,  sane  amusements, 
and  a  higher  cultivation.  I  dare  say  you  would  think 
me  a  lunatic  if  I  proposed  that  government  should  es 
tablish  music-halls  and  gymnasia  all  over  the  country  ; 
but  you,  Mr.  'Fissure,  voted  for  the  baths  and  wash- 
houses." 

"  Who's  to  pay  for  all  this  ?  "  asked  Mr.  Fissure 
pertinently. 

"  The  State,  which  means  society  ;  the  whole  of  which 
is  directly  interested.  I  tell  you,  a  million  of  children 
are  crying  to  us  to  set  them  free  from  the  despotism  of 
a  crime  and  ignorance  protected  by  law." 

"  That  is  striking  ;  but  you  are  treading  on  delicate 
ground.  The  liberty  of  the  subject  "  — 

"  Exactly  what  I  expected  you  to  say.  These  words 
can  be  used  in  defence  of  almost  any  injustice  and 
tyranny.  Such  terms  as  *  political  economy,'  '  commu 
nism,'  '  socialism/  are  bandied  about  in  the  same  way. 
Yet  propositions  coming  fairly  within  these  terms  are 


VERY   BROAD   VIEWS.  Ill 

often  mentioned  with  approval  by  the  very  persons  who 
cast  them  at  you.  In  a  report  of  a  recent  royal  com 
mission,  I  find  that  one  of  the  commissioners  is  quite  as 
revolutionary  as  I  am.  He  says  it  is  right  by  law  to 
secure  that  no  child  shall  be  cruelly  treated  or  mentally 
neglected,  over-worked  or  under-educated.  Some  people 
would  call  that  communism,  I  fancy ;  but  I  think  him 
to  be  correct  as  a  political  economist  in  that  broad 
proposition.  Why  ?  Because  a  child's  relation  to  the 
State  is  wider,  more  permanent,  and  more  important, 
than  his  relation  to  his  parents.  If  he  is  in  danger  of 
being  depreciated  and  damned  for  good  citizenship,  the 
State  must  rescue  him." 

"  A  paternal  and  maternal  government  together !  " 
cries  Lord  Narnby,  —  "a  government  of  nurses.  You 
know  I  should  like  to  stop  the  production  of  children 
among  the  lower  orders.  Your  propositions  are  far  in 
advance  of  my  radicalism.  The  State  must  sometimes 
interfere  between  parent  and  child ;  for  instance,  in' 
education,  or  protection  from  cruelty.  But,  if  I  under 
stand  you,  you  actually  contemplate  a  general  refining 
and  elevation  of  the  working-class  by  legislative 
means." 

"  Assuredly  !  I  should  aim  to  cultivate  their  morals, 
refine  their  tastes,  manners,  habits.  I  wish  to  lift  from 
them  that  ever-depressing  sense  of  hopelessness  which 
keeps  them  in  the  dust." 

"  So  do  most  men  ;  but  you  must  do  that  by  personal 
and  private  influences,  not  by  State  enactments.  How 
would  you  do  it  ?  " 

"  How  ?  I  think  I  could  draw  up  a  programme.  For 
instance  :  Expatriate  a  million  to  reduce  the  competition 


112  GINX'S    BABY. 

that  keeps  poor  devils  on  half-rations,  or  sends  them  to 
the  poor-house ;  take  all  the  sick,  maimed,  old,  and 
incapable  poor,  into  workhouses  managed  by  humane 
men,  and  not  by  ghouls ;  forbid  such  people  to  marry 
and  propagate  weakness ;  legislate  for  compulsory  im 
provements  of  workmen's  dwellings,  —  and,  if  needful, 
lend  the  money  to  execute  it ;  extend  and  enforce  the 
health  laws ;  open  free  libraries  and  places  of  rational 
amusement  with  an  imperial  bounty  through  the  coun 
try;  instead  of  spending  thousands  on  dilettanti  syco 
phants  at  one  end  of  the  metropolis,  distribute  your  art 
and  amusement  to  the  kingdom  at  large ;  the  rich  have 
their  museums,  libraries,  and  clubs ;  provide  them  for  the 
poor ;  establish  temporary  homes  for  lying-in  women  ; 
multiply  'your  baths  and  washhouses  till  there  is  no 
excuse  for  a  dirty  person ;  educate ;  provide  day-schools 
for  every  proper  child,  and  industrial  or  reformatory 
schools  for  every  improper  one ;  open  advanced  high 
schools  for  the  best  pupils,  and  found  scholarships  to  the 
universities ;  erect  other  schools  for  technical  training ; 
offer  to  teach  trades  and  agriculture  to  all  comers  for 
nothing,  —  you  would  soon  neutralize  your  bugbear  of 
trade's-unionism ;  teach  morals,  teach  science,  teach 
art,  teach  them  to  amuse  themselves  like  men,  and  not 
like  brutes.  In  a  land  so  wealthy,  the  programme  is  not 
impracticable,  though  severe.  As  the  end  to  be  attained 
is  the  welfare  of  future  generations,  no  good  reason 
could  be  urged  why  they  should  not  contribute  towards 
the  cost  of  it,  —  a  better  debt  to  leave  to  posterity  than 
the  incubus  of  an  irrational  war." 

Will  any  sane  political  practitioner  wonder  to  be  told, 
that,  at   the   end  of  this   harangue,  the  smoking-room 


PARTY   TACTICS.  113 

party  broke  up,  and  that  some,  as  they  laughed  good- 
humoredly  over  Sterling's  egregia,  recalled  the  number 
of  glasses  of  inspirited  seltzer  swallowed  by  the  orator  ? 
He  was  so  far  in  advance  of  the  most  radical  reformer, 
that  there  was  no  hope  of  overtaking  him  for  an  era  or 
two  :  so  they  determined  to  fancy  they  had  left  him  be 
hind. 


V. — PARTY  TACTICS,  AND  POLITICAL  OBSTRUCTIONS  TO  SOCIAL 
REFORM. 

IN  the  club,  our  hero  revelled  a  while  under  the  pro 
tection  of  Sir  Charles  Sterling,  and  the  petting  of 
peers,  members  of  Parliament,  and  loungers  who  swarm 
therein.  Certain  gentlemen  of  Stock-Exchange  man 
nerism  and  dressiness  gave  the  protege  the  go-by,  and 
even  sneered  at  those  who  noticed  him  with  kindness. 
But  then  these  are  of  the  men  with  whom  every  question 
is  checked  by  money,  and  is  balanced  on  the  pivot  of 
profit  and  loss.  I  dare  say  some  of  them  thought  the 
worse  of  Judas  only  because  he  had  made  so  small  a 
gain  out  of  his  celebrated  transaction.  To  foster  Ginx's 
Baby  in  the  club  as  a  recognition  of  the  important 
questions  surrounding  him,  though  these  questions  in 
volved  hundreds  of  thousands  of  other  cases,  was  to 
them  ridiculous.  Of  far  greater  consequence  was  it,  in 
their  eyes,  to  settle  a  dispute  between  two  extravagant 
fools  at  Constantinople  and  Cairo,  and  quicken  the 
sluggishness  of  Turkish  consols  or  Egyptian  9  per  cents. 
I  do  not  cast  stones  at  them :  every  man  must  look  at  a 
thing  with  his  own  eyes. 

But  it  was  curious  to  note  how  the  baby's  fortunes 


114  GINX'S    BABY. 

shifted  in  the  club.  There  were  times  when  he  was  a 
pet  chucked  under  chin  by  the  elder  stagers,  favored 
with  a  smile  from  a  cabinet  minister,  and  now  and  then 
blessed  with  a  nod  from  Mr.  Joshua  Hale.  Then, 
again,  every  one  seemed  to  forget  him ;  and  he  was  for 
months  left  unnoticed  to  the  chance-kindness  of  the 
menials,  until,  some  case  similar  to  his  own  happening  to 
evoke  discussion  in  the  press,  there  would  be  a  general 
inquiry  for  him.  The  porter,  Mr.  Smirke,  had  suc 
ceeded,  by  means  of  a  detective,  in  discovering  the  boy's 
name  ;  but  his  parents  were  then  half-way  to  Canada. 

The  members  of  the  Fogy  Club  opposite,  hearing 
that  so  interesting  a  foundling  was  being  cherished  by 
their  opponents,  politely  asked  leave  to  examine  him ; 
and  he  occasionally  visited  them.  They  treated  him 
kindly,  and  discussed  his  condition  with  earnestness. 
The  leaders  of  the  party  debated  whether  he  might  not, 
with  advantage,  be  taken  out  of  their  opponents'  hands. 
Some  thought  that  a  judicious  use  of  him  might  win 
popularity  ;  but  others  objected  that  it  would  be  perilous 
for  them  to  mix  themselves  up  with  so  doleful  an  in 
terest.  In  the  result,  the  Fogies  tipped  young  Ginx,  but 
did  not  commit  themselves  for  or  against  him.  Thus  a 
long  time  elapsed ;  and  our  hero  had  grown  old  enough 
to  be  a  page.  He  had  received  food,  clothing,  and 
good  will ;  but  no  one  had  thought  of  giving  him  an 
education.  Sometimes  he  became  obstreperous.  He 
played  tricks  with  the  club  cutlery,  and  diverted  its 
silver  to  improper  uses ;  he  laid  traps  for  upsetting 
aged  and  infirm  legislators  ;  he  tried  the  coolness  of  the 
youngest  and  best-natured  members  of  Parliament  by 
popping  up  in  strange  places,  and  exhibiting  unseemly 


PARTY   TACTICS.  115 

attitudes.  At  length,  by  unanimous  consent,  he  was 
decreed  to  be  a  nuisance,  and  a  few  days  would  have 
revoked  his  license  at  the  club. 

No  sooner  did  the  Fogies  get  wind  of  this  than  they 
manoeuvred  to  get  Ginx's  Baby  under  their  own  man 
agement.  They  instructed  their  "  organs,"  as  they 
called  them,  to  pipe  to  popular  feeling  on  the  disgrace 
ful  apathy  of  the  Radicals  in  regard  to  the  foundling. 
They  had  him  waylaid  and  treated  to  confectionery  by 
their  emissaries ;  and  once  or  twice  succeeded  in  abduct 
ing  him,  and  sending  him  down  to  the  country  with  their 
party's  candidates,  for  exhibition  at  elections. 

The  Radicals  resented  this  conduct  extremely.  Ginx's 
Baby  was  brought  back  to  the  club,  and  restored  to 
favor.  The  government  papers  were  instructed  to  detail 
how  much  he  was  petted  and  talked  about  by  the  party  ; 
to  declare  how  needless  was  the  popular  excitement  on 
his  behalf;  and  to  prove  that  he  must,  without  any 
special  legislation,  be  benefited  by  the  extraordinary 
organic  changes  then  being  made  in  the  constitution  of 
the  country. 

Sir  Charles  Sterling  resumed  his  interest  in  the  boy. 
He  had  been  gallantly  aiding  his  party  in  other  ques 
tions.  There  was  the  Timbuctoo  question.  A  miserable 
desert  chief  had  shut  up  a  wandering  Englishman  not 
possessed  of  wit  enough  to  keep  his  head  out  of  danger. 
There  was  a  general  impression  that  English  honor  was 
at  stake ;  and  the  previous  Fogy  government  had  ordered 
an  expedition  to  cross  the  desert,  and  punish  the  sheik. 
You  would  never  believe  what  it  cost  if  you  had  not  seen 
the  bill.  Ten  millions  sterling  was  as  good  as  buried  in 
the  desert,  when  one-tenth  of  it  would  have  saved  a 


116  GINX'S   BABY. 

hundred  thousand  people  from  starvation  at  home,  and 
one  hundredth  part  of  it  would  have  taken  the  fetters 
off  the  hapless  prisoner's  feet. 

There  was  the  St.  Helena  question  always  brooding 
over  Parliament.  St.  Helena  was  a  constituent  part  of 
the  British  Empire.  Every  patriot  agreed  that  the  em 
pire  without  it  would  be  incomplete;  and  was  so  far 
right,  that  its  subtraction  would  have  left  the  empire  by 
so  much  less.  Most  of  its  inhabitants  were  aboriginal, 
—  a  mercurial  race,  full  of  fire,  quick-witted,  and  gifted 
with  the  exuberant  eloquence  of  savages,  but  deficient 
in  dignity  and  self-control.  Before  any  one  else  had 
been  given  them  by  Providence  to  fight,  they  slaughtered 
and  ravaged  one  another.  Our  intrusive  British  ances 
tors  stepped  upon  the  island,  and,  being  strong  men, 
mowed  down  the  islanders  like  wheat,  and  appropriated 
the  lands  their  swords  had  cleared.  Still  the  aborigines 
held  out  in  corners,  and  defied  the  conquerors.  The 
latter  ground  them  down,  confiscated  the  property  of 
their  half-dozen  chiefs,  and  distributed  it  among  them 
selves.  By  way  of  showing  their  imperial  imperious- 
ness,  they  built  over  some  ruins  left  by  their  devastations 
a  great  church,  in  which  they  ordered  all  the  islanders 
to  worship.  This  was  at  first  abomination  to  the 
islanders,  who  fought  like  devils  whenever  they  could, 
and  ended  by  accepting  the  religion  of  their  foes.  But 
the  conquerors,  afterwards  choosing  to  change  their  own 
faith,  resolved  that  the  islanders  should  do  so  too. 
Forthwith  they  confiscated  the  big  church  and  burying- 
ground,  and,  distributing  part  of  the  land  and  spoils 
among  their  most  prominent  scamps,  erected  a  new 
edifice  of  quite  a  different  character,  in  which  the 


PARTY    TACTICS.  117 

natives  swore  they  could  neither  see  nor  hear,  and  their 
own  clerics  warned  them  they  would  certainly  be 
damned.  To  make  the  complications  more  intricate, 
these  clerics  owed  allegiance  to  an  ancient  woman  in  a 
distant  country,  who  had  all  the  meddlesomeness  and 
petty  jealousy  of  her  sex,  and  was,  besides,  much  at 
tached  to  some  clever  wooers  of  hers,  —  wily  sinners  who 
covered  their  aims  under  the  semblance  of  ultra-extreme 
passion  for  her.  The  prominent  scamps  died,  to  be  suc 
ceeded  by  their  children,  or  other  of  the  hated  con 
querors,  from  generation  to  generation.  The  islanders 
went  on  increasing  and  protesting.  They  starved  upon 
the  lands,  and  shot  the  landlords  when  a  few  gave  them 
the  chance  ;  for  most  lived  away  in  their  own  country, 
and  left  the  property  to  be  administered  by  agents.  The 
home  government  had  again  and  again  been  obliged  to 
assist  these  people  with  soldiers,  to  provide  an  armed 
police,  to  shoot  down  mobs,  to  catch  a  ringleader  here 
or  there  and  send  him  to  Fernando  Po,  or  to  deprive 
whole  villages  of  ordinary  civil  rights.  Then  the  yam- 
crop  failed,  and  nearly  half  the  people  left  the  island 
and  crossed  the  seas,  where  they  continued  to  hate  and 
to  plot  against  those  whose  misfortune  it  had  been  to 
get  a  legacy  of  the  island  from  their  fathers.  It  would 
be  wearisome  to  recount  the  absurdities  on  both  sides, 
the  stupidity  or  criminal  absence  of  tact  from  time  to 
time  shown  by  the  home  government,  the  resolve  never 
to  be  quiet  exhibited  by  the  natives,  under  the  prompt 
ing  of  their  clerics.  Upon 

"  That  common  stage  of  novelty  " 
there  were  ever  springing  up  fresh  difficulties.     Secret 


118  GISTX'S    BABY. 

clubs  were  formed  for  murder  and  reprisal.  A  body 
called  the  "  Yellows  "  had  bound  themselves  by  private 
oaths  to  keep  up  the  memory  of  the  religious  victories  of 
their  predecessors,  and  to  worry  the  clerical  party  in 
every  possible  way.  Their  pleasure  was  to  go  about  in 
sanely  blowing  rams'-horns,  carrying  flags,  and  bearing 
oranges  in  their  hands.  The  islanders  hated  oranges, 
and  at  every  opportunity  cracked  the  skulls  of  the 
orange-bearers  with  brutal  weapons  peculiar  to  the 
island.  These,  in  return, .  cracked  native  skulls.  The 
whole  island  was  in  a  state  of  perpetual  commotion. 
Still  its  general  condition  improved,  its  farms  grew 
prosperous ;  and  a  joint-stock  company  had  built  a  mill 
for  converting  cocoanut-fibre  into  horse-cloths,  which 
yielded  large  profits.  The  memory  of  past  events  might 
well  have  been  buried  :  but  the  clerics,  in  the  interest  of 
the  old  woman,  fanned  the  embers  ;  and  the  infamous 
bidding  for  popularity  of  parties  at  home  served  to  keep 
alive  passions  that  would  naturally  have  died  out.  Be 
sides,  latterly,  folly  had  been  too  organized  on  both 
sides  to  suffer  oblivion.  Everybody  was  tired  of  the 
squabbles  of  St.  Helena.  At  length  there  was  a  general 
movement  in  the  interests  of  peace ;  and,  to  pacify  the 
islanders,  Parliament  was  asked  to  pull  down  the  wings 
of  the  old  church-edifice,  remove  some  of  the  graves, 
and  cut  off  a  large  piece  of  the  graveyard.  Some  were 
in  favor,  also,  of  dividing  all  the  farms  in  the  country 
among  the  aborigines ;  but  the  difficulty  was,  to  know 
how,  at  the  same  time,  to  satisfy  the  present  occupiers. 
These  schemes  were  topics  of  high  debate ;  upon  them 
the  fortunes  of  government  rose  and  fell ;  and,  while 
they  were  agitated,  Ginx's  Baby  could  have  no  chance 
of  a  parliamentary  hearing. 


AMATEUR   DEBATING.  119 

Many  other  matters  of  singular  indifference  had  eaten 
up  the  legislative  time :  but  at  last  the  increasing  num 
ber  of  wretched  infants  throughout  the  country  began  to 
alarm  the  people  ;  and  Sir  Charles  Sterling  thought  the 
time  had  come  to  move  on  behalf  of  Ginx's  Baby  and 
his  fellows. 


VI.  — AMATEUR  DEBATING  IN  A  HIGH  LEGISLATIVE  BODY. 

WHILE  Sir  Charles  was  trying  to  get  the  government 
to  "  give  him  a  night "  to  debate  the  Ginx's  Baby  case, 
and  while  associations  were  being  formed  in  the  metrop 
olis  for  disposing  of  him  by  expatriation  or  otherwise, 
a  busy  peer,  without  notice  to  anybody,  suddenly  brought 
the  subject  before  the  House  of  Lords.  As  he  had 
never  seen  the  baby,  and  knew  nothing,  or  very  little, 
about  him,  I  need  scarcely  report  the  elaborate  speech 
in  which  he  asked  for  aristocratic  sympathy  on  his  be 
half.  He  proposed  to  send  him  to  the  antipodes  at  the 
expense  of  the  nation. 

The  Minister  for  the  Accidental  Accompaniments  of 
the  Empire  was  a  clever  man,  —  keen,  genial,  subtle, 
two-edged :  a  gentlemanly  and  not  thorough  disciple  of 
Machiavel ;  able  to  lead  parliamentary  forlorn  hopes, 
and  plant  flags  on  breaches,  or  to  cover  retreats  with 
brilliant  skirmishing ;  deft,  but  never  deep ;  much 
moved,  too,  by  the  opinions  of  his  permanent  staff. 
These,  on  the  night  in  question,  had  plied  him  well  with 
hackneyed  objections ;  but  to  see  him  get  up  and  re 
lieve  himself  of  them  —  the  air  of  originality,  the  really 
original  air  he  threw  around  them,  the  absurd  light 
which  he  turned  full  on  the  weaknesses  of  his  noble 


120  GINX'S    BABY. 

friend's  propositions  —  was  as  beautiful  to  an  indifferent 
critic  as  it  was  saddening  to  the  man  who  had  at  heart 
the  sorrows  of  his  kind.  If  that  minister  lived  long,  he 
would  be  forced  to  adopt  and  advocate  in  as  pretty  a 
manner  the  policy  he  was  dissecting. 

Lord  Munnibagge,  a  great  authority  in  economic 
matters,  said  that  a  weaker  case  had  never  been  pre 
sented  to  Parliament.  To  send  away  Ginx's  Baby  to 
a  colony,  at  imperial  expense,  was  at  once  to  rob  the 
pockets  of  the  rich,  and  to  decrease  our  labor-power. 
There  was  no  necessity  for  it.  Ginx's  Baby  could  not 
starve  in  a  country  like  this.  He  (Lord  Munnibagge) 
had  never  heard  of  a  case  of  a  baby  starving.  There 
was  no  such  widespread  distress  as  was  represented  by 
the  noble  lord.  There  were  occasional  periods  of  stag 
nation  in  trade;  and  no  doubt,  in  these  periods,  the 
poorer  classes  would  suffer :  but  trade  was  elastic ;  and, 
even  if  it  were  granted  that  the  present  was  a  period 
when  employment  had  failed,  the  time  was  not  far  off 
when  trade  would  recuperate.  (Cheers.)  Ginx's  Baby, 
and  all  other  babies,  would  not  then  wish  to  go  away. 
People  were  always  making  exaggerated  statements 
about  the  condition  of  the  poor.  He  (Lord  Munni 
bagge)  did  not  credit  them.  He  believed  the  country, 
though  temporarily  depressed  by  financial  collapses,  to 
be  in  a  most  healthy  state.  (Hear,  hear.)  It  was  ab- 
eurd  to  say  otherwise,  when  it  was  shown  by  the  board- 
of-trade  returns  that  we  were  growing  richer  every 
day.  (Cheers.)  Of  course,  Ginx's  Baby  must  be  grow 
ing  richer  with  the  rest.  Was  not  that  a  complete  an 
swer  to  the  noble  lord's  plaintive  outcries?  (Cheers 
and  laughter.)  That  the  population  of  a  country  was 


AMATEUR    DEBATING.  121 

a  great  fraction  of  its  wealth  was  an  elementary  princi 
ple  of  political  economy.  He  thought,  from  the  high 
rates  of  wages,  that  there  were  not  too  many,  but  too 
few,  laborers  in  the  country.  He  should  oppose  the 
motion.  (Cheers.) 

Two  or  three  noble  lords  repeated  similar  platitudes, 
guarding  themselves  as  carefully  from  any  reference  to 
facts,  or  to  the  question  whether  high  rates  of  wages 
might  not  be  the  concomitants  simply  of  high  prices  of 
necessaries,  or  to  the  yet  wider  question  whether  colo 
nial  development  might  not  have  something  to  do  with 
progress  at  home.  The  noble  lord  who  had  rushed  un 
prepared  into  the  arena  was  unequal  to  the  forces  mar 
shalled  against  him,  and  withdrew  his  motion. 

Thus  the  great  debate  collapsed.  The  lords  were  re 
lieved  that  an  awkward  question  had  so  easily  been 
shifted.  The  newspapers  on  the  ministerial  side  declared 
that  this  debate  had  proved  the  futility  of  the  Ginx's 
Baby  expatriation  question. 

"  So  able  an  authority  as  Lord  Munnibagge  had  estab 
lished  that  there  was  no  necessity  for  the  interference  of 
government  in  the  case  of  Ginx's  Baby  or  any  other 
babies  or  persons.  The  lucid  and  decisive  statement 
of  the  Secretary  for  the  Accidental  Accompaniments  of 
the  Empire  had  shown  how  impossible  it  was  for  the  im 
perial  government  to  take  part  in  a  great  scheme  of  ex 
patriation  ;  how  impolitic  to  endeavor  to  affect  the 
ordinary  laws  of  free  movement  to  the  colonies." 

Surely,  after  this,  the  expatriation  people  hid  their 
lights  under  a  bushel ! 

The  government  refused  to  find  a  night  for  Sir  Charles 
Sterling ;  and,  after  the  Lords'  debate,  he  did  not  see  his 


122  GINX'S    BABY. 

way  to  force  a  motion  in  the  Lower  House.  Meanwhile 
Ginx's  Baby  once  more  decided  a  turn  in  his  own  fate. 
Tired  of  the  slow  life  of  the  club,  and  shivering  amid  the 
chill  indifference  of  his  patrons,  he  borrowed,  without 
leave,  some  clothes  from  an  inmate's  room,  with  a  few 
silver  forks  and  spoons,  and  decamped.  Whether  the 
baronet  and  the  club  were  bashful  of  public  ridicule,  or 
glad  to  t>e  rid  of  the  charge,  I  know  not ;  but  no  attempt 
was  made  to  recover  him. 


PART     V. 

WHAT  GINX'S  BABY  DID  WIIH  HIMSELF. 

"  A  full-formed  horse  will,  in  any  market,  bring  from  twenty  to 
as  high  as  two  hundred  Friedrichs  d'or :  such  is  his  worth  to  the 
world.  A  full-formed  man  is  not  only  worth  nothing  to  the  world, 
hut  the  world  could  afford  him  a  round  sum  would  he  simply  engage 
to  go  and  hang  himself."  —  8 AETOR  RESARTUS. 

THE  LAST  CHAPTER. 

OUR  hero  was  nearly  fifteen  years  old  when  he  left 
the  club  to  plunge  into  the  world.  He  was  not 
long  in  converting  his  spoils  into  money,  and  a  very 
short  time  in  spending  it.  Then  he  had  to  pit  his  wits 
against  starvation ;  and  some  of  his  throws  were  desper 
ate.  Wherever  he  went,  the  world  seemed  terribly  full. 
If  he  answered  an  advertisement  for  an  errand-boy,  there 
were  a  score  kicking  their  heels  at  the  rendezvous 
before  him.  Did  he  try  to  learn  a  useful  trade,  thou 
sands  of  adepts  were  not  only  ready  to  underbid  him, 
but  to  knock  him  on  the  head  for  an  interloper.  Even 
the  thieves,  to  whom  he  gravitated,  were  jealous  of  his 
accession,  because  there  were  too  many  competitors 
already  in  their  department.  Through  his  career  of 
penury,  of  honest  and  dishonest  callings,  of  'scapes  and 

123 


124  G1NX7S    BABY. 

captures,  imprisonments  and  other  punishments,  a  year's 
reading  of  metropolitan  police-reports  would  furnish  the 
exact  counterpart. 

I  don't  know  how  many  years  after  his  flight  from 
Pall  Mall,  one  dim  midnight,  I,  returning  from  Rich 
mond,  lounged  over  Vauxhall  Bridge,  listening  to  the 
low  lapping  of  the  current  beneath  the  arches  ;  looking 
above  to  .the  stars,  and  along  the  dark  polished  surface 
that  reflected  a  thousand  lights  in  its  undulations  ;  feel 
ing  the  awfulness  of  the  dense,  suppressed  life  that  was 
wrapped  within  the  gloom  and  calm  of  the  hour.  I  sud 
denly  saw  a  shadow,  a  human  shadow,  that,  at  the  sound 
of  my  footstep,  quickly  crossed  my  dreamy  vision,  — 
quickly,  noiselessly  came  and  went  before  my  eyes,  until 
it  stood  up  high  and  outlined  against  the  strangely- 
mingled  haze.  It  looked  like  the  ghost  of  a  slight-formed 
man,  hatless  and  coatless  ;  and  for  a  moment  I  saw  at  its 
upper  extremity  the  dull  flash  as  of  a  human  face  in  the 
gloom,  before  the  shadow  leaped  out  far  into  the  night. 
Splash  !  When  my  startled  eyes  looked  down  upon  the 
glancing,  waving  ebony,  I  thought  I  could  trace  a  white 
coruscation  of  foam  spreading  out  into  the  darkness, 
instantly  to  dissipate  and  be  lost  forever. 

I  did  not  then  know  what  form  it  was  that  swilled 
down  below  the  glistening  current.  Had  I  known  that 
it  was  Ginx's  Baby,  I  should  perhaps  have  thought,  "  So 
ciety,  which,  in  the  sacred  names  of  Law  and  Charity, 
forbade  the  father  to  throw  his  child  over  Yauxhall 
Bridge  at  a  time  when  he  was  alike  unconscious  of  life 
and  death,  has  at  last  itself  driven  him  over  the  parapet 
into  the  greedy  waters  " 


THE   LAST    CHAPTER.  125 

Philosophers,  philanthropists,  politicians,  Papists  and 
Protestants,  poor-law  ministers  and  parish-officers,  while 
you  have  been  theorizing  and  discussing,  debating, 
wrangling,  legislating,  and  administering,  —  Good  God  1 
gentlemen,  between  you  all,  where  has  Ginx's  Baby 
gone  to  ? 


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